DP's cycling chaos

[Biscuitsneeded]

DP came in from a cycle 30 mins ago - he's now in the shower. I get that he's hot and knackered. However, I have found some kind of belt contraption by the bread bin. His water bottle, helmet, electronic gadget and one glove are on the kitchen island. The other glove is outside on top of the recycling bin. His glasses and one sock are abandoned on the kitchen table. His MAMIL lycra top is on a dining chair. His cycling shoes are abandoned under the coffee table. He made himself a cup of tea and mostly drank it but left it on the side even though there is a dishwasher right there.

If I say anything at all about this sort of thing I am accused of at 'getting at him', or nagging. He doesn't realise how chaotic he is, and I don't even try to keep an especially tidy house - far from it - but I just wish he wasn't oblivious to the trail of chaos he leaves. We now have a 'DP's crap pile', instigated by me, where I chuck anything of his that is left lying around and starting to drive me crazy. He doesn't like this either. AIBU?

YANBU. Why can't he just get undressed in one place?

As a one off, staggering in exhausted and hot, not an issue. But you say he does this all the time so yes it is a huge issue! The “crap pile” is actually a good idea because you can’t just leave his stuff in situ until he feels like tidying but at same time shouldn’t be tidying up after him all the time. This forces him to at least do the step of putting things away so YANBU at all. If he doesn’t like the crap pile, he needs to tidy up after himself.

How long into your relationship did you discover his inability for basic tidyness? Have you been indulging it for too long?

Do you tidy up after him?

If so, why?

I'd put it all in the bin and when he eventually asks where it all is. I'd claim I never seen it.

Make lots of big signs and place them on top. Ask if he will be charging for his exhibit..
Do not move or wash anything..

I have a box for ds crap that's left everywhere for the exact same reason.

The only difference here is that when I ask to ds to collect his trail of breadcrumbs he'll happily do it. He accepts he's as disorganised as hell and others shouldn't have to slugger for it!

Instead of tidying up his stuff into a crap pile, just sweep the stuff on the kitchen worktops onto the floor. He’ll like that even less but at least he’ll have to pick it up himself.
Leave the glove on the recycling bin. He might forget where it is and have to go hunting for it, which will serve him right, or it might get rained in which will also serve him right. I might be tempted to accidentally cause it to fall off the bin, then accidentally tread lots of dirt onto it. Accidentally.
I might also be tempted to accidentally drop something on the pile of stuff on the floor. Butter or honey would be particularly unfortunate.

I sympathise!! I also have a DH box. If he/it annoys me I throw all the contents into the spare room/his study 😁

I have a 'box of crap' for all dh's bits and bobs he leaves lying about. Letters, screws screwdrivers, plastic things. All go into the box of crap.

I was fed up of being accused of 'moving stuff' when it had been 'right there'. Yes it was right there. 2 fucking weeks ago.

It's saves alot of petty bickering to be honest.

I second the "bin" recommendation.

Get a big box. Pile it all in there. Leave it where it will inconvenience him

Thing that made my DH start tidying up after himself was getting a dog. House rule- if it’s out and gets chewed it’s your bloody fault. My house has never been so immaculate

Read the OP's first post?

My husbands cricket gear is still in the hall. He last played 3 weeks ago but I'm haven't said anything!
I normally do and get the 'yesss I was just about to put it away' crap so now I'm doing an experiment to see how long it actually stays there and I will then use it to my advantage forever until we die (or divorce)

I’d move the crap pile into the laundry and shove everything you find there so anything clean gets stinky. Some things would also go in the bin never to be found again. Duck him!

My DH's crap gets placed directly on his keyboard in his the study. Even if he's working on it at the time and even if it's dripping MAMIL sweat.

It tends to get dealt with pretty pronto after that.

Shove it all into a box and bung it somewhere. His problem if he can't find his crap. Should have stored it better.

I love the idea of a DH crap box. I’m going to invest in one. My DH has a study off the spare room and works from home so the spare room has now become an extension of his study and therefore full of junk. It will now all be going in a big box and left in the study.

@Quia

I did.

Its not clear of she clears up after him

Would he clear up if you left it?

As in - is it just cos he came in hot and tired, chucked his stuff down and got in the shower? Would he tidy it up after he’s showered/grabbed something to eat etc? If so then I think YABU a bit - a bit of a temporary mess I think is ok.

If he would leave it there indefinitely YANBU.

I'd shove everything in a box in a cupboard somewhere and let him have a good hunt for his stuff (and offer no help) before 'remembering' where I put it.

He may get cross at you for doing this but remember - he doesn't listen when you (justifiably) 'nag' him, so has no right to expect you to listen when it's him who is whining... Just zone the discontent out and comfort yourself with the knowledge that if he can't find it, he can't leave it lying around either.

Has he always been selfish or did that come along with the cycling?

Yes, put every sticky stinking dropped item that belongs to him on his keyboard/laptop. That way it's his workspace that accumulates screwdrivers, bike tools, sweaty gloves, old coffee cups, papers. And it becomes nothing else to do with you.

A house is for living in too. If he leaves it there for hours I'd get it but I've come in after cycling and literally just stripping off everywhere, shoes in hallway, gloves and helmet in kitchen, glass of half drunken water left in living room, it just happens after a ride. Then i'll clear it away after a shower and some rest. No big deal but then I live on my own so thank fuck I can just live in my house as I like and all that matter is things put away at the end of the day. I am all for having a tidy house but you have to live in it too.