Am I even cut out for work..?!

[itsoneofthosethings]

I'm really struggling.
I'm 25 - been working in various roles in v serious companies since I've been 16, so never been out of work.

I truly feel as though I've never found something I LOVE and want to do.. and I really gets to me.

Every day I dread work. Not so much the work I do, but the people I work with. I struggle to assert myself and I am fully aware that I get walked all over. I'm sick of being told what to do, by colleagues at the same professional level in the company as me.

I'm sick of that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach every morning before I go to work, and the feeling of just wanting the ground to swallow me up / to escape when I'm there. I find I'm always daydreaming of 'what if I just left.. just walked out right now' which is worrying me.

I feel some kind of empowerment knowing that my fate is in my hands, if I wanted to leave and walk away I could. But of course I never would. I need the money to live!

Does anybody else feel this way?! I just want to do something I enjoy. I don't know what to do.. if I should look for a new job; considering I've got a very busy few months coming up with my wedding and honeymoon in September, so it would be a log of stress and upheaval. I just hate this feeling.

I've just come back home today after a lovely weeks holiday and maybe that's what's contributing to my depressive state. But each time I think about Monday, going back to work, I feel like I could cry 😢

I've been receiving emails all week whilst off with things I need to do when back next week, most being from a colleague in particular that appears to take great pleasure in telling me how to do my job; when they aren't even in my department. It's made me wobbly each time I've seen them pop up. I'm just feeling really fragile!

Anybody ever felt the same? Not sure what I'm asking here but I'm just fed up of feeling like I'm stuck in a hole of not really knowing what I want to do and and I want my career to go..

Sorry - it's a long one!!

No I understand how you feel completely! I am 28 and I keep applying for new jobs and the first time I went to an interview and didn’t get offered it I was gutted but now I feel a sense of dread. I hate going to work in my current role and I feel dread at the end of each day.

it is not made any easier by seeing people in the same age bracket making a fortune working for themselves and the majority of my family are rolling in it because they work for themselves too..

I understand your frustrations and here for a hand hold, sorry couldn’t be more help! I’d love to say go ahead and quit but it’s not that easy at all is it 😩

Now I feel a sense of dread and relief* that’s supposed to say 😅

Life is too short so find something you don't mind doing. Try and stick this job out until you find something else and maybe get searching asap. I've made the mistake of leaving before finding something else and I got stuck in a bad rut. I did have really legitimate reason leave but still it's a bad idea. Hope you find something better

Could you have some executive life coaching or counselling with someone who specialises in assertiveness. It could transform your life because whatever job you do you're likely to need to deal with colleagues or clients and you need to be able to stand up for yourself and have decent boundaries.

Your colleague should not have been contacting you while you were on leave.
Your first step towards asserting yourself should to be to complain to your manager about it, as you have now not had a proper break, and it could be construed as harrassment or bullying.
Your second step should be to mute/block calls from work/this particular colleague and use an out of hours setting, so that even if she does continue to phone you outside your working hours, you won't be disturbed by it.
Step 3 is to look for another job. If it's got to the stage that you dread going to work, you are in the wrong place. Contacting a career coach would be a good plan, maybe once the wedding is over.
Can you afford not to work for a few months?

Thanks all! I definitely wouldn't walk out / quit without having something else lined up, sadly I couldn't afford to be out of work in that way.
I will look into a Councellor for assertiveness and help with confidence building. I do think to an extent, people see me 'coming' as I'm so easy to push over, I am aware of that but I just can't bring myself to stand up for myself. I hate that about me.

I will definitely look into a work coach / someone that can also help me with where I want to go career-wise.. I just don't have a clue myself.

The idea of WFH, no other colleagues to see daily...That sounds like bliss to me!!

Don’t check your work email while you are on leave - unless your colleague was emailing your personal account (in which case that is not on). It’s not unreasonable for people to continue sending emails to your work account while you are on holiday but only for you to pick up when you get back. If you have the app on your phone then delete it. And you know how you feel now so start job hunting.

Thinking yourself not cut out for work is a dangerous line of thinking.. Who is going to provide for you if you don't work? Seriously?

Why are you looking at work emails while you're on leave?

I like @Pinkspice 's idea.

You are going to need to feel sure of yourself in life and work. If you decide to work for yourself, doubly so. You might not have colleagues but you'd have customers to please and there'll be times when you will absolutely have to be assertive.

Are you checking work emails while you're away, or is a colleague contacting you on a personal email address?
I work in a senior role, and if I am off, do not check work email, and make it clear before I'm away that I do not expect to be cc'd on day to day crud that I don't beed to know about - Chief Exec knows that she can text in an emergency.
If it's your personal email address, tell the person to use your work email only and/or block them on your personal email, If you go for the "telling them" option and they persist, report them to HR, or set up an autoreply that essentially says fuck off, use my work email address - maybe a bit more courteously.

You don;t say what you do, but there are a lot more hybrid roles around now, and organisations working totally remotely.
If you're planning a wedding, maybe best not to add in the stress of job hunting/new job right now, but have a good think about what you do want, and what you want to avoid in your next role.
If you started work at 16, are there any qualifications that you could acheive that would take you into more senior roles?

No I've not been actively checking my emails, they pop up on my phone when one comes through. Thanks for the advice - I've just removed the work emails app until I'm home..
The emails that I HAVE seen come through are all really negative; things ive 'done wrong' according to colleague, who doesn't work in my role.. things I need to do immediately once back, etc etc. she isn't covering my work, so I've no idea why she's been checking over my inboxes whilst I've been gone.

I know the line of thinking / mental state I'm in at the moment is really not good. I do suffer with my MH.. mostly crippling anxiety (no excuse!) so I am used to these waves of emotion but I'm just feeling very very fragile over the whole thing. 😟

Work is a boring waste of time. Most people don't enjoy it.

This is true. It really gets in the way of all the things I would rather be doing. But I need the money, so....

We'll you have to work to pay the bills. It's nice if you have a job you love but realistically most people just have a job to pay for life.
Look for another job, but not loving your job doesn't mean you're just not cut out for work.
And stop looking at your work emails when you're off, just turn off notifications.

Of course - I'm not naive enough to believe I could just leave at the drop of a hat and not work. I need to work to live!! Not working is not an option.

But for some reason when I'm in this funny like daydreaming state I feel this huge sense of empowerment knowing I am in control of my future, and that if I wanted to, I could just walk out there and then. I would and could NEVER do it!!!! But I find myself thinking about it often!

I've now removed my emails from my phone. I wasn't physically going into the app to check emails or anything like that. They frustratingly come up on my Home Screen as a notification.

I won't be making any rash decisions before my wedding. It's too close now (under 50 days!!!!) and I don't want more upheaval. But just feeling very wobbly.

Good to hear you have removed the app, it is worth understanding how to manage the notification settings on your phone so you can take control of your own time - not allow others to do so due to incorrectly set up app

It does sound like a reasonably toxic environment, dreading work isn't a feeling you need to deal with on a daily basis.

It does sound like your colleague is overstepping the mark and I would have a chat with management about that in particular.

You don't mention any aspect of the job being something you are passionate about - if the subject matter isn't something you care for, and the other employees have some bad eggs, ultimately its probably not worth planning to be there for the long term.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. You have made a good start with removing your email app to stop notifications popping up out of working hours.

Just focus on your wedding for now and build in as many stress busting / fun activities as you can to help your mental health. The ‘stress bucket’ idea is really simple and effective - google it.

Does your workplace have an employee assistance programme by any chance? Some services offer free life coaching can be so useful.

if you can build up a good plan to put boundaries in place and balance out your stress levels then you can begin to look for a new role after your wedding.

it sounds like there is a bit of a toxic culture in your current role. Not all work places are like that and you deserve to be happy. Take advantage of the current employment market and find somewhere that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. X

I did love the job to begin with. It's in a marketing setting, I was really lucky to get offered the role as I had absolutely no experience in the sector whatsoever. I've been there 1.5years now and don't mind the job itself, but I can't stand how I'm dictated over by somebody that's the exact same professional level as me, and who shouldn't actually be looking over my workload whatsoever.
She worked for the company 4/5 years ago for 5 months where her job role was mine currently.. but left and re-joined 5 months ago so she's 'new' again. But obviously has some experience in the past.

She often tells me what to do. Will email me huge lists of things I've 'done wrong' yet my manager has never had an issue with my work, how I do things etc etc.

The company has also moved 40 mins away from home now so with travel included I'm doing very long days. Not getting paid for the fuel costs or travel of course (didn't ever expect to!!!) but it all adds up.

I just don't feel happy. I wish I could be more authoritative and assertive but it's just not me.

Well this is not a hard one op. This is about the coworker. Can you request a chat with your manager about it?

1. Consider going to see GP about anxiety.
2. Take PPs advice about career counselling and assertiveness training.
3. Think about going to university or other professional training.
4. Work does not have to be in an office. Think about the sort of environment you might prefer and how you might move into that sort of role.
5. Work is work. That is, for most people, it’s not what we choose to do for fun. You should not be putting up with a colleague like the one you have now, but also, it’s unrealistic to expect to find work you actively enjoy, imo.

How about pursuing some further and then higher education opportunities to open more doors? You’re still very young. Seeing a coach/advisor might help you see what’s out there for you.

I just don't want it to become obvious / to upset the dynamic as I get on really well with my manager. We are only a team of 4 now, including my manager and co-worker..