Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To press ahead with this despite DH opposition

81 replies

DancingQueen2018 · 23/07/2022 22:47

We have a 5 bed house 2 doubles 3 singles, we’ve historically always kept the 2nd double as a guest room but it gets used maybe twice a year.

DD1 is now 12 and ideally needs a bigger room, first prize would be to reconfigure the entire upstairs but that isn’t an option right now, so I’m planning to move her into the spare room so she can have a desk for homework and just more room.

DH is vehemently opposed to this and thinks she should just carry on in the small single (despite having a high sleeper she nearly thumps her head on the ceiling in). Mainly it appears As it means getting rid of a perfectly serviceable wardrobe from the current spare room (we’ve had it 15?years, but so huge there’s no way of moving it). I’m going to pay for the whole thing and do all the work myself. Is this massively unreasonable of me???

OP posts:

worriedatthistime · 23/07/2022 22:49

No not unreasonable your dd gets a better more suited room

NiqueNique · 23/07/2022 22:50

No not at all and it’s a bit odd that he’s so adamantly against his daughter having a bigger, nicer room which is would be better suited to her needs as a teenager. What on earth is his issue with it??

underneaththeash · 23/07/2022 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hankunamatata · 23/07/2022 22:50

get her a normail bed and give dd the other single too so she has study/chill out room.

OwlinaTree · 23/07/2022 22:51

Is the 12 year old the oldest? What will happen when your other children need more space? Is that the reason your DH is opposed do you think?

NiqueNique · 23/07/2022 22:52

Oh. So evidently a wardrobe matters more than his daughters comfort and having a better set-up? How strangely shortsighted of him!

Original poster

DancingQueen2018 · 23/07/2022 23:01

@underneaththeash why yawn?

DD2 is 6 and desperate to move to the high sleeper, which I figure gives me 4 more years to save for the reconfiguration plan, which will leave us with 3 doubles. Plus way more use out of it!

I don’t really understand his opposition and when I’m pressed he says 1. The bloody wardrobe and 2. We won’t have a double spare. But one of the other singles is a study with double sofa bed, and DD knows she may need to move at Christmas etc…

OP posts:

NumberTheory · 23/07/2022 23:02

I don’t think what you want to do is unreasonable, but I think it’s unreasonable to simply go ahead when your partner is opposed. (Unless he’s a complete ass in general and you’re only there because splitting up is too difficult right now).

This is something you need to discuss until you can both agree on a way forward.

NiqueNique · 23/07/2022 23:10

I disagree. This change benefits two of the children and apparently all the H is concerned with is a wardrobe. I certainly wouldn’t be waiting around for his ‘permission’, I’d be sorting things for the children to be better situated in rooms that are better suited to them.

ANewNameANewDay · 23/07/2022 23:18

Eh?? Your plan is logical and utilises the space in the family home best for, ahem,^^ the family that lives in it.

To fuck with your husband!

PersonaNonGarter · 23/07/2022 23:21

YANBU. Why are you paying a mortgage for a wardrobe to ‘enjoy’ a big room when your DD could actually enjoy it? It makes no financial sense.

Also, guests are a lot less important that DC.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/07/2022 23:23

Does the wardrobe lead to Narnia. If so YABU

SpindleInTheWind · 23/07/2022 23:25

Has this wardrobe got Narnia in it or something?

SpindleInTheWind · 23/07/2022 23:26

Ah mate loving the X-post!

Weenurse · 23/07/2022 23:30

Just be prepared for push back at Christmas, trying to get a teen to leave their bolt hole is impossible.
SIL tried this sort of move with proviso that Teen would move out when grandparents came to stay. It never happened.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 23/07/2022 23:33

So the guests you may possibly have a few days a year are more important to DH than your daughter? I don't see that relationship going well in the future.

OPTIMUMMY · 23/07/2022 23:35

I agree with you, your home should be used in the way that is best for those who actually live there. If your daughter is regularly bumping her head due to the high sleeper it’s simply not suitable any more and her needs should trump those of occasional guests and that of an old wardrobe! Guest rooms are nice to have but not at the expense of the comfort of your family!

PinkPhlox · 23/07/2022 23:46

YABU to pay for the whole thing and do all the work yourself when DD is both of yours!

Obviously Dd should move into the bigger room.

PatternedPinkPlate · 23/07/2022 23:57

Who normally stays as a guest , is it his family? Is he thinking of a parent moving in? Is he thinking of you selling and moving?
all things I would be wondering

MarshaMelrose · 24/07/2022 00:04

PinkPhlox · 23/07/2022 23:46

YABU to pay for the whole thing and do all the work yourself when DD is both of yours!

Obviously Dd should move into the bigger room.

Why should her husband have to do the work when he doesn't want the room for that function? If he decided they should build a brick playroom at the bottom of the garden and the op hates the idea, should she still work as a navvy, carting bricks around for him every weekend?

PinkArt · 24/07/2022 00:06

Does the Important Wardrobe have to be moved out? No way of making the room work for your DD with it in there?

ThinWomansBrain · 24/07/2022 00:10

if DH so keen on the wardrobe

put it in the newly spare room
shut him in it
- problem solved

Deadringer · 24/07/2022 00:10

Your dh is weird.

WinterMusings · 24/07/2022 00:12

Is the wardrobe a piece of furniture of importance to him? (From a grandparent or something??) If not, 1 makes NO sense.

I don't understand marriages where you have totally separate money, but it seems unfair you shoukd have to pay to make the bedrooms useable for children, not wardrobes!!

if you really have to kick DD out of her bedroom for 'guests' then give her a date to work to, to make the other room as she wants it! Put all her bedding in the small room & use your existing guest stuff for the guests. But only move her IF the guests cannot possibly use the other rooms.

Teddeh · 24/07/2022 00:23

I don't understand the wardrobe situation. Is it fine in the other double if that's a spare/guest room, but not with DD12 using the room full time? You've said it's too big to move, but it''ll have to be moved in order to get rid of it. If it can't stay where it is and can't go in the other double (your room) but he can't part with it, could it go into storage for now? No double room for guests seems a minor issue if DD12 is prepared to switch temporarily if there are guests who can't use the other spare, especially as having guests at all sounds rare.

As the little one is eager to have the room the older one doesn't want, it sounds like everyone really likes the changes except your husband. I do think you probably need to talk him round, but I'd be wanting more convincing reasons why he's resisting.

Flip

1 2 3 4