Mum on the train

[MumTrain]

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired.

It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon.

A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train.

AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

Not child haters. Indulgent parent who lets their kid scream and bawl on public transport hating.

"scream and bawl" egging the pudding a bit there😁 Did we read the same OP?

All very over the top and dramatic tbh

Letting your child scream and bawl = indulgent parenting????

God alive what parent wants their child tantruming .

Honestly do you have kids?

Thats not that much different at all. Tantrums usually happen because children are either tired or overexcited and are not mature enough to calmly deal with those feelings especially when they are in an unfamiliar setting. Its not a manipulation technique to get a candy or a toy! It is usually as a result of sensory overload amongst many other possible reasons hunger, thirst, coming down with something and loads more . So what exactly needs nipping in the bud? So you only hug your crying children when they lose something or fall down?

YABU for not preparing for a train journey with your child and only having a phone to fall back on as entertainment.

This. Also, sometimes a strengthening your child to behave shocks them into doing it, so yabu.

This… OP made the situation worse. Two tired mums don’t always get it right & it sounds like the lady who asked the 3yo to be a little quieter asked so nicely & OP just took it as an attack instead of backing the mum with the baby up.

In what will feel like 5 mins you’ll both be teaching your teenagers how to negotiate trains on their own.

This feels like a total non event from both sides.

Think you were a little bit unreasonable to reply the way you did, but hardly a huge deal either way.

Your reaction is bizarre!? If my 3 yr old we’re having a meltdown on public transport, a stranger asking them to shh because a baby was sleeping would be exactly the sort of thing that would calm her/ snap her out of it . Maybe she was trying to help you!?
If she had a go at you because your tot was crying, she would be very U , but what on earth is wrong with her gently pointing out to your child that there is a sleepy baby nearby?? Your reaction was massively over the top and precious imv.

I said YANBU because she doesn’t know you or your child. He may have been /be autistic

How anyone can say you was rude is beyond me !

I think you was perfectly fine , take it she doesn’t also have a tired toddler as well as her baby too !

you we’re far more polite that I think I would have been . So we’ll done .

why can’t people just keep their noses out !

before I had kids it used to drive me mad on a plane/train but I never said anything because that’s kids , especially in new places and especially when tired .

Also why is it appropriate for a stranger to offer your child a toy or a sweet, but not appropriate for them to politely ask them to be quiet because a baby is sleeping ?
She wasn’t rude or unkind , telling a toddler that there is a sleeping baby nearby can be a very effective means of calming / quieting them, especially when the message is delivered by a stranger. Why did you take it personally instead of using the opportunity to gently encourage your son in some pro social behaviour?

You can bring your kids to first class.

Yep, this. She should have kept her nose out, we're all just trying our best at parents ffs.

She should have minded her own business. Good for you sticking up for yourself and your child.

And how exactly do you subdue all tantrums? Please enlighten me.
Some children cannot and will not calm down until they choose to, no matter what you try. Others do.

Why in no uncertain terms would you not want to make your child stop crying and disturbing the whole train?

Weird.

YABU. Very.

Because it’s all about her baby, fuck that, she would have had a less polite answer from me. Parents should parent their own children and not interfere with other people’s children.

Gosh. If another adult had asked me to be quiet in public it would have absolutely been used as a lesson as to how my behavior effects others and I'd need to apologize then behave. As a result, I am now a considerate adult.

Why is this not the case anymore?

Because a 3 year old can't be held accountable like an adult. You would think that's obvious..... the little boy is 3. Its not unusual behaviour from a 3 year old but your response is!

Yes OP why didn’t you gently encourage your 3 year old child into some pro social behaviour. Please consider staying home with your toddler until he is a responsible adult.
🤦‍♀️

YANBU. There is no way she should have asked your son to stop crying. I would have been fuming. Absolutely out of order.

You have GOT to be kidding. Some posters on here have not only been smug with their 'my parenting is soooo much better than yours' type posts, but they have been plain nasty to the OP too. So much for Mumsnet posters supporting other mums eh?

In the olden mumsnet says someone would have drily commented ‘someone left the gates open again at the cnut farm’.

These sad days one of the daily mail imports will complain and my post will be deleted. It’s properly boring.

Maybe she thought that she could help by distracting your son - by talking about the baby that maybe he would understand. I wouldn’t do what she did, but I don’t think it’s as twattish as you’re making it out to be. Your reaction seems a little OTT.

I am stealing this saying 😁