DP's cycling chaos

[Biscuitsneeded]

DP came in from a cycle 30 mins ago - he's now in the shower. I get that he's hot and knackered. However, I have found some kind of belt contraption by the bread bin. His water bottle, helmet, electronic gadget and one glove are on the kitchen island. The other glove is outside on top of the recycling bin. His glasses and one sock are abandoned on the kitchen table. His MAMIL lycra top is on a dining chair. His cycling shoes are abandoned under the coffee table. He made himself a cup of tea and mostly drank it but left it on the side even though there is a dishwasher right there.

If I say anything at all about this sort of thing I am accused of at 'getting at him', or nagging. He doesn't realise how chaotic he is, and I don't even try to keep an especially tidy house - far from it - but I just wish he wasn't oblivious to the trail of chaos he leaves. We now have a 'DP's crap pile', instigated by me, where I chuck anything of his that is left lying around and starting to drive me crazy. He doesn't like this either. AIBU?

Sympathies for you @Biscuitsneeded. I have one of those in the form of DH. MIL is the same. Both leave everything at their arses. (We've just had MIL stay for 5 days).

We don't have a spare room or study so I try and keep a fairly tidy house.

I just move everything to his chair in the living room. He has to be fair improved a lot over the years as he knows I'll happily chuck things if they are left at his arse.

OH came in from cycling he doesn't wear lycra says unless you're in the Olympic strata you look a right plonker. He made us a bacon bap each. I'd be slinging the mess out of the back door if I was the OP

And when you live with someone else you need to respect the fact that they live there too and don't want sweaty socks abandoned on the kitchen table, that's just foul. Plus it's just as easy to strip off all in one place, there is NO need to be leaving a trail of detritus everywhere inconveniencing and disregarding those you live with it's selfish.

I have a box on the windowsill of his crap. Also a box on the radiator for belts and ties abandoned. In our room there's currently three boxes, one for rubbish I'm not sure it's okay to put in the bin, one for gym stuff, one for general crap. His clean washing goes on the computer chair, his dirty in a basket - none of this is done by him.

I have to mop after him for every hot drink as there's a trail of spillage. Wipe sides down when he's done making food and put rubbish in bin and clean cooker top, do the dishes from that, clean for for inevitable crumbs and wet.

After every shower must mop footprints off entire downstairs, open windows to let condensation out, put on extractor, pull shower curtain back so it doesn't mould, and hang up floor towel to dry for next time.

I would helpfully put most of it into one of those storage boxes from IKEA. But (evil laughter) some of it I would put somewhere else. Like under the stairs, or behind the sofa, or in the shed, under the spare room bed. Then I would practise my puzzled and deeply concerned face….

” Oh, that’s odd, I’m sure I put all the cycling stuff you left lying around into the IKEA box. How strange that several essential pieces of your kit have mysteriously disappeared .”

Reading this list, I'm confused as to whether you have an adult husband or a badly trained child/dog!

It's quite gross really, all that stuff will be sweaty. I would get a box of some description and ask for it all to go in the box when he takes it off so he can sort it all out as his leisure but without it impacting you. It's pretty unhygienic to have all that stuff in various places around the kitchen.

What is the problem? Its his home too. Half an hour, a few items slightly misplaced which can easily be tidied away. Its not "chaos", its normal life.

I couldn't live like that - being under constant pressure from another person to tidy my things away. And I say that as a person who is generally a bit too tidy.

Its the weekend. Its for relaxing and recharging.

DH is like this. I once put his DH pile in a bin bag and slung it in the shed because I was sick of walking past it. When he asked where his stuff was he wasn’t happy. He hasn’t bloody changed though & he moans when DS leaves stuff everywhere but he’s exactly the same!

I’m currently seething about the bag of porridge oats he got out of the cupboard 4 days ago because he was going to make something but then didn’t. I’m biting my lip and biding my time.

What on earth do you and he wear when you exercise? I run, and I'm trying and failing to imagine what it would be like in some kind of restrictive, non-stretchy modern material.

OTOH those cotton/canvas shorts with pockets with a hidden cycling liner are ridiculous and for touring cyclists too concerned with looking fashionable than function.

YANBU. I can't stand people that just come in and leave a trail of crap behind them instead of putting things away. Generally, it's much more work to leave it dumped all over the place anyway (as you then have to go round again to tidy it all up and find things) so the logic baffles me

So let him accuse you of nagging or whatever. I'd give him an absolute earful and an ultimatum: he clears up after himself within 15 minutes or you bin it all. No second warning.

I wondered the same thing.

You can live in a house without leaving a trail of smelly, sweaty cycling gear all over the place, though, surely?

When you live with other people, you need to be considerate of them as well. It's just unpleasant to expect other people to deal with your stinky, sweaty clothes because you're too lazy to pop it in the laundry basket instead of all over the floor.

I couldn't live like that - being under constant pressure from another person to tidy my things away.

It might not be so bad if he dropped it all in the same place, but to walk through the house discarding stuff seems really odd to me.

YANBU, mine comes in from work and takes his shoes off in the living room, then goes upstairs to the room where the shoes live, leaving them in the middle of the living room rug.

You can relax and recharge without dumping your sweaty, smelly kit all over the house, though.

It would only take a couple of minutes to put his clothes in the wash, his bottle in the sink and his computer and kit back where he got it from. Hardly a monumental challenge!

We now have a 'DP's crap pile', instigated by me, where I chuck anything of his that is left lying around and starting to drive me crazy. He doesn't like this either. AIBU?

YANBU, OP.
What's his solution, if he doesn't like the stuff chucked in a pile? You cleaning up after him? 🤔
And how disgusting to throw a sweaty sock on the kitchen table 🤢

Not me, as I am single with a mysteriously tidy tween, but my best friend was pushed to her limit by this sort of behaviour from a returning adult daughter. My friend used a roll of sticky labels and wrote the date and time on a label for each thing, as she chucked them in a huge basket behind the sofa. It ended the “I was just about to put it away!” claim as invariably the items weren’t even mentioned or looked for until several weeks after they were labelled. It was soooo unfortunate that the labels were super-sticky, especially on sunglasses lenses 😁

Do you live with this current boyfriend? If you do live together I think you're being unfair. He wants to live with his stinking crap dropped wherever he likes and fuck you and what you say. As others have said, it's his house too.

Drives me crackers. Thankfully he has progressed to leaving it beside the washing machine in a sweaty heap to be washed at a suitable opportunity. Lab puppy is doing a cracking job of training him and the kids to put their shoes away 😂

Yes, the old ‘nagging’ reply to shut you up and put you down.
I get this, along with a look up to the sky, like here we go again. So I tidy because I don’t want to live in a pig sty.

I'd give him an hour (though if he's had time to make tea before his shower he's surely had time to move his shit) after getting in the door and then it would all be going on his side of the bed, where it is impossible for him to pretend it's not there or ignore how much shite he's strewing around.

Is he effectively expecting you to tidy away things in their correct places, OP?

I quite like fictional characters plan so you don’t aggregate it for him. I can’t say I would care two hoots if my husband didn’t like my method of dealing with his trail of manky debris. He got one chance and that was used up by him not liking you nagging him to pick them up. (Manky tried to autocorrect to manly but I was not having that!)