To add, I am 48 and I am much less financially vulnerable BECAUSE of my decision to be a SAHM.
When I was working, it was in social services. It was not a career that you go into for big money. It is what it is. No point moaning about that. But the reality is, I'm not a corporate or finance type. Not because I'm a woman, I'm just not motivated by that. I'm a people person. If I don't feel like something making a direct difference to people, I get very bored.
If I was still in that line if work l, I'd maybe be on £40-50k these days. That's if I hadn't burnt out.
I could have met a man who was on a trajectory to earn similar money to me and, if that had happened, then that would be that. Obviously, I would not have been a SAHM in those circumstances as my income would have been very important to me and the family. We would have either had to share childcare between us or use paid services for it. Personally, I would have been ok with leaving my kids with my husband, but I think I would have really struggled using full time childcare. For me, that would not be a better life or a set up I would choose to aspire to. I would be utterly miserable in that life. I realise other people feel differently, but that's just me. It is not something I ever had in mind.
I met my husband coming out of uni and we were young and I had no idea what he was going to do. But by the time we had kids at 30 ish, he was earning probably 10 or 20 times what I was earning. This is simply because he discovered he is the business / finance type. As I said, I'm not. He would also need to travel quite a lot. There would have been no point in me saying," No you can't go and win that project that could pay multi-millions because I need to do my £40k job, so I need you here by 6pm..," That sound have been counter-productive and would actually have held us back as a family. It would be like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I made a decision to 'facilitate' DH's earning potential because that's what pays for the life we have developed for our family. He was a child refugee and I grew up with not much and he said to me when the kids came along that he wanted to make a generational change - not just for us, but for our kids and their children beyond. He made his own opportunities and has a certain type of drive and resilience which is quite unusual and if you are with this type of person, of course you support them. You don't hold them back because you yourself can't do that so it's not 'equal.' What madness is that! Because he could follow through on his potential, it has bought us our home and other properties I would never have got near on a £40k salary. I know this. Yes, he could have done it without me; but he couldn't have dine it and also had 4 kids and a family life. Our set up was deliberate and the main point was to fund the educations of our 4 kids. It's meant I can go the extra mile in supporting all their interests, hobbies and educations without the drain and distraction of a (stressful) job. It means my kids have trust funds I could never have given them on £40k. It means I am financially secure in a way I could never have been working for social.services. Most of all, our kids will never have to struggle the way we did. They can make choices. This is why I have been a SAHM. I would not have been a SAHM with any man. It just made sense with the one I ended up with!
Our mortgage is paid. We have investments that pay dividends in my name. We have other properties that pay incomes. We share all our money and always did, even when we were 22. He has no concept of anything else. He knows he's been supported and I know I've been supported and what's wrong with that if it works? He's as much of a dad as any other. He is who he is. We've been married 20 years, so that means something and he's here now in the airport lounge playing games with the kids while I'm on MN!