Mum on the train

[MumTrain]

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired.

It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon.

A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train.

AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

Same!!! Sometimes they are just so grumpy and tired no amount of telling them to be quiet will work infact it will probably make it worse and the op probably felt awful the whole time aswell makes me so anxious when my child is crying in public as I worry about things like this happening, children cry just have to deal with it, she wasn't on the train forever!

@pixie5121 not yet, but I'd bet my house that in future she will be in this position and won't appreciate somebodies tactless input.

was her child bothering everyone on the train? No.

You have no idea if anyone else cared.

The other mum cared because of her child.

So why are you asking if you were unreasonable then if you think it's bonkers?

Surely you just say, ‘sorry we’re getting off soon’.

Are you always quite so over dramatic?

One of mine used to have major meltdowns. I really felt for those around me. I knew that he is autistic and was often really struggling (other times it was just him being him), strangers just saw a screaming child.
Put yourself in the other mums shoes, don’t argue about who is the most out of order. Neither of you are (or weren’t until you started being dramatic).

I wouldn’t usually tolerate this but I made an exception as I didn’t want him to disturb people.

Well you did

And he did

You sound a bit entitled really. Doesn't matter whether it was 1 minute or 10 minutes in an enclosed space like a train I'd be attempting to comfort him / stop him crying

🙄Yes, it's a serious question.

The occurrence of a 3 year old crying just happens, yes. But doing nothing to stop it, does not. Whether it's soothing them when they fall over or, in the case of OP, telling DC she understands he wants to much more of the show but she needs the phone and him crying is disturbing other people and is not a way to get the phone back. Both are ways of not just letting a child cry.

The initial OP gave the impression she did nothing to stop him and proudly told the lady who came over that she had no plans to. It's not about the fact the child cried in the first place.

What a bizarre thread. Yanbu obviously.

She’ll have a tantrumming toddler in a couple of years 😂😂. Karma.

Sorry, you sound stressed, or not very nice.

I agree @OrientalDaisy. As a child if I cried I was either smacked and told off about it, or shut in a room on my own. I can't remember once being comforted when I was upset. That - and other horrible childhood things - has caused me long term mental health conditions

You sound a bit entitled really. Doesn't matter whether it was 1 minute or 10 minutes in an enclosed space like a train I'd be attempting to comfort him / stop him crying

Being on a delayed train can be quite stressful if your connections have all gone to pot. OP was trying to find out new ones on her phone. Quite important!

Sometimes you have to sort stuff out and leave performing toddler for a minute. That's travel!!

She didn't ask OP to make him stop crying. She politely asked the child directly if he would stop.

But then you say "I'm just doing something. We'll only be a minute. Thank you for your input but it's not necessary."

You don't refuse to stop him from crying.

If she was annoyed by your toddler’s behavior, she could have asked you to keep him quiet, which would be unreasonable too because he’s a 3 year old (I have one too, you have my sympathy) who might have additional needs that she knows nothing about. But hell no would I be ok with a stranger who thinks she can correct my child without speaking to me first. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to someone and in her position would likely have rolled my eyes and moved to another part of the train and remind myself that, annoying as it is, the world doesn’t revolve around my baby’s sleeping schedule. She sounds very entitled and I can completely understand your response.

I'd definitely care. I probably wouldn't say anything but it would make me very miserable. I'm autistic and screeching, whining, crying children are a meltdown trigger for me. I would expect at least an effort to get them to stop.

Sorry to hear that. And train travel must be difficult for you. As toddlers are often performing.

OP was in the unfortunate position of having to find connection times on her phone whilst her 3 year old wanted it.

For those who can stop a young child end of day crying can also stop a baby from waking up.
At this stage I get the feeling of ' bless her innocence ' when come across parents like her.

@chilliesandspices surely that’s worse?

YANBU, ignore all the sheep on here, if she had have said it to one of their children, they'd have been up in arms, waving the sword.

She's bonkers, OP.

As it is public, everyone should make an effort to minimise behaviours which affect others. Why should others have to move from the noisy/ disruptive passengers, be they crying babies, people yabbering loudly on phones orr lairy drunk people?

Shes on a train for goodness sake with the general public. There is going to be noise. You can't turn the volume down when you are in public spaces. Ridiculous.

I don't get why parents give a child a phone to stare at at every available moment. What happened to chatting about what's out the the window etc. Really sad. Everywhere you look kids are glued to phones like zombies

The other thing is that I’m not giving it back while in a public place, other people are disturbed for longer because the child will keep crying. I agree with not giving in while at home but on a train I think it’s considerate to do what you can to keep the child as quiet as possible.