DP's cycling chaos

[Biscuitsneeded]

DP came in from a cycle 30 mins ago - he's now in the shower. I get that he's hot and knackered. However, I have found some kind of belt contraption by the bread bin. His water bottle, helmet, electronic gadget and one glove are on the kitchen island. The other glove is outside on top of the recycling bin. His glasses and one sock are abandoned on the kitchen table. His MAMIL lycra top is on a dining chair. His cycling shoes are abandoned under the coffee table. He made himself a cup of tea and mostly drank it but left it on the side even though there is a dishwasher right there.

If I say anything at all about this sort of thing I am accused of at 'getting at him', or nagging. He doesn't realise how chaotic he is, and I don't even try to keep an especially tidy house - far from it - but I just wish he wasn't oblivious to the trail of chaos he leaves. We now have a 'DP's crap pile', instigated by me, where I chuck anything of his that is left lying around and starting to drive me crazy. He doesn't like this either. AIBU?

He is probably knackered from a good work out, maybe wait until he comes out the shower to give him chance to clear up when he feels more refreshed? I live on my own and that is how I would be after a long walk with my dogs, unload wherever, flop with a drink and when I feel more energised sort everything out.

I think I’m married to his twin! He’s always complaining about the house being a mess, but when you look at the mess, it’s all his!

Exit kitchen and do not return until mess is cleared up. Don't say anything, just wait. If you normally cook take DC out, buy a snack and go to park, or go to cafe.

Just Chuck it in the bin, can’t be that important to him.

I’m like your husband, but it’s gardening crap mostly. It drives him mad, I realise this and try to be tidier. What’s actually worked most well is we moved to a house with a garage and that is now my place in glorious chaos.

Love this!

Now you see i would just leave it where he left it. If he doesn't like it he can move it himself. He doesn't like you creating a pile but happily dumps his nasty sweaty clothes around your shared home- he clearly thinks you should sort it out for him. As hard as it may be , step away, dont try and be his mother, leave it where it is and who is he going to have a dig at about the mess? Only himself, when its left for a while you can then say your not living with someone who treats a shared home like that and make decisions around next steps

Why are so many women on this thread running around tidying up after their ohs?!

Putting their stuff they've left for you to tidy up in wee boxes or wee piles?

Got you all running after the hand and foot.

Why would you do that?

Like a pp, I’m glad I don’t have a live in partner as I am also like the DH! I couldn’t cope if someone started nagging me about it. Yes, I get the whole respecting others thing, but I just wouldn’t want to live a life where I’m expected to do x/y/z immediately or there’s someone pissed off with me. I just clear up when I’m good and ready.

You need a dog. After the first few bidons have had the tops chewed off and the fancy pants glasses have been removed from the dog’s mouth they become a lot more careful

I remember, when first XH and I were still together and living in a small one-bedroomed flat, finding one his his VERY stinky socks in my handbag while I was out. He too thought it was absolutely fine to discard dirty/stinky stuff all over the place. And I was a 'nag' if I brought it up.

Obviously I just threw the sock away, but I also told everyone I knew about the stinky sock in the handbag-even if he was with me at the time.

Apparently it was 'disrespectful' of me to tell people of his slovenly habits-but, as I argued, it was more disrespectful of him to hurl clothes about with such gay abandon that I found one in my bag.

Anyhow- it turned out that he really didn't like people laughing at him/telling him he was gross so he started being much more careful about where he left his things.

Win-win- I didn't find stinky socks in my bag ever again and he never had to listen to me 'nag' about it ever again.

I’d forgotten the full joys of living with a cycling enthusiast. I don’t miss having to wipe down the kitchen chairs after he’d sat his sweatiness on them.

Currently I live with someone like this. The significant difference is that mine is a 13 yo boy and I WILL NOT let him leave home thinking it's not his job to pick up after himself.

We literally just had the following conversation.
Me: where's the wet towel?
DS: on my bed
Me: bring it down please

I don't think he has, so I shall go up and ask him again. And again. And again.

I hope in some years a partner he lives with isn't on here complaining about him.

If he's in the shower rather than horizontal on the living room floor sweating and groaning and shuffling the contents of his chamois or settled in front of the computer, still stinking, to spend a couple of hours geeking out over the details of his run on Strava, and his bicycle isn't in the house, you're winning😃

A simple, "Please pick your stuff up and put whatever needs washed in the laundry basket?" once he's showered and had something to eat and drink would suffice here.

Now I’m not the most tidy person myself, but I do at least put effort into tidying up each week and trying to put things away as I go. I have instigated a fining system; every time something is left on dining or kitchen table that person gets fined £1 (10p) for 9 year old DS. You’d be surprised how tidy the house stays. Although I do have to fine myself occasionally 😄!!

Most of that sounds like a minor irritation. But a dirty sock on the kitchen table?????????? That would make me pretty darn annoyed. Also WHERE IS THE OTHER SOCK?

Not into the laundry basket! Straight into the machine surely. It’ll be soaking with sweat.

So glad I got rid of my EX who did this. I absolutely hated being a nag but if you constantly behave like this, I will have to do it. If he didn't do it straight away, it would not get done. I also felt it was disrespectful as I was always the one cleaning and tidying. And I did not expect especially high standards either , just basic easy stuff .
It was great when I kicked him.out . Had boxes of his crap all ready for him to take to sort out. God knows he had nothing else to do, the unemployed loser.

It's his house too and so there needs to be a balance. Why on these sorts of threads does the house always have to be exactly the way the women want it?

Put it all in a box and leave it there. Heart rate monitor strap is the belt. But shirt anywhere from 50 - 200 pounds. Shoes - 100 - 400, helmet and glasses 100 - 500. So clearly he has too much money if he leaves his stuff about. Where is the bike kept? Mine is in the garage. I leave the helmet, glasses, computer and shoes in the garage. Bike kit straight in the wash basket, it's not difficult. But a box in the kitchen he can put them in as as he gets in is a good idea. Btw, I commute every day on a bike 25 miles so I can't see what his issue is. If his bike computer (100 - 600 pounds) goes missing then it's his fault.

I’ve not voted as it depends if he tidies up afterwards or not.

When I get in I do sometimes Chuck things on the side and then sort them out later.
But then I always sort them out later on.

If he does this and then cleans it up after his shower - YABU

If he does this and then doesn’t clean up after his shower - YANBU
And this would really piss me off!

How can you all want to have sex with someone you’re mothering?! I cannot understand it. It’s no wonder men are so woefully inadequate when they can behave like this and get away with it.

If I had someone clearing up after me whom I’ve relied upon to do so for years, I would continue with my comfortable routine. I have it good, what could possibly compel me to change?

And without even giving him time to rest, relax and then gather his stuff back up

Im a lot like the OP but I have to check myself because I think my OH has undiagnosed ADHD so really is disorganised and cant remember or think things through in a coherent way sometimes. It drives me round the bend. But Im also aware that his levels of what he is happy with in the house are different to mine. He simply doesnt think its a priority to move that screw driver or whatever. Whereas I do.

Neither of us is right and neither of us is wrong. (except I am right of course)

lift all and throw in the bin!