One thing they get wrong in films or TV dramas about your job

[KarlWrenbury]

In schools. That boyfriends (invariably ) could just turn up in classes
See. Bruce almighty. Yesterday. Cheaters.

Not about my job, but tvs and movies never mention safer sex and condoms when there are 'love' scenes.

Teaching again...

Class sizes are always tiny - they never show over 30 kids stuffed into a tiny room with several sitting on the ends of desks to cram them all in.

Teachers have time to sit down in the staff room together at break and lunctime having lots of tea and busicuits. All of the teachers socialize together outside of work, and everyone in the school has slept with someone else on the staff at some point.

At most teachers take home a neat pile of about 20 books to mark - they never stagger out with two bags for life crammed full of marking.

A simple grade on a test paper or homework is fine - no need for lengthy written feedback on how to improve.

Memebrs of the teacher's family, caual boyfriends, their friends just wander into school or tap on their classroom window to have a chat with them mid lesson. No one alerts the office that there has been an intruder/ potential security risk and randomers have somehow managed to get in and by pass the doors that need a fob to open them, and have not gone to the office to sign in and get a visitor lanyard.

Chest compressions. Gives me the rage when people weakly and slowly flap around the chest of someone in cardiac arrest. You need lots of force and compressions need to be brisk.

Also annoys me how most people in cardiac arrest recover on TV - sadly it's not like that IRL.

Agree! Apparently we bake cakes in frilly aprons and full makeup, just popping an occasional cake into the oven.

In reality it’s hairnets and crocs and staying up till the early hours to finish a stressful wedding cake! And don’t get me started on ganache day 😂

That you can take a random bit of crap with no clean-up, chuck it in a vial on a GC (always a GC) without calibration & get a result in a few minutes that needs no other validation to be defendable.
You never have to negotiate equipment time with other colleagues,maybe because you're all running the same no prep., no interpretation, 5-minute method.
Anyone know where I can get one of those instruments? I'm sure we could find the budget for it.

That your students are all mini musical prodigies who do loads of practise and can faultlessly play and are interested in Mozart sonatas and the like from a young age

That journalists are all pushy and get to spend weeks/months on each story investigating, finding hidden leads etc.

In films they break the law loads, they'd have lost their jobs. And I only get about 2 hours per story... not even a day much less months.

Ah, politicians. Yes, Minister remains the closest thing to the truth. State of Play (UK version) was laughable.

Most politicians barely know what day it is. They are lobbied constantly so will occasionally get excited about some random thing that has cut through the noise. Some of them have decent expertise and conviction, but the majority are only really schooled in being a career politician, and have some long running hobby horse that distracts them too much. Many of them are very stupid.

That Job Centre staff are all hard hearted and make life difficult for the claimants. All the colleagues I have come across have the (reasonable) claimants interests at heart.

Teacher (young, brand new or supply) is given really bad class to teach. Bad behaviour consists mainly of flicking paper at each other. Class falls silent when teacher bollocks them, instead of completely ignoring her/ him.

Kids and teachers all know each other, even in massive schools.

Schools have a newspaper and proactive Kids. I was gutted when I got to high school and a. We weren't all reading the classics from yr7 and b. There was no school newspaper, with editors etc.

The Drs do your job. See House. Where they appear to know how to do ultrasounds and other diagnostic examinations themselves.

I have been in hospital a few times in Germany and Austria, and seen consultants for follow up treatment. In all cases (e.g. in A&E, on the ward, in the consulting room) the consultant did the ultrasound scans. My GP (in Austria) does ultrasound scans and has an X-ray room.

Speak for yourself 😆

Everything! That everyone is gorgeous and super slim and has amazing blow dries.

That the designer draws amazing sketches on massive pieces of paper and slim gorgeous young people in white coats stitch things together by hand.

And that the designers make the clothes themselves.

Greed was the most realistic version of the clothing industry, at least it admitted the clothes aren't all made in garrets in Paris. The 'fashion' in In The Heights was utterly preposterous.

@TheMoth I once helped to run a school “newspaper”. We put out about two editions a year and it was 90% the work of teachers. I’d actually love to run one like you see on TV but in reality you’d have precisely one student who would be at all interested!

The only civil servants that are ever depicted are the ones who work in Whitehall - and I'm sure they aren't all either venal, ruthless psychopaths or bumbling incompetents. My bit of the civil service, which involves a lot of report writing and having meetings on Teams, isn't ever shown, but it's just as well because it would be boring af.

I think most people would be aware of all this from the innumerable programmes like 24 Hours in A&E, 999 What's your Emergency and other fly-on-the-wall programmes where we see paramedics in action.

Their calmness always impresses me.

That when person has a cardiac arrest, someone does a few CPR compressions and the victim wakes up. In real life, CPR is only useful in about 5% of cases. I'ts really tragic that families who've seen CPR done in movies, think that their loved one is going to be revived when in fact it's highly unlikely.

How quickly & easily Court Orders & Warrants can be obtained.
"DS Bloggs, run down to the Court & get a Warrant".
No spending days writing & rewriting to get the draft through management, then waiting to get into the Court to swear the Warrant /Order.
Once you have the Order you have to serve it on the institution & wait for the material to come back (eg phone records or bank statements).
I understand that they need to compress the process because reality is boring but by God it's maddening.
Ditto "You're nicked" is not a proper arrest, where's the statement of being arrested on suspicion of being knowingly concerned with (crime), contrary to section A of the XYZ Act, (year). Where's the grounds & necessity for the arrest, where's the full caution of the prisoner & the ensuring that they have understood it correctly?
If you handcuff a prisoner, cuff behind the back, not in front. Then they can't run away, grab the steering wheel /handbrake or try to choke the driver on the way to the police station.
Do a quick search of the person before arrival at custody because it's embarrassing when you don't & the custody sergeant asks you if you have done one & you say no so he gets one done & there's all kinds of things in the prisoner's pockets that they could use to harm themselves etc.
Grrrrr!

Yes, and they don't show the students busily chatting, coming & going from lecture theatres & on their phones during the lecture - there's always a rapt audience looking intently at the lecturer 😂

Yep. Been there. Schools always have so much more going on in telly too.

A real life school newspaper would be:
It's anti bullying week for the second time this month. Remember kids: don't bully.
It's theme day in the canteen on Thursday. You're probably best bringing your own lunch that day.
Can people please stop vandalising... everything please?
Football team won/ lost against some other kids. There are no other sports in school, so don't worry about that.

@HeartshapedFox
What the heck is wrong with Giles from Buffy?
Phwoaarrrr.

To be fair both my dad and my MIL referred to all cats as "she" despite most of our cats having been male.

That you get a positive result in seconds just by hitting the return key, rather than spending hours or days looking for it. Or you have to fill out a form, get it signed off by a boss and wait weeks for it to come back or for it to just be totally ignored by some of the tech companies.

That there's always lots of parking spaces right outside the office. In reality if you're in later than 8am you don't stand a chance of finding free parking.

That's why so few people realise that accountants are actually the life and soul of a business - and usually the most attractive employees.

ps Is the IFRS 16 party still going ahead on Wednesday?

Did years of bar work. No one ever asked for a glass of lemonade. Maybe blackcurrant and lemonade but never just lemonade. No one ever asked for a pint without pointing to the pump they wanted.