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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother in law trouble

83 replies

Icequeen122 · 24/07/2022 17:07

Hi I was just wanting others opinions on this to see if anyone thinks I’m wrong I don’t think I am so here goes..
my son has autism and only 8 years old one of the things he can struggle with is behaviour I am doing everything I can to help him with his, he had a bad day and wasn’t listening to anything and was just doing a lot of misbehaving.
she isn’t his biological grandmother either so I felt how she handled him was completely wrong and I wouldn’t of even let my own mother do what she did.
she thought it would be okay to shout at him repeatedly and called him stupid and a fucking idiot and told him that his younger brothers were more intelligent than him. I then started to tell her I think she needs to stop and she then started to shout at me and call me a fucking idiot and said that if he was her son she would lock him down a hall way for a week with nothing to do. so I told my partner that me and the children were leaving she then kept shouting at me so I said oh that’s clever isn’t it keep shouting infront of the children that’s going to upset them. She then said to my partner oh so cos she says so you all need to leave do you! I kept saying we’re leaving and that was that. She then shouted at my partner telling him to never bring that thing here again meaning me and I said don’t worry I won’t be coming back again I don’t want too and told her sue wasn’t welcome at my home either. My partner has said it was all my fault and I shouldn’t of said anything to her. I was defending my child I had every right to pull her didn’t I?

OP posts:
safetylastday · 24/07/2022 17:08

Clearly YANBU but you don’t just have a mil problem you have a dh problem

Pootles34 · 24/07/2022 17:10

You really do have a dh problem. Sorry op but you must protect your son from her - and it's really worrying that he thinks it's OK.

mbosnz · 24/07/2022 17:10

You had every right to pull her up, and your partner can pull his fricking head in.

WingBingo · 24/07/2022 17:10

That’s a lot of drama.

Icequeen122 · 24/07/2022 17:13

I definitely think it’s time me and my partner had a chat I don’t think we can carry on if he defends her, I just feel she was completely wrong for speaking to a child the way she did

OP posts:
mbosnz · 24/07/2022 17:15

I think a chat and a review of your relationship is a very good idea.

I'd have been hard put to have been as restrained as you were, in the face of such an abusive tirade focused on my vulnerable child.

SpilltheTea · 24/07/2022 17:16

Your partner is full of shit and a terrible parent. Why should you stand there whilst this woman verbally abuses your children?

Orgasmagorical · 24/07/2022 17:20

My partner has said it was all my fault and I shouldn’t of said anything to her.

Beware the man who puts his mother above you. That tends not to end well.

Gymnopedie · 24/07/2022 17:26

I definitely think it’s time me and my partner had a chat I don’t think we can carry on if he defends her

Does he make a habit of it, regardless of the subject?

Icequeen122 · 24/07/2022 17:28

@Gymnopedie yes he always defends everyone over me.

OP posts:
Icequeen122 · 24/07/2022 17:29

We’re still arguing now cos he’s trying to tell me I was disrespectful to her to have said something to her in her home but it was perfectly okay for her to attack my son and he can’t see the wrong

OP posts:
theremustonlybeone · 24/07/2022 17:31

You think it’s time for you and your partner to have a chat after his mother bullied and abused your autistic son! Eh not time for a chat time for him to be kicked into touch

mbosnz · 24/07/2022 17:31

That would be a dealbreaker for me, I'm afraid. If he can't see how horribly out of order she was (how rude was she to attack a child in her own home? Not exactly good hostessing, is it?!) to speak to your son like that, and then to you, and he always takes the side you're not on, he's one to throw back into the sea. His horrible mother can have her son back. . .

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/07/2022 17:32

"My partner has said it was all my fault and I shouldn’t of said anything to her."

Then the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree then, has it? If your partner doesn't have your back, and he won't protect the children - then what fucking use is he?

StaunchMomma · 24/07/2022 17:33

You have a DP problem as well as a MIL problem, OP!!

thetombliboo · 24/07/2022 17:33

Awful. So sorry you had to go through that. Never go near her again. Daffodil My son has autism also and I know I am naturally more defensive over him than my other children so you must have been burning with rage.
I think the same goes for your partner if he cannot see what's wrong. NO child deserves to be spoken to like that.

saraclara · 24/07/2022 17:36

So he puts his mother ahead of you AND let's her speak to his child like that?

How is he justifying not standing up for his child?

greatblueheron · 24/07/2022 17:38

If he is defending her and her awful treatment of your child, then tell him to pack his bags and get to fuck.

I'm serious.

saraclara · 24/07/2022 17:38

(she) called him stupid and a fucking idiot and told him that his younger brothers were more intelligent than him...and said that if he was her son she would lock him down a hall way for a week

Seriously, how could a father stand by and not defend his child when he was being abused like this?

ComDummings · 24/07/2022 17:40

Your partner is as big a problem as her

Orgasmagorical · 24/07/2022 17:40

yes he always defends everyone over me.

You have a big problem. It's not going to get any better. You need to protect your children and yourself from him.

Icequeen122 · 24/07/2022 17:41

ive ended the relationship with him he doesn’t see anything wrong with how she behaved he’s still painting me out to be the bad guy because I had the cheek to say anything to her. He also said my son deserved it because he’s naughty and he’s had enough of it. Well sorry my son isn’t naughty hes a child struggling to identify his emotions and frustrations. I was so angry I wanted to scream at her but wouldn’t of got us anywhere I didn’t wanna lower myself to her standards so had to leave it’s hurtful that he can’t see the wrong in her and wants to pin it on me. They are trying to make out I am mentally unstable now because I stood up to her and I’m the unfit one so going to get a solicitor.

OP posts:
RiojaRose · 24/07/2022 17:43

Your MIL’s behaviour was absolutely horrifying. If your partner doesn’t understand that, he’s not a competent parent.

Tigofigo · 24/07/2022 17:45

Is your partner your son's dad?

Why was she disciplining your son, was she looking after him?

You absolutely did the right thing leaving.

Icequeen122 · 24/07/2022 17:46

@Tigofigo he’s not his bio dad no but he’s as good as he’s been in his life since he was 3 weeks old my son doesn’t know anyone else

OP posts:
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