Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to just stay in once or twice a week?

102 replies

Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 09:47

In laws staying with us for two weeks (we live abroad)
Both wake up early-think 6-6.30 am, my Dd usually wakes around 8 as she goes to bed later in summer.
F.I.L wakes early and makes noise, we’re all awake early now, he wants to go out as early as possible and basically arranges things so the day suits him.
We’re a week in and feeling shattered today, I’m a Sahm currently and generally take Dd out a few times during the week and at the weekend, but we have two-three days at home-going crafts, in the garden/paddling pool, baking or just relaxing a bit more.
They’ve gone out early for each walk but have asked me to pick them up as it will be too hot later for them to walk back. I’m glad to have the morning in peace ( need fo hoover & clean etc though 😩)
Aibu to not find it weird to want to stay in a couple of days a week and wonder if they’re taking the piss a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 09:48

*Doing crafts
*For their walk

OP posts:
maddy68 · 21/07/2022 09:51

They are on holiday

I also live abroad and I find it tiring when we have guests staying.

Suggest they have a date night one night just the two of them , while you guys stay in.

But otherwise yes. You are also on holiday when visitors arrive kinda have to suck it up

Notimeforaname · 21/07/2022 09:51

YANBU . Tell them no, when they ask for a lift.

Either say you have stuff to do or just tell the truth. The evening before say 'I'm going to stay home tomorrow,enjoy your walk"

Notimeforaname · 21/07/2022 09:52

You're only going out every day because you're choosing to. You can say no.

Hugasauras · 21/07/2022 09:52

Well I guess from their perspective they are on holiday so it makes sense they would want to be out and about, that's kind of what you do on holiday, but you are just living your everyday life because you are not on holiday! So I think it's just a bit of a disconnect rather than outright unreasonableness on anyone's part.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 21/07/2022 09:54

You don’t leave the house at all 3 days a week? Not even for a walk or to nip to the shop? I can’t get my head around this. Do you have a big garden for your daughter to run around it? I have puppy dog like children who need lots of exercise so this is very alien to me.

Anyway back to the question, you need to discuss it with PIL so you all know where you stand.

DowntonCrabby · 21/07/2022 09:55

“We’re going to have a quiet day in tomorrow, would you like lasagne and salad for dinner?”

“Emily really needs to have a quiet day at home, how about the zoo on Monday?”

Notimeforaname · 21/07/2022 09:55

F.I.L wakes early and makes noise, we’re all awake early now, he wants to go out as early as possible and basically arranges things so the day suits him.

Tell him he keeps walking you up and to be a little more quiet or to go out later. Not an unreasonable request.

Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 10:02

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas Its alternate days, we have a good size garden, pool etc. On the other days we’re out most of the day and all weekend. It’s nice to be in the garden for a few hours, some activities inside. We may actually take the dog near us, but it’s a not a get up, get ready, drive anywhere type of day.

OP posts:
TitInATrance · 21/07/2022 10:05

How much of an issue is it to pick them up? How far can they walk - probably less than 10 miles? Could you or DH drop them somewhere after breakfast and get on with your day while they walk back?

Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 10:28

@Notimeforaname They walked there as cooler than later on when it will be too hot to walk back. Fil knows this, so it suits him well to have his nice early morning walk, go for a coffee etc then not have to walk back and have me pick him up

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 21/07/2022 10:32

It's only a few weeks does it matter. They will soon be gone home

CantaloupeMelon · 21/07/2022 10:32

I agree with the poster above - this is more about different expectations than anyone being unreasonable. Just say that you'd like to have a quiet day at home and it's up to them whether to join you or to go out just the two of them.

sallladfiingerss · 21/07/2022 10:38

I see it from both sides.

This is normal life for you and it's exhausting having people stay over for long periods of time.

But they see this as a holiday, and spending time with their family so they will want to do as much as possible and go out.

There just needs to be some compromise, they need to give you some space some times but you also need to be prepared to do a bit more than you usually would to make the most of their visit.

Will they take your daughter out on their own and spend some time with her 1:1?

Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 10:51

@sallladfiingerss They don’t take her out and have never babysat

OP posts:
Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 10:53

@CantaloupeMelon That’s fine but then they want to be picked up, so I’m not really having a quiet day at home. They invariably want to go to the shops on the way back and pick up things they want etc
Right now I’m in between cleaning everywhere and then have to get ready, do and pick them up, shops on the way back and then home to make dinner for everyone and then put Dd to bed

OP posts:
Brefugee · 21/07/2022 10:54

In Laws?
Palm them off on your partner and do what you like?
Tell FIL to STFU making noise in the morning? does he know you hate that he wakes you up or are you just fuming in silence?
Is it really so much bother to pick them up after their walk? Can their son collect them?

Just tell them: I am doing X tomorrow, what are your plans? and then if it is anything involving you say "no, i'm doing X as i said" and leave it at that.

RenegadeMatron · 21/07/2022 10:56

Of course it’s normal for you to stay in some days - you’re at home.

But it’s not in the least abnormal for them to want to head out pretty much every day.

We’re staying at the ILs at the moment, and head out every day. To do stuff with the the kids and to get out of their hair and give them some space.

Don’t you want them out of your hair for a couple of hour each day?

Getting up super early is a separate issue, and yes, annoying.

stupidly · 21/07/2022 10:57

I find it odd to stay in the house for an entire day more than once a week. It seems reasonable to want to go out at least for a walk?

Picking them up doesn't seem like too much of a problem tbh.

But needing some space is not U.

SallyWD · 21/07/2022 11:00

Personally I would find it a bit odd to be staying abroad at my in-laws house on holiday and stay in! It's different to being at home. My in-laws also live abroad and while I wouldn't want to stay in when we go there, they do way too much. Not just one outing a day but many outings. They squeeze in about 5 days worth of activities in to each day. I find it utterly exhausting. I've started to go for less time because I can't keep up.

SallyWD · 21/07/2022 11:01

Ah I misunderstood - you're at your home! Do what you like then!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 21/07/2022 11:03

It’s your home. It’s not a hotel, and you are not their concierge.

When we lived in a very interesting part of France, we almost stopped having visitors for just this sort of behaviour ( they weren’t family, but IMHO family should be more , not less understanding and considerate).

Finally , We used to suggest that people stayed in aB&B or hotel which we would book and inspect for them, and invite them for a lot meals, go on some trips to places we knew together.
i don’t know where you are, but in France, car hire was very cheap and very easy, the local supermarkets all did it. Maybe they should hire their own car, then they can get up at the crack of Dawn, go off wherever they want, and come back at night for supper. ( hopefully knackered and less demanding).

Wnikat · 21/07/2022 11:06

I think you're unreasonable to begrudge picking them up. They're only there for two weeks. They're family. I would want my in laws to have a nice holiday so it's a bit mean to say "he wants his nice morning walk" like that's an unreasonable thing for him to want to do. If you don't want to stop on the way home, then don't. If I worked full time and my partner was at home and refused to help out a bit with my parents when they stayed I'd be quite annoyed.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 21/07/2022 11:07

Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 10:53

@CantaloupeMelon That’s fine but then they want to be picked up, so I’m not really having a quiet day at home. They invariably want to go to the shops on the way back and pick up things they want etc
Right now I’m in between cleaning everywhere and then have to get ready, do and pick them up, shops on the way back and then home to make dinner for everyone and then put Dd to bed

Can you not just say that you can't pick them up today, and they'll need to get a cab back? Or that you can't pick them up until x (a time that suits you)?

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/07/2022 11:07

Where’s your husband?
bit rude to go to work when his parents are visiting?