To be annoyed with teacher giving my child food gifts that they can't eat

[mrsfoof]

DC has a gluten intolerance. To clarify, it's 'just' an intolerance not coeliac disease, but if they eat even a little bit of it, they get bad stomach cramps and diarrhoea. DC is 10 and the school are aware of their dietary requirements and are great at providing GF school meals and always remember to provide GF ingredients when the DC does cooking in class etc.
Anyway, at Easter, all children were given an Easter egg by the teacher. All the class had the same type of egg but it contained gluten so DC couldn't eat theirs.
The same happened today - DCs were given various toys and sweets in a goody bag as an end of term gift, some of which contained gluten.
Now the gluten sweets aren't especially obviously 'gluten-y' (Smarties, Mars bars etc) so I expect it never crossed the teacher's mind to link them with the fact that they contain gluten. However, I'm a bit cross that the school are handing out foods with allergens in them to kids that can't eat them. DC knows that they are ones that they can't eat and was very gracious in just saying thank you to the teacher and giving them to their siblings to eat instead. They were a bit disappointed of course but it's not a big deal to them.
On the other hand wonder if I should mention it - what if DC was younger and ate them without checking? Should they have more robust procedures to ensure that allergens aren't given to kids who shouldn't be eating them?
And yes, I'm aware that it's highly likely that the teacher bought these with their own money and it would seem very ungrateful to 'complain'. Any letter I send would be about awareness, not complaining as such.
Or should I just keep quiet?

Presumably, as end-of-term gifts were given out, the teacher is now on summer holiday. There's no point speaking to the teacher! If they've any sense, they won't be checking their emails now it's holiday time. Hopefully the OP isn't going to wait until September and then go back to the teacher and tell her her child couldn't eat the gift given SIX WEEKS ago.

An email (and not anonymous, either. There's no reason not to put your name on it) to the school requesting them to consider the policy for food gifts is a good step forward that benefits any child in school with a need to avoid specific food. Speaking to the teacher does nothing to stop a potentially dangerous situation.

Your child has been given something he is intolerant to , he needs to accept that this will happen. We are all given gifts we can’t use/don’t like. It is about the gesture. My son is frequently given haribo sweets by teachers. He is intolerant to certain foods and he knows not to eat them. It is a nice gesture and he appreciates it. They end up in the bin or he gives them to friends (has done this since age 4). Your son is 10, not 2. It is much safer if he knows what he can and can’t eat. Nearly a third of people have allergies, I don’t know what the statistics are for intolerances is, but I would never trust people outside the immediate family to remember this stuff. Complaining to the school will not actually help your child, teaching him to deal with it appropriately will. @

It’s out of order imo. If she knew someone had an allergy they could potentially die from, would she hand that over? Or if a child didn’t eat pork for religious reasons, would she give them sweets with pork gelatine? She honestly shouldn’t be so thoughtless and I’d definitely mention it.

We are all given gifts we can’t use/don’t like. It is about the gesture

If it was a one off thing that you don't like it's one thing, bit if you're e.g. coeliac it can be every single consumable gift given out. I'm so glad I was only diagnosed as an adult as it's so easy to be excluded from so much and I think I would have struggled with it as a child.

YANBU and I work in a school. We had a gluten free pupil a few years ago, I just bought her separate stuff after googling "gluten free x" or asking mum. Just like I do for other kids with allergies, various dietary requirements,medical issues etc. Normally I do my research and see if there's something suitable for everyone at the beginning of the year as it's a lot easier to buy in bulk.

If a parent made a comment(not a complaint), I'd just apologise and probably remember it for ever and avoid it. It wouldn't make me not buy anything ever again... I'm not that petty.

I would drop an email to the teacher , in a "just to let you know" kinda way. I'd also inform next year's teacher about things that we think are gluten free but aren't, and if possible I'd hand in a box of safe treats in case of party days, breakfasts , celebrations etc where food is available. It does make our lives easier if we know there's a plan B in case we forget/fuck up.

If the teacher is mindful about croissants, I'd guess they want to know about sweets.

My cousin is music teacher, many children bring her some small gift before Christmas, so she has something small for them as well. Lactose/Gluten free isn't a big deal once she knows. Actually, fruit would be a first choice, but unfortunately many children don't see it as a treat.

I thinknit would be reasonable to expect primary aged teachers to check for food intolerance records but by secondary I would expect the child to be able to identify if they can have something.

I completely understand that your dc would have been disappointed but why didn't you just say oh that's nice of her let's go to the shop and chose a treat that you can eat?

We are all given gifts we can’t use/don’t like. It is about the gesture.

Why thought? Wouldn't it be nice if a child with allergies would be able to actually enjoy a gift, when all which is needed is one polite ask?

Staff are always informed of any allergies or health issues during transition. Over the years I’ve had plenty of children not allowed gluten, egg allergies etc The school changed the Easter parade of decorating boiled eggs for the whole school to ensure the safety of that child. I’ve had a child with a milk allergy before. I would buy her special treats and got a fill your own advent calendars so I could make sure on her day she got something suitable. I also double checked these all with mum as I was so paranoid. Playing devils advocate it does sound like the school know (French day) but also are aware your child is old enough to know what they can/can’t eat. Maybe they felt supplying a different egg would have made them different to others so wanted everyone to get the same. It really depends on how strongly you feel regarding this what you do.

We are all given gifts we can’t use/don’t like. It is about the gesture.

The gesture is pretty meaningless then, unless it's from someone that only vaguely knows you.

In my school we have a box of snacks for children with allergies, theres a range of vegan/gluten free/dairy free, everything. There is something in there for absolutely every dietary requirement.

If a child brings in birthday treats or cake, or teachers do class gifts or whatever, then there is always something to replace it for the kids with allergies or specific diets. Last time I looked there were things like dairy free chocolate bars, dairy free individually wrapped cakes, gluten free Jaffa cakes, sweets without gelatine, there's all sorts. It just means that kids aren't left out through no fault of their own.

Some might think it's a bit off to pull the teacher over a gift they bought with their own money, but in their position as a teacher it's not on to give a child something that could make them sick or worse, or not align with their/their families diet. Kitchen staff would be in serious trouble for doing that.

Some children might know and not eat it, some might scoff it down assuming an adult would only give them safe food, and some might be really upset that they have their treat taken away.

It just takes a little bit of thought and planning ahead. Or buy everyone a bouncy ball or mini book or something that doesn't have to be eaten.

I don't think there is any point making this teacher feel bad. As other people have done in the thread give in a bag of gluten free treats to keep for these occasions, that seems like really helpful, kind solution to problem. The school might just say no teachers to buy kids gifts as have had parental complaints. I think you should be concerned about your own child nothing bad happened to them, not say you are complaining under the guise she is going to poison the younger class she has next. 🙈 Maybe those parents will hand in suitable treats or make their children aware of treats they can't have.

I think you are getting a lot of unnecessary stick on here with people missing the point completely. It's not like you are demanding a special option for your child, just for ingredients to be checked in anything they are giving them. I assume they didn't know there was gluten in some chocolate so I do think it's worth mentioning especially because it's easily resolved as so many 'normal' chocolates are fine e.g. dairy milk, galaxy etc

@Macaroni1924 Possibly you're right about wanting them all to be the same. But actually with gluten, there's no need for a special expensive 'free from' chocolate for the GF child. At Easter, quite a few of the 99p smaller eggs would be fine and could have been bought for the whole class instead of the Smarties eggs, e.g Cadbury Buttons, Mini Eggs, Creme Eggs, Milkybar, Dairy Milk Kitkat Bunny etc. small eggs are all GF.

Also I am fairly recently diagnosed coeliac and also work with kids and I'd be so sad if I kept giving gluten intolerant kids gluten containing chocolate and no one told me until years later or until I made a child unwell. I'd be so grateful if you told me nicely

This really isn't on. Coeliac isn't an intolerance, it's an allergy, and every time gluten is eaten, the gut is further sensitised making serious reactions more likely down the line.

Would it be ok if they were handing out Snickers bars to kids with peanut allergies, or cakes to children with and egg allergy? No of course not. It would be a serous safeguarding fail. Definitely needs to be brought up with the school.

As it happens you were able to remove the treat before it was eaten, but what if your child had gone to someone else's house straight from school?

The OP's child doesn't have coeliac disease.

It's a bit much to insist that the free treat bought from the teachers own pocket is to your specification. Would you prefer they just leave him out completely?

Yes!!!
As a mother of a child who gets anaphylaxis if he eats nuts or eggs, I would certainly prefer that he be left out than face the alternative.

And it's not 'a bit much to insist'. Schools have a duty of care. I know the teacher was just trying to be nice, but it's simply not good enough to assume that chocolate etc is gluten free if you are caring for a child with food allergies or intolerances. You need to check, you need to be sure.

My son has coeliac, he's 7 and knows he can't eat smarties or Mars bars, so he would probably say thank you and then give them to his brother and move on with his life.
He knows to ask if something is gluten free and not to eat it if there's any doubt and wait until I can check the label.
I don't think teachers should have that responsibility, they can easily get it wrong. Someone up thread said normal chocolates are fine e.g dairy milk, but dairy milk has a 'may contain wheat' warning so its not suitable for coeliacs. To be honest chocolate is a minefield and I'd always prefer to check it myself than a well meaning teacher tell my son it's gluten free when it's not.
Kitchen staff should be trained in these things if course, but I think teachers have enough to do and I wouldn't be contacting the school about a gift.

The appropriate response to someone buying your kid a gift is "thank you." That's it.

So do you really think I should say thank you when a teacher - who knows of his allergies - gives my peanut allergic DS a bag of peanuts to eat?
Really?

I think lots of people on here are in the fortunate position of never having to worry that their child may become very ill or even die if they eat the wrong thing. When you're living with that every day, you just sometimes do have to be THAT parent, you do have to be assertive (or what luckier people might see as rude) because the situation is so serious.

I know the teacher simply made a mistake. She's probably run off her feet and was trying to be nice. But the OP is quite correct in thinking that it was not appropriate for her to hand out sweets that would make her child ill.
It's actually very far from okay.
You need to tell her so she gets a chance to avoid making the the same mistake again, OP.

The op states it isn't coeliac or allergy, and is an intolerance.

Allergies, especially anaphylaxis, and diagnosed medical conditioned are flagged at a much high level in my experience than a medical issue the parents have stated it as intolerance. So far far less likely to occur with the former.

I have celiacs disease - I knew about the smarties but not marsbars! Just googled it and saw the barley salt. Must be an ingredient they added since I last looked at the ingredients. also googled smarties and the some are gluten free just not the nestle ones.
it would have been nice for the teacher to do something special but not compulsory - at 10 your daughter can read and knows to check so you could have a system she swaps food with you. Besides it’s end of year isn’t it - will she have the same teacher next year? I think you might just be feeling miffed the teacher has not thought to check the sweets and assumed sweets are ok for her.

Err no. Not if its a gift that would harm you.

Ds has allergies he has a treat box that I supplied and he gets one of his treats when class get a chocolate. I would be annoyed that they are giving your child foods they are allergic to, what if they ate it and because ill?

She probably forgot the end of term is insane. If you have a food intolerance life is a bit like this. Keep some alternatives close and swap them.
She was trying to do a nice thing.