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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP's cycling chaos

88 replies

Biscuitsneeded · 24/07/2022 11:59

DP came in from a cycle 30 mins ago - he's now in the shower. I get that he's hot and knackered. However, I have found some kind of belt contraption by the bread bin. His water bottle, helmet, electronic gadget and one glove are on the kitchen island. The other glove is outside on top of the recycling bin. His glasses and one sock are abandoned on the kitchen table. His MAMIL lycra top is on a dining chair. His cycling shoes are abandoned under the coffee table. He made himself a cup of tea and mostly drank it but left it on the side even though there is a dishwasher right there.

If I say anything at all about this sort of thing I am accused of at 'getting at him', or nagging. He doesn't realise how chaotic he is, and I don't even try to keep an especially tidy house - far from it - but I just wish he wasn't oblivious to the trail of chaos he leaves. We now have a 'DP's crap pile', instigated by me, where I chuck anything of his that is left lying around and starting to drive me crazy. He doesn't like this either. AIBU?

OP posts:
cooldarkroom · 24/07/2022 16:45

Sorry but that is complete piss take.
Leaving his sweaty sock etc on the table.
I would wait till he has showered, then see if he tidies his stuff away, I sincerely hope he puts his own shit in the machine & cleans dries his other kit.
Because he will presumably want it clean/dry for the next ride ?
Failing that I would get a bin bag, collect up his shit & chuck it the window, with him watching
If he makes one single remark, you tell him the next time its going in the bin/ bonfire/
I assume he has a job, & is not a total prat in his work place ?

Maximoose · 24/07/2022 16:48

I think I might be your husband 😅

My husband always references my “triangle of crap”. Where I start at the front door and then just disperse my crap as I walk through the house. I’m fairly sure I have undiagnosed adhd though.

knackeredagain · 24/07/2022 16:48

I’m a bit like this. I annoy the fuck out of myself because I like a tidy house. Tell him to sort it out asap. It’s only getting at him because he doesn’t want to be told, but there’s a simple solution to that.

pd339 · 24/07/2022 16:48

bellac11 · 24/07/2022 16:28

And without even giving him time to rest, relax and then gather his stuff back up

Im a lot like the OP but I have to check myself because I think my OH has undiagnosed ADHD so really is disorganised and cant remember or think things through in a coherent way sometimes. It drives me round the bend. But Im also aware that his levels of what he is happy with in the house are different to mine. He simply doesnt think its a priority to move that screw driver or whatever. Whereas I do.

Neither of us is right and neither of us is wrong. (except I am right of course)

Show quote history

Exactly. Most people on this thread sound like self-important nightmares - I would hate to be married to them!

oobeedoobee · 24/07/2022 16:49

Agree 100% with PP's who have said to pile it up where it inconveniences HIM (Or start piling your shit up where it inconveniences HIM), because it's not bothering him when he inconveniences YOU, is he ? He's quick with the 'stop nagging' crap, so when he starts getting annoyed with YOUR stuff all over HIS 'spaces/workspace/garage', you can immediately say 'Oh stop nagging, I'll get to it when I'm ready ! (and don't be ready for bloody weeks !)

Hankunamatata · 24/07/2022 16:54

I did laugh as that's what its like when me and kids come in. We tend to get showered then sort things into the wash and things that need aired

Original poster
Biscuitsneeded · 24/07/2022 16:56

@bellac11 I also think my DP has undiagnosed ADHD. He genuinely does not see the issue...
To all who ask whether I tidy up after him, no I don't really. I just live with the constant mess because I am too busy to do much about it and feel pretty overwhelmed by it. I am also not at all a neat freak who jumps down his throat the minute he puts something down. I just can't understand why, when he wants to shed his cycling apparel, he can't shed it all in one place and then have his cup of tea and shower and then tidy it up! But we have been together 20 years and despite all my attempts to 'improve' him, he hasn't changed...

OP posts:
bellac11 · 24/07/2022 17:04

oobeedoobee · 24/07/2022 16:49

Agree 100% with PP's who have said to pile it up where it inconveniences HIM (Or start piling your shit up where it inconveniences HIM), because it's not bothering him when he inconveniences YOU, is he ? He's quick with the 'stop nagging' crap, so when he starts getting annoyed with YOUR stuff all over HIS 'spaces/workspace/garage', you can immediately say 'Oh stop nagging, I'll get to it when I'm ready ! (and don't be ready for bloody weeks !)

Why do you assume that he would be bothered by OPs things piling up?

MY OH isnt for example, he simply wouldnt see it.

Orgasmagorical · 24/07/2022 17:14

He genuinely does not see the issue...

They can be so believable.

bellac11 · 24/07/2022 17:17

I know for a fact that if my OH lived on his own he would live like that.

In fact he would probably be trapped in his belongings like Mr Trebus

Maximoose · 24/07/2022 17:22

bellac11 · 24/07/2022 17:17

I know for a fact that if my OH lived on his own he would live like that.

In fact he would probably be trapped in his belongings like Mr Trebus

My husband basically lived in a bin when we first got together! And now he’s more tidy than I am!

dustandroses · 24/07/2022 19:00

When I read this it reminded me of my DP he’s like a snake shedding his shin, leaves a trail everywhere. He has ADHD he knows he’s like this so doesn’t go off on one when I say tidy your mess.

I also don’t mind swiping it into one pile.

WinterDeWinter · 24/07/2022 19:16

ihavenocats · 24/07/2022 14:10

I have a box on the windowsill of his crap. Also a box on the radiator for belts and ties abandoned. In our room there's currently three boxes, one for rubbish I'm not sure it's okay to put in the bin, one for gym stuff, one for general crap. His clean washing goes on the computer chair, his dirty in a basket - none of this is done by him.

I have to mop after him for every hot drink as there's a trail of spillage. Wipe sides down when he's done making food and put rubbish in bin and clean cooker top, do the dishes from that, clean for for inevitable crumbs and wet.

After every shower must mop footprints off entire downstairs, open windows to let condensation out, put on extractor, pull shower curtain back so it doesn't mould, and hang up floor towel to dry for next time.

You're describing a live-in maid.

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