To be annoyed with teacher giving my child food gifts that they can't eat

[mrsfoof]

DC has a gluten intolerance. To clarify, it's 'just' an intolerance not coeliac disease, but if they eat even a little bit of it, they get bad stomach cramps and diarrhoea. DC is 10 and the school are aware of their dietary requirements and are great at providing GF school meals and always remember to provide GF ingredients when the DC does cooking in class etc.
Anyway, at Easter, all children were given an Easter egg by the teacher. All the class had the same type of egg but it contained gluten so DC couldn't eat theirs.
The same happened today - DCs were given various toys and sweets in a goody bag as an end of term gift, some of which contained gluten.
Now the gluten sweets aren't especially obviously 'gluten-y' (Smarties, Mars bars etc) so I expect it never crossed the teacher's mind to link them with the fact that they contain gluten. However, I'm a bit cross that the school are handing out foods with allergens in them to kids that can't eat them. DC knows that they are ones that they can't eat and was very gracious in just saying thank you to the teacher and giving them to their siblings to eat instead. They were a bit disappointed of course but it's not a big deal to them.
On the other hand wonder if I should mention it - what if DC was younger and ate them without checking? Should they have more robust procedures to ensure that allergens aren't given to kids who shouldn't be eating them?
And yes, I'm aware that it's highly likely that the teacher bought these with their own money and it would seem very ungrateful to 'complain'. Any letter I send would be about awareness, not complaining as such.
Or should I just keep quiet?

@Sometimeswinning so... you feel gutted about the reaction of parents but will continue to do it anyway? And you've acknowledged that you know there are other parents that think like me? But you still think 'oh, nevermind, they'll be gone next year so I can go ahead and do the same thing to the next cohort'.

That's actually really disheartening. There are literally millions of families struggling with poor gut health. Parents like me with kids that have dysregulated gut microbiota who are fighting a battle to give their children a good start in life and they are losing that battle in no small part due to the huge prevalence of sugary crap that is thrown at them as soon as they leave the house. Especially in schools. So, no, I don't 'appreciate TAs like you'.

The arrogance of teaching staff who think they always know best when in many cases they clearly don't is why the profession is losing respect among the general UK population. Maybe show a little humility?

@Lilgamesh2

The difference is I read your post and said that I would appreciate parents telling me and popping it on my radar.

Thanks for calling teaching staff arragant. We're not. Talk to your children's teachers. Stop being so angry.

I most probably would dislike you in real life. But I would make sure your child was included (as I posted in my original reply)

It's not really a good deed though is it? the teacher is effectively just bribing the kids to like her.

A bit late in the year for that.

@Sometimeswinning that was a rather condescending message. I'm not angry. I just don't agree with you plying children with unhealthy food. I was actually feeling pretty good as another teacher on this thread said they would stop giving treats to kids after reading my posts.

You've said you'd appreciate being reminded about gluten intolerances and the like so you can avoid them, but you have also indicated that you are proud of your habit of giving sugary treats to the children knowing full well that I'm "not alone in my outlook" that they harm children because, in your own words, "if I'm entitled for giving gifts without parents consent then I'm good with that". You shouldn't be good with that. Not when you know the gifts are bad for the children.

You say that in real life you probably wouldn't like mothers like me. I disagree. In real life most parents won't complain about the abundance of chocolate even if they think it privately. They don't want to be that parent. You know, the one that's accused of being pompous, no fun at parties and entitled They know that staff like you would take it personally and decide they don't like us, which is how you've just confirmed you'd feel. Most parents don't want their kids to be taught by a teacher that has a grudge against them. Just something to think about when you pat yourself on your back for handing out chocolate to children.

I have always been happy if my children got sweets or chocolate from their teachers. Like 99% of parents.

Anyway, this thread is about the OP being unhappy about her child not getting chocolate. If you want to wang on about the evils of sugar, perhaps you should start a new thread.

@Lilgamesh2

a) You are angry
b) Teacher was being fasicious in response
c) I've literally said I'd accommodate any of my children (I will, I prefer them to parents)
d) Parents don't know I dislike them. I'm good at hiding it.
e)Its not a habit. Happens twice a year.

It would be nice if the teacher took this into consideration.

I get that teachers are busy and it's the thought that counts - That doesn't mean it isn't a bit miserable for the DC who cannot eat it.

Just because the teacher did a kind thing doesn’t negate the fact that a child could have unknowingly eaten a food they are intolerant/allergic to because more care wasn’t taken in choosing the sweets. OP wasn’t being ungrateful or unreasonable with their concerns, and I’m sure the teacher would appreciate being made aware of the issue so that they wouldn’t have to waste their “hard earned cash” on inedible sweets in future.

I'm a teacher and I think giving your allergic child sweets containing gluten is appalling. Definitely email the head something along the lines of "I appreciate the sentiment, but could staff remember to be mindful of allergies when choosing gifts?" Of course it's a nice gesture to buy end of term gifts but not to check for allergies is completely unacceptable in a school.

Not sure anyone’s said this but are you certain it was the teacher? I give my class little non-food gifts at the end of each term but a few times a TA has turned up with some sweets at the last minute and started handing them out. (Not TA bashing! I love them. Just saying it’s not necessarily the teacher who did it.)
No point complaining now unless you have that teacher again but definitely offer some gluten-free snacks to the school next year. They’re also useful if another child brings in birthday treats and that sort of thing.

I have to say that I agree with much of what @Lilgamesh2 is saying. It’s been shown that ultra-processed foods (such as sweets and chocolates) are linked with over eating and obesity. There is no need for teachers to give junk food to children. 28% of reception aged children are overweight or obese. That rises to 40% of children leaving primary school. I can’t see a single justification in the face of that for schools offering children additional high sugar foods.

If children are being given food gifts it should be appropriate for their dietary needs, but with allergies and intolerances on the rise, and a growing public health crisis, surely a non food gift (if a teacher wants to give one) is the better option.

Wrong! My thread is totally not about my DC not getting chocolate. It's about them getting chocolate that would make them ill. I'd have been much happier for them to have no chocolate (as would my DC who understands very well that they often miss out due to there not being food that they can eat and is fine with that, but finds it awkward when they're given something that they can't eat but feels they just have to smile and say thanks anyway).

You've literally said in this thread that you're happy to buy sugary junk for children and that you won't get permission from parents - why would you, you dislike them anyway - knowing full well that some of the parents disagree with the practice. Let me remind you that this thread is actually about allergens. You've generously agreed not to feed the children allergens. Why be fine to poison them in one way but not the other? Many children get sick from sweets, exactly the same as they do with mild intolerances, but that's not an allergen because that's totally normal since they're bad for us.

Will you be getting permission in advance to buy junk for the children in future? Youve made it clear you don't usually and that you're fine with it. So when you now pretend you'll accommodate them what does that mean? It means that only after you've received a complaint, which is rare for the reasons I've stated, will you not ply the children with crap. At that point you'll play the victim like you have in this thread and whinge about how you're a special TA who is under appreciated. 

Anyway we aren't getting anywhere with this conversation. You're not going to change. Youre just going to keep posting self congratulatory posts about how great you think you are compared with those awful parents. It's a shame for your pupils, but you aren't alone. Schools do a lot of damage to our nations health due to their 'we know best' attitude.

@mrsfoof out of curiosity have you decided what you're going to do?

We got a little sidetracked by the sugar issue but the point I was originally trying to make is that you shouldn't feel bad or ungrateful for asking them not to give gifts, as some people suggested. You are the parent and know what is best for your child.

Yes, just ask that your child isn't given anything ever. That would make both of you happy and you can leave the rest of our children out of it thanks.

Exactly! ⬆️

At the end of Summer term, teachers are on their knees & GIFTS like this are ALWAYS paid for from their OWN MONEY. She's normally 'on it' re. GF substitutes but didn't realise your kid couldn't have Smarties. Give her a break! Don't complain about it - that's a really shitty move.

It's not really a good deed though is it? the teacher is effectively just bribing the kids to like her.

Ha ha! Seriously?
Handing out a gift at the end of the last day of term os bribery?!
Poor planning for bribery - surely that would be day 1 not the last day?!

Is every gift you give just a bribe to make your family, friends, colleagues, etc like you?

*Ha ha! Seriously?
Handing out a gift at the end of the last day of term os bribery?!
Poor planning for bribery - surely that would be day 1 not the last day?!

Is every gift you give just a bribe to make your family, friends, colleagues, etc like you?*

Hahahaha that's exactly what I was thinking! Would be the worst bribery ever 😂

I already answered this but will do again. Everyone likes giving kids sweets. You make them happy and in that moment get to feel good about yourself. But they are harmful to children. It's self indulgent to give kids things that are bad for them just so the teacher can feel good about themselves. There's also a finite amount of sugar that children can eat within safe guidelines so if the teacher takes it upon themself to use that quota then that prevents the families from having a treat together. many parents have to put extra restrictions on family treats to compensate for all the junk that their kids are plied with at school.

It's not the same for gifts that aren't bad for children.

I haven't read the whole thread. I don't need to.

You are NOT being unreasonable.

This was my daughter ALL THE WAY through primary school. ALLERGIC to cow's milk and peanut. I always gave each teacher lots of treats/snacks etc in case of birthday treats etc.

Some of highlight (lowlights) were:

• PTA decided to buy each child an Easter Egg (when my child was in Year 1). My daughter was given an old apple found in the teacher's desk.
• Every time there was DT (cooking) she was left out. I never knew before hand and would happily have supplied apt ingredients.
• When she was in Year 2, a boy was leaving, mid-term. As a treat, the kids were all given ice cream. Nothing for my daughter. I didn't know beforehand. The teacher complained that she had cried a lot that afternoon.
• In Year 6 the teacher bought Easter Eggs for all the children in the class. Claimed there were no more treats that I'd sent in (there were). I wouldn't have minded but this woman's young child has an egg allergy. She knows how it feels.

I would also stress that usually parents with allergic children DON'T expect everyone to change their lifestyles/shopping etc for their child. But it's not character-building to feel left out (allergy children know they're different!!!!!)

I think what you meant was "thank you teacher for the lovely gift ". And taken out the bits they cannot eat.

It was a nice thought

many parents have to put extra restrictions on family treats to compensate for all the junk that their kids are plied with at school.

Unless it's for medical reasons, Those parents have issues.

I also wonder how many parents actually do that. Most threads on here are from parents school won't let them give their kids squash,chocolate,biscuits,sweets etc.

Not to mention all the parents that send sweets in for their kids' birthday. Are those safe to assume that giving them a mini bag of haribos won't ruin the family's carefully planned diet for a week?

Schools do a lot of damage to our nations health due to their 'we know best' attitude.

Your children do spend alot of time in school, however, I don't think you can blame our nations health on them 😂That's a massive reach!!

It was a simple oversight. Certainly not worth getting up in arms over. Especially as it's not a life or death allergy, and also considering the teacher would have spent their own money on this.

It sounds like your DC did exactly the right thing. Behaved politely, gave the item to someone else, and isn't that fussed about it. I'd be praising and reinforcing THAT, and not kicking off at the source.

Your DC is getting to the age now of needing to manage this on their own - especially as they'll be off to secondary school soon, and it sounds like they'd got it nailed.