Would this letter from the school get your back up?

[GoodnightJude1]

I just wanted some views on a certain part of the newsletter I received from my DC secondary school yesterday. Over the last 4 years I’ve found it to be a wonderful school so I have no other issues at all….but this just doesn’t sit right.

So as not to drip feed, I have 2 DD who have both over the years suffered with the most horrendous periods. My eldest was put on the contraceptive pill at 12 and then had the implant (no help) they’ve both had tablets prescribed to try and ease the flow…again no help. My eldest has had years of tests, and scans etc to try to help, as of yet nothing has. It would my DD2 is heading down the same path. DD2 will wake having flooded her pad, underwear, pyjamas and a good bit of the bed. She’s sometimes unable to stand and can often be sick with pain, it’s not just a few cramps, it’s really awful for her.

I feel the school have just decided that the ‘time of the month’ 🙄 isn’t a good enough reason to be off school….regardless of the pain it can cause. I’m annoyed that in this day and age it’s still seen by some people as a silly excuse to get out of things.

I think it’s just going to make parents have to lie about why their child is off school….‘she’s got period pain but I’ll have to say it’s diarrhoea or it’ll be a unauthorised absence’

Am I right to be a bit pissed off or am I overly sensitive because my DD both suffer so much?

^This
I would presume they were not referring to your child, so no.

I feel for your daughters this is how my periods were and it’s horrible. When I was able to make school lots of skirt checking and paranoia about leaking though. One day I leaked right through and left, called my dad from the car park. He told the school and I got into so much trouble from them for leaving. I was mortified and it made me even more paranoid about going to school with it. I would call them and discuss your concerns, possibly a note from the doctor on their file so it isn’t an unauthorised absence. I was off every month for a few days as I would pass out from the pain. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Clearly she has been "seeking medical advise" that's spoken like a person who's never suffered with their Period tbh, women and girls with period issues usually spend years "seeking medical advise" normally with very little relief or satisfactory resolutions

A secondary school who can’t just call a period a period. Why does it need ‘time of the month’ it’s a period! I think there attitude towards this sucks.

YANBU to find the wording of the letter a bit twee and irritating.

YABU to feel it's targeted at you, it's a generic attendance letter. The "coughs and colds" section, for example, isn't aimed at children who have a nasty case of covid, and the "sore throat" bit isn't aimed at those who suffer recurrent tonsillitis. This is aimed at those struggling with period poverty, or at those who just fancy a day or two off every month and use cramps as an excuse. What your daughters are suffering with is far beyond that, and it might be wise to get a doctor's note for their files. I hope you get the medical help they need.

Just wanted to say I’m sorry for your daughters OP, I was the same and it was really hard.

Bizarrely, pregnancy ‘cured’ my periods, since having my first baby they are light and last 2-3 days and have minimal period pain.

Not suggesting that as a solution obviously 😂

And I was the opposite mine got way worse after my 2nd pregnancy!

I'd be curious to know what the bit you've intentionally not shown at the bottom says... I'd wager it goes on to say something else about how if you're actually unwell with periods then it is ok to miss school. What you've shown is simply saying that periods aren't a reason to miss school - which is true. Painful periods which inhibit your ability to function are though.

The letter is very old fashioned in its view of period cramps. Start women early in telling them that their pain means nothing and they should carry on through it. Bet it was written by a man or a twat Aunt Lydia who has painless periods herself. If I was you I would write a letter and tell them they are being discriminatory.

I think unfortunately your girls suffer more than most, poor little things. I'm sure if you write to the school and explain this, they will understand. They are probably referring to children who use all kinds of excuses to get off school.

I’ve not voted as I can see why you’d feel a bit off about it but it is simply stating what they should have time off as you’ll not believe the amount of calls and emails the schools have had the past couple of years asking if they should I’d shouldn’t send their child in for normal things.

We are going in to September in what is hopefully a completely normal year and so they’re just clarifying the rules.
I’m sure you’ll get ones about uniform and equipment etc too.

As PPs have said this doesn’t affect students like your DD.
The same with the cold - if they’ve got a high temp, can barely stand up and are feeling absolutely rotten, then don’t send them in. Whereas a regular cold is fine.

There is a massive amount of period poverty. There is a girl in my form whose parent refuses to buy her sanitary products so she stays off school unless we keep her topped up. There are several other agencies working with the family too this issue is the tip of the iceberg but she is far from alone. But the letter is aimed at these parents to appropriately provide their children with what they need along with those parents who keep their child off for the lightest twinge.

I think if your periods are impacting on your attendance at school, just as with adults at work, you need to get to the GP and get something in writing so that the school can make ‘reasonable adjustments’. It’s not acceptable to just have random days off with period pain every month. How can schools determine who is ge yo Ely so unwell they can’t attend and who is trying it on or has lazy or neglectful parents? I say that as someone who has always had horrendous periods and really struggled, so not being callous or sexist.

Attendance policies can be a bit nuts at schools (I work in education!), as schools are wrongly or rightly judged heavily on their attendance issues. It’s got worse since we came out of lockdown, as some parents are absolutely taking the piss with the covid thing. Every sniffle is ‘I’m keeping him off as he has covid symptoms’. Children have missed out on so much education already and had such a knock to their resilience. Getting kids attending regularly and building their resilience again is hugely important.

Sorry, that should’ve said How can schools determine who is genuinely so unwell they can’t attend

This letter really isn't targeting girls with dysmenorrhea.

Its targeting:

• period poverty as a reason to miss school
• possibly the fact that some cultures would keep a girl home from school purely because she is menstruating
• girls who don't have exceptionally heavy, uncomfortable or painful periods but nonetheless give it as a reason to avoid school (pe especially!).

I doubt school want your girls in with such heavy bleeding etc. I'd show that letter to the GP though, point out that school attendance is being affected by their periods and that the doctors need to offer more help. Has the eldest been checked for endometriosis etc?

They can’t but parents should be able to and this guidance is to parents.

I'd hazard a guess at that being written by a non-female member of SLT. One who has very limited involvement with women and girls.

And will obviously have absolutely nothing to do with looking after an 11 years old crying and puffing like she's in transition because she's in the process of shedding a decidual cast.

Having said that, yes there are girls who develop awful cramps only when they haven't done their homework or they find out a test is scheduled for the next lesson. But the majority just plod around school feeling a bit rubbish like the staff. It's easy to tell who is feeling really bad, as they have The Look. And nobody should have to miss school because they don't have pads or clean clothes (we also supply clothes a couple of times a month for those who start at school or leak - no way should they be in soiled clothing all day, and it does help keep them in school).

Which leaves those who have dysfunctional menstrual bleeding and may very well go on to have a formal diagnosis (endometriosis, hormonal issues, anaemia - which causes more blood loss, which causes anaemia, which causes...) and require treatment.

However, I would be very likely to avoid the potential unauthorised absences and put it down as D&V. By the time the term's registers are on screen, you can see it's a monthly thing, but they can't prove the kid isn't vomiting and diarrhoea is something that happens with menstruation.

presumably you have spoken to the appropriate people in school to explain the situation and what is being done to tackle it and then discuss how you can all work together to minimise impact on education?

Ds has a medical condition which means he isn’t allowed to attend school if he has a cold because of the potential for serious implications. But I wouldn’t be offended by the section on colds because I know it’s generic and that school know the full situation

I’ve put YABU, because the school don’t want girls to stay at home due to an ordinary period, or due to forgetting pads/tampons. I think they’re targeting those who feel an ordinary period is an excuse to not join in with school.

What your DD is going through is a lot more than an ordinary period though, my sister was the same, and had no choice but to miss school. I hope you find something that works for her, it’s just awful.

Well, there's 'time of the month' and then there's six day bloodbaths, in the most excruciating pain

Indeed this. Sadly many women deny the latter exists (including on MN) because they have nice light three day periods that come as regular as clockwork every month on the same day (and often at the same time). Even on this thread I see it being minimised "well most girls are fine". Yes and a significant minority are not and we are talking about them.

I don't have a dd, but if any school tried to tell me that a dd suffering with the six (ten) day bloodbaths was well enough to attend school when I thought they weren't, there would be words. Same with restricting access to toilets.

I am quite glad I have a ds. I have had to turn on the bolshiness on occasion for him, but my goodness I think teenage girls are treated badly by their schools at times!

I wouldn't have a problem with this letter. It doesn't say you can't miss school for severe stomach cramps or similar, it says that simply having your period is not enough of a reason on its own to miss school. Depending on the background of the pupils this might be an important message. In some cultures there is a real taboo around simply having a period and girls end up missing 1/4 of their schooling. There are also girls who want to miss school simply for the embarrassment and anxiety of managing their periods in school. Most adult jobs won't allow employees to miss work for several days each month, so girls need to learn how to manage this. I am a teacher and earlier this year I had a delicate conversation with a 16 year old girl from overseas who was asking to be excused from sport on a monthly basis because in her culture you don't play sport on your period (it was badminton, in dark baggy shorts/jogging bottoms, not something like swimming or gym).

If you have abnormally bad bleeding or stomach pain then that is a medical condition and a reason to miss school, and there is nothing in the school letter that suggests they would have a problem with that.

I'd hazard a guess at that being written by a non-female member of SLT. One who has very limited involvement with women and girls

Ha ha. Much more likely to be a woman who has light, easy periods. As I said above, many women love to minimise the fact that other women suffer with their periods (see also menopause and childbirth/pregnancy).

WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME.

I agree with you - the fact that the heading is titled 'menstrual cramps' suggests that it isn't just referring to period poverty, but to actual pain.

They clearly have no idea how bad it can get, or how embarrassing it is for teenagers. Even putting the word 'normally' in there would help, to suggest that if things are abnormally painful then it is OK to stay off - I personally would have been really worried, knowing I was in too much pain and could vomit, but that I might get unauthorised for staying off. I wouldn't have wanted to explain to anyone, or really for anyone at school to know the details.

They could have put examples at the end, like they did with the other illnesses - mild coughs and colds are fine, but stay home if you have a fever.

"Girls should not normally stay off school just because they have a period, or are experiencing mild menstrual pain; sanitary supplies are available at school for those who need them, and painkillers can be obtained from the office, or girls may carry up to two doses with them. If the condition is more severe, then girls may need to stay home at these times, and medical advice should be sought to help with ongoing problems". (or something along those lines)

Ha ha. Much more likely to be a woman who has light, easy periods. As I said above, many women love to minimise the fact that other women suffer with their periods (see also menopause and childbirth/pregnancy).

This has been my experience too unfortunately. I’ve had much better experience with male health professionals when dealing with a particular gynaecological matter than female ones who were quite dismissive.

I’m currently suffering with quite severe all day pregnancy nausea and sickness and have had to take time off work for it. I’ve let my immediate colleagues know why I’m off and one of them who has been pregnant before kept trying to tell me how she did x y and z in order to work through it, it definitely felt like a way of minimising what I’m going through. She didn’t seem to understand that for some people it’s not the occasional moment of nausea once or twice a day that can be suppressed by eating a ginger biscuit…