Mum on the train

[MumTrain]

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired.

It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon.

A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train.

AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

And this is why there are so many entitled young people nowadays.
OP needed to tell her son to stop making a noise and think of others. At 3, children are old enough to understand that.

You overreacted and quite unnecessarily rude. Hopefully you're feeling embarrassed now and won't behave like that again.

@sunglassesonthetable Ive never actually seen anyone scream the place down?

How does it happen?

How does it happen?

I'm presuming you've been around small children. Use your imagination.

I've had two, but never ever seen a place screamed down?

It's such an utterly ridiculous and nonsensical saying?

Why do you use it?

I've had two, but never ever seen a place screamed down?

It's such an utterly ridiculous and nonsensical saying?

Why do you use it?

Each to their own, lots of people do.

Not dying on this hill @hesttreat

Both a bit unreasonable imo. I used to get irrationally angry about any noise at all when trying to get my son to nap (even at seagulls)... it was unreasonable but I really felt it at the time! Equally, your response was a little OTT - I have a 3 year old as well as I would have tried to get him to be quieter (not necessarily for the mother of the baby, but for the whole carriage). I might have said something like 'wait until your little one is 3' though which I admit isn't a huge amount better!

Ok so next time you're upset and crying imagine someone telling you to stop crying. How is that going to make you feel? Reassured? Safe? No, not only will you be upset but also now you won't be able to express the upset as that's not allowed.

Argh. This is a bug bear of mine. I agree that if a child is crying for genuine upset (eg fell and hurt himself, or lost something important to them) it's harsh to tell them to stop crying. My father in law says that to my kids and I can't stand it. BUT if it's whining or tanrumming to try to get what they want (there is a different) then that needs nipping in the bud.

I don’t think you were being unreasonable. Expecting a carriage to be silent because your baby asleep though is the height of unreasonableness and I suspect she will have many days ahead where this is not possible. No one likes a crying child (or baby) but, the fact is that sometimes it happens and it sounds like you were doing your best to deal with it.

I feel some of the threads on munsnet are used for other uses who are so bored and have nothing better going on in their own lives to belittle other parents. OK so some of you don't agree with how the poster reacted and that's fine it is a discussion. However is there really any need to be so mean to other posters. None of us parents are experts on how we bring up our children and every day it brings challenges. Some days we come onto mumsnet to seek advice but more often than not you always get a fair few that just want to bring other parents down.

When you read a post take time to think about your reply, think about how you would feel if it was you writing that thread you are replying to. Not saying you have to agree with every post but just be kind with your replies.

I myself only two weeks ago was looking for reassurance about an issue with my son. My 19 year old son who I adore and brings no trouble into our family was very much called allsorts by so many other parents on the thread, a thread that I started to seek advice. Some of the replies on this thread just like mine have been evil and cruel.

So to those that have made snide comments on this thread jog on if the thread is winding you up so much and leave this poor mum alone.

It's best in public to keep your little one as quiet as possible. Having been both the one with the upset toddler and the one with the sleeping baby, it is the parent with the upset toddler who should try to meet in the middle. I know it's noisy on public transport, but not everyone can afford a car and little ones need their sleep

@SunniG couldn’t agree. Some very nasty, bitter people out there.

*couldn’t agree more

Wow! I’m removing this threads notifications-if I see one more person state “toddlers have tantrums! It’s just what they do” Then I’m genuinely going to lose the plot.

Yes, yes they DO have tantrums-and it’s YOUR job as a parent to know your child and work out a way to teach them not to. So many ‘new age’ parents on here that seem to think it’s healthy to let a child tantrum out-and in public.
No, it’s not ok. Do your job and parent your child! Just because they don’t stop when you tell them to does not mean you just leave them to it-it’s literally your job to work out how to teach your child good behaviours and manners-and if you don’t start now then you’re all going to find yourselves with asbo teens.

So many incredibly childish comments on here too, “DM sheep”??? get a bloody grip!! If you’re resorting to tacky, meaningless insults to anyone that tells you different to your own view, then you’ve already lost your own argument.

But the OP hasn't said she wasn't trying to get him to be quiet... just that simply saying "be quiet" isn't going to do anything.

Wow! I’m removing this threads notifications-if I see one more person state “toddlers have tantrums! It’s just what they do” Then I’m genuinely going to lose the plot.

what have a tantrum

Yes, yes they DO have tantrums-and it’s YOUR job as a parent to know your child and work out a way to teach them not to. So many ‘new age’ parents on here that seem to think it’s healthy to let a child tantrum out-and in public.
No, it’s not ok. Do your job and parent your child! Just because they don’t stop when you tell them to does not mean you just leave them to it-it’s literally your job to work out how to teach your child good behaviours and manners-and if you don’t start now then you’re all going to find yourselves with asbo teens.

OFGs it goes wrong sometimes. Get off your high horse.

It went wrong for OP and DS kicked off. She wasn't "leaving him to it" she was trying to read the train times. She says it was a minute.

Why is it nasty?

OP YANBU

The woman with the baby should have been in solidarity with you.

yabu - She was probably trying to help you

She doesn't sound like she was doing anything wrong to me! She knelt down to his level and politely asked him to be quiet. I have a feeling she was trying to help you. It's the sort of thing I'd do. Not to be horrible or because I can't stand the noise, but to help the toddler calm down. I've had situations like that on planes before when a toddler has been inconsolable, so I've done what I thought was supportive and tried to distract the child and it's worked.

I don't think the lady did anything wrong. She didn't criticise you. She got down to your son's level.and asked him to keep quiet. That's fine isn't it?

Your post gives me a ray of hope that we are not quite doomed.

doomed? 😁🙄

Yep pandering to tantrummy 3 year olds like they are too precious and fragile to say no to. Do you want to live in a society of kids who’ve never been taught to consider other people from an early age?

OP's son cried for a minute and you're fortelling " a society of kids who've never been taught to consider others ". Don't make me laugh.

I'm sure this little boy will grow up just fine. 😁

Shame about the child haters that walk among us though. This thread is one long criticism of small children and their parents by people who think they know better.

Sometimes not pandering to them means the tantrum will last a bit longer - this is obviously necessary for the long term goal of not letting them become spoiled.. but at the same time, apparently it's completely unacceptable for a toddler to cry for one minute in public...? Something's not adding up here...