Mum on the train

[MumTrain]

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired.

It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon.

A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train.

AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

I'm not scared to say no to a 3 year old. However, I know that it's guaranteed not to stop a tantrum.

@sunglassesonthetable - clearly no, you don't. OP could have done lots of things differently to manage the situation better. She could have warned the boy so he wouldn't cry, could have involved him with "help mummy check the train time, can you spot a number 3...", could have put an arm round to comfort him, etc. Any of those things might have stopped the tears. She and you just shrug that kids cry, but it doesn't have to be the case that he cried in this situation. Just because some 3yo can't moderate their behaviour sometimes doesn't mean giving up on all of them all of the time.

Of course yabu. Why didn’t you give your DS a warning, time the taking of the phone with the end of a video, etc?

Yabvu

The woman on the train was a dick and once her baby is a toddler hopefully she realises how stupid she was being.

The majority of the replies on this thread are ridiculous, typical perfect Mumsnet parents who's children never cry or have tantrums over anything and if they do they give them a stern look and the instantly pipe down 🙄

@CornishGem1975

Totally agree with this … as if you can get a 3 yr old who’s tired and having a tantrum after a day out to just stop crying .. if I was on that train you’d have my sympathy as a mum.

..and asking people to keep the noise down in public places so your baby can sleep is just precious sillyness!

And this is why you don’t give gadgets to a lid who is too young to understand when it’s time to put them away. They are addictive! Buy him a sticker book next time.

Children need to cry it's an emotional and am experience. FFS even as adults we want our way sometimes and may sulk. YOUR not perfect!

You’ve not read the full thread…. I did try to comfort him

You’ve not read the full thread…. I did try to comfort him
Your timeline of events is pretty confusing to be fair, as is your version. It's changed a few times so people can be forgiven for not understanding.

I currently have my second three year old. People understand that you can’t stop them tantruming, but they want to see you at least trying to stop them. Looking at your phone (bearing in mind they don’t know what you are doing) will have looked like you didn’t care.

Haven't read the whole thread but I think the other women should have just left your DC alone. Unless she was offering a magical solution to stop the tantrum, which she wasn't!

In the OP you didn't, then later maybe you were giving the phone back (unclear), then you did comfort him, then you didn't because there's no point talking to a 3 year old... Sorry, I didn't know which versions to buy into, and I was addressing another poster who was clear she definitely saw no point in trying to get a child to stop crying.

sunglassesonthetable - clearly no, you don't. OP could have done lots of things differently to manage the situation better. She could have warned the boy so he wouldn't cry, could have involved him with "help mummy check the train time, can you spot a number 3...", could have put an arm round to comfort him, etc. Any of those things might have stopped the tears. She and you just shrug that kids cry, but it doesn't have to be the case that he cried in this situation. Just because some 3yo can't moderate their behaviour sometimes doesn't mean giving up on all of them all of the time.

I love the cool calm benefit of hindsight! 😁 " "Can you spot no 3? " Love it! So easy from behind a computer eh?

She and you just shrug that kids cry, but it doesn't have to be the case that he cried in this situation. Just because some 3yo can't moderate their behaviour sometimes doesn't mean giving up on all of them all of the time.

Give me a break. "Giving up on them" 😁A bit dramatic.It's just a tired and cranky 3yr old kicking off at the end of the day. Happens all the time tbh.

as addressing another poster who was clear she definitely saw no point in trying to get a child to stop crying.

@MRex

No you misunderstood

Totally agree with this … as if you can get a 3 yr old who’s tired and having a tantrum after a day out to just stop crying
So you never bother to try? What do you do? Let them scream until they decide to stop which we know can be a very very long time, or hand up giving them what they want? Either way, how are they to learn that it's not acceptable to disturb others?

Hindsight? The opposite. It's absolutely predictable that snatching a phone away from a tired child will upset them, so the process needs to be managed. Give a warning, distract while doing the task etc. It's standard parenting.

Hindsight? The opposite. It's absolutely predictable that snatching a phone away from a tired child will upset them, so the process needs to be managed. Give a warning, distract while doing the task etc. It's standard parenting.

how lovely to be so adept.

Give a warning, distract while doing the task etc. It's standard parenting.

Thinking of the all the parents not reaching the standard. In situations where they have done it wrong. With kids kicking off. Oh dear.

Whilst reading train timetables 👍🏻

I think it’s fine you need to vent here, OP. It’s never nice to be confronted in public about an issue surrounding your kid - mums are, after all, mostly always trying to do their best. The comments here criticising your parenting are reaching and then some.

I don't know what you think sounds hard @sunglassesonthetable. Personally I'd struggle to focus with a child screaming far more than with them chatting. Also,
most people use a maps or train app rather than timetables; it's easier and you get real-time updates on the service.

I don't know what you think sounds hard @sunglassesonthetable. Personally I'd struggle to focus with a child screaming far more than with them chatting. Also,
most people use a maps or train app rather than timetables; it's easier and you get real-time updates on the service.

Err do you think OP wanted them screaming? I have no doubt she was struggling to focus.

I'm honest enough to admit it sometimes is not easy with a toddler. And not just this "oh it's standard parenting"... bollox.

'Train timetables' = train app or whatever 🙄

I agree!

You shouldn't assume. It would of been none of your business. What's hilarious about these high horse comments is it could of beeb any of out children crying. Anybody would think it lasted 30 minutes the way posters are being so dramatic. The child could of been unwell or in pain... you can't just jump to conclusions about a stranger.

Let's hope the other mum's baby didn't wake up and scream the place down.

🤷‍♀️