Would this letter from the school get your back up?

[GoodnightJude1]

I just wanted some views on a certain part of the newsletter I received from my DC secondary school yesterday. Over the last 4 years I’ve found it to be a wonderful school so I have no other issues at all….but this just doesn’t sit right.

So as not to drip feed, I have 2 DD who have both over the years suffered with the most horrendous periods. My eldest was put on the contraceptive pill at 12 and then had the implant (no help) they’ve both had tablets prescribed to try and ease the flow…again no help. My eldest has had years of tests, and scans etc to try to help, as of yet nothing has. It would my DD2 is heading down the same path. DD2 will wake having flooded her pad, underwear, pyjamas and a good bit of the bed. She’s sometimes unable to stand and can often be sick with pain, it’s not just a few cramps, it’s really awful for her.

I feel the school have just decided that the ‘time of the month’ 🙄 isn’t a good enough reason to be off school….regardless of the pain it can cause. I’m annoyed that in this day and age it’s still seen by some people as a silly excuse to get out of things.

I think it’s just going to make parents have to lie about why their child is off school….‘she’s got period pain but I’ll have to say it’s diarrhoea or it’ll be a unauthorised absence’

Am I right to be a bit pissed off or am I overly sensitive because my DD both suffer so much?

That sounds v difficult for your DDs.

The way I would read that is for an ‘average’ pupil ie. ones not struggling like your DC are given they are/have been under continuing medical examination. That’s like saying ‘come to school with a minor headache’ but they don’t know who is a diagnosed migraine sufferer (for example) and therefore may be exempt from generalised policies.

It sounds like they’re referring (not very clearly) to period poverty, girls missing school due to not having sanitary products available, as opposed to actually being ill with periods. If their attitude is girls shouldn’t be off school with period pain, then yes they can fuck off!

Well, there's 'time of the month' and then there's six day bloodbaths, in the most excruciating pain. The latter is called 'dysmenorrhea'. So I would interpret this letter as saying that simply having your period is not a good reason to miss school. Dysmenorrhea, on the other hand, is a medical condition and not a silly excuse at all.

I don't blame you for being pissed off, that letter seems far too general. I hope your DDs are able to find a solution soon, my periods were horrendous at that age too.

BTW I’d start using medical terms like menorrhagia and suspected endometriosis etc. as period pain isn’t describing what your girls are going through. Hope they get some answers/relief.

Although, I’ve just noticed their sentence that soundEd to me to be about period poverty, is titled ‘menstrual cramps’. If they really do mean girls shouldn’t miss school with cramps of other symptoms then that is very wrong.

My daughter suffered with horrendous flooding, cramps, fainting and vomiting. It got to the stage where her secondary school would not allow her to go to the toilets unaccompanied after they had to send a 6th former in the toilets to climb over the toilet door to rescue her after she had passed out yet again.

Her school were great. I would not be happy with that letter. It would be different if they had stated mild or usual cramps to differentiate.

I agree with PPs -- this letter just doesn't apply to your daughters' situation. They obviously have a medical problem that's way beyond 'normal' periods. I hope the school will be capable of recognising this too...

Yes I’m guessing it was more generalised and I’m hoping that each situation would be looked at separately. I’d just hate for my DDs to feel they can’t be honest about it because it’s often not taken seriously!

I would find the letter annoying anyway. WHy do they need to call it ""time of the month"". Call it menstruating, or period. Those are not bad words. They can be printed in new letters. IT's also crap to say as a blanket policy that they can't miss school for it - some people are unwell with cramps, even if not as bad as your daughter. That is not for the school to make a blanket rule on.

I wouldn't think this applies to you daughter's situation either.

I agree with those up thread that they are not referring to cases like your children.
Could you get a rolling letter from your GP stating that both girls suffer from dysmenorrhea and this may lead to intermittenent absences from school? In the same way someone suffering from migranes may have one of these types of letters

I think that letter sounds very generic - in which case it's perfectly reasonable. Missing school because of a 'normal' period is unreasonable.
But that's not the case with your daughter. It's serious bleeding and pain.

I would make sure when logging the absence you use terminology like menorrhagia and chronic pain. Don't use the term period pain as that can infer that a couple of paracetamol could cure it.

If necessary set up a meeting with the attendance officer/head of year to discuss. Get a Drs letter if possible to explain the symptoms properly, that tests are going on and still looking for diagnosis.

They are a school concerned with maintaining attendance. They'll want to help improve attendance and then understanding the cause of absences is key to that. They won't know if you don't discuss it with the right person at the school.

As a teacher, I’ve noticed more and more absences due to period pain which have a negative effect on learning so I think it needs addressing BUT I completely agree that your situation is very different

Doubt they’re referring to girls who genuinely struggle with heavy periods. When I was at school it was used as an excuse to skive school or in particular skip PE by many, many girls. Not because they all had crazily heavy/painful periods, I don’t believe that was the case at all! They just wanted to get out of school work or sports.

YABU. Only because we can't give time off everything (work/school) for conditions that are for a great majority a mild inconvenience.
I say that as someone who has fainted in period pain too. By the way, contraceptive implants and the mini-pill don't help with minimising the flow/ cramps. It's the combined pill that does. That's assuming there's no other underlying conditions.

My son had a severe eczema . He was in a torturous state every single day. Unexplained weight loss, anemia, infections... However, I don't think eczema should be on a list of things that automatically excuses not turning up for school.

I spoke to the school when things were particularly bad, and the time off was given. I'm sure it will be the same in your daughter's case.

I would imagine a chat with your daughters' guidance teacher(s) would easily resolve this situation and that the school would be glad you talked to them about it so that they can support your daughters.

What do you suggest? If girls are too ill to attend school, they’re too ill.

If it’s as simple as making sure they have sanitary products, great, it’s heartbreaking that girls miss education simply because of not having them. But many girls suffer with very painful, heavy periods so there’s nothing to address. GPs are often not interested and tell girls it’s normal or it’ll settle down. It’s very hard to get referred on the NHS and many girls don’t want to take the pill from an early age. A day or two off is needed sometimes and schools need to accommodate it.

The letter wouldn't annoy me - I don't think it refers the girls with a medical condition like yours.

Contact the school to clarify your DDs condition, and offer to confirm with a Dr's letter if necessary.

This is absolutely appalling! You should definitely complain and send your daughters in with medical notes explaining the severity of their situation and symptoms. If this was a situation faced by boys/men you know it wouldn’t be dismissed as irrelevant…

I would speak to your GP and ask for a diagnosis of what your girls have. I am sure they can come up with something better than mestural cramps... its sounding like (mild?) endo or anemia related to menstrual bleeding or something they can identify for such purposes... you won't be the only one asking.

I think their point is if it's so bad she misses school every month she needs treatment for it and a better way of dealing with it (painkillers, the pill, better period products). Children with other ongoing conditions also have to have a plan in place to cope as best as possible in school (unless absences are unavoidable and random).

By the way, contraceptive implants and the mini-pill don't help with minimising the flow/ cramps. It's the combined pill that does. That's assuming there's no other underlying conditions.

Thats not strictly true. Implants can absolutely minimise flow or stop it all together.

I had this problem throughout school. It was made worse by doctors who didn't care and teachers who thought periods were regular, easy and light for everyone

No need to be appalled and complain, just have a calm chat with the school surely!

I really fucking hate how any problems exclusively female are minimised and dismissed. And that that deliberate ignorant stance adopted by the school will lead to your daughters essentially being punished for something related to their health that is totally out of their control.

Posters suggesting painkillers, pill, different sanpro etc, do you really think parents and the girls themselves haven’t thought of that? Sometimes they're not suitable, sometimes they don’t work.

The vast majority of girls can attend school while having a period. This is the audience for the newsletter. It isn't addressed at you or your dd specifically so why would you complain?? Your dd has specific severe problems.