For thinking SAHMs are making themselves financially vulnerable

[PeasOff]

Would or do you depend on your partner financially?

Do you have a backup in place in case of breakup or for your retirement?

@worriedatthistime

That I should mind my own business and not worry about what other people are doing and that I should campaign for better pat leave etc

@TartanGirl1 because some people do care what others think ? Many may be comfortable with choices some may of had to return to work or had to stay home for various reasons so therefore may be getting used to their decision

@Topgub yes i do think its no ones business what someone else chooses to do
And we should all be encouraging better pat leave , flexible working for parents where we can

@worriedatthistime

Why though if it's no one's business what people do?

Why have any laws or legislation for anything?

@Topgub when I say all i mean men and women
Speaking to a new dads at work many want more time off its just Financially not possible
Also a good few dads are now using flexi time and doing say morning school run and mum does afternoon one
More places can offer more than the 9-5
Not possible everywhere of course but it can be

Bigots? Who has been a bigot?

Topgub - the way I see it, you have two options. You can either stay on here for the next 100 years, repeating the same questions and statements ad infunitum; or you could seize the bull by the horns and go and be a SAHM for a week on WifeSwap.

Live dangerously like the financially vulnerable!

@worriedatthistime judging others is just human nature, I'm sure you've judged plenty of others yourself.

If you're secure in your choices and life forget what anyone else has to say about it!

@Topgub being obtuse again
A law to say i cannot steal your car is one thing and has a direct inpact on you
Me being a sahm or my dh being a sahd has no direct inpact on you
Which you well no
Like i said i am going to bed as I do have to work tomorrow

@malika3

Odd choices.

I'd rather stick pins in eyes than be a sahm and I've built an alternative career from repeating the same questions and statements ad infunitum

So, I'll go with that one

@malika3 Titles aren't quite snappy enough, thanks though!

@PeasOff yes it is to a degree but people can take it too far and this can be soul destroying for some, for me i have a form of oCD and i can very much overthink something which can be hard and someones critiscism can cut a bit deeper
We aren't all built the same

@worriedatthistime

Men not having access to flexible working is none of your business either.

@worriedatthistime I know we aren't at built the same and appreciate everyone doesn't have the same emotional resilience.

That being said, I don't think anyone on here has taken things too far. Ultimately, we all have topics that we can and should avoid if they make us feel shitty.

@Topgub well yes it is as that directly affects me
For someone who has creates this great career you don't seem to understand things that directly affect and don't
My neighbour being home with her kids doesn't affect me , my dh not having access does
But tbh your being obtuse and im going to bed as I clearly do not have as much time on my hand as you

@PeasOff well thats your opinion and I have mine
I will stand up for any women/ mother to make a choice that suits them ,be that sahm or working as long as they know all the pro's and cons

Would or do you depend on your partner financially?
Yes

Do you have a backup in place in case of breakup or for your retirement?
Yes

@worriedatthistime

Your neighbour being at home with her kids feeds into the reasons your oh can't be

In the same way as wider societal inequality affects everyone

@worriedatthistime well that's the problem isn't it; not all women do know the pros and cons before making the decision.

worriedatthistime - please please don't any of the SAHM nonsense on here seriously. Just have a laugh and take it as a compliment that anyone would find your life remotely interesting - let alone would feel the need to start thread after thread about it.

This is the internet. It doesn't do well to overthink. Some people in here may not be well and it's highly likely quite a few are not the full ticket.

You don't have to justify anything to anyone. You know this.

put it this way - do you feel the need to start a thread criticising a group of women or pushing an agenda about them? Of course you don't. So ask yourself why they do. The answer is obvious.

Step back from the thread if you feel yourself getting wound up. This is precisely why some posters are here. It's their hobby to try to wind up SAHMs. Sad, but true. Take care and don't worry about a thing.

@malika3 thanks and I am turning off the comments now
All the mums I know be it sahm or working part or full time are great mums and are doing what they need to do that works for then , me included .

Well they will if they've been on MN for thirty seconds. The cons are pointed out regularly.

@MrsBwced as are the pros... evidenced by the comments here!

Less likely for a thread to be started helpfully pointing them out, but yes in the comments.

@Topgub
It seems that you have been in the lucky position of being able to share childcare with your DP without outside assistance? And that both you and DP work full time?

I do know one couple like this in real life. They are both nurses and each works something like three 12 hour shifts a week. So it's hard, but it works.

Most people are not in that position. The standard working week is 9 -5 Mon to Fri. Many people work longer hours than this,
plus there's added commuting time. So most people are simply unable to do what you do, and have to make different choices to you. Sourcing outside help, or one partner becoming a sahp or working part-time for a while are the more usual options. And yes, it's mostly sahms rather than sahds...partly for biological and probably partly for cultural or traditional reasons.

You have said you believe that sahms don't even want their partners to share in childcare! I am curious why you think this? Because I think you're wrong and that women very much value a close father-child relationship and men's role in childcare. But people must make pragmatic choices about division of labour. At the moment society is not generally set up to allow two parthers to share the load following your model. Paternity leave is very poor. Usually it is financially risky for both partners to go part-time - as it is, many jobs don't allow it anyway.

Yours may well be a great set-up but it's not close to being achievable for most people right now. Please understand that many people are making the best choice they can for their family, constrained by the choices that are actually available to them. Society is not where we would like it to be and wishing that it were won't change it overnight. This is not the fault of sahps, who, like woh parents, are mostly just doing the best they can.