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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to just stay in once or twice a week?

102 replies

Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 09:47

In laws staying with us for two weeks (we live abroad)
Both wake up early-think 6-6.30 am, my Dd usually wakes around 8 as she goes to bed later in summer.
F.I.L wakes early and makes noise, we’re all awake early now, he wants to go out as early as possible and basically arranges things so the day suits him.
We’re a week in and feeling shattered today, I’m a Sahm currently and generally take Dd out a few times during the week and at the weekend, but we have two-three days at home-going crafts, in the garden/paddling pool, baking or just relaxing a bit more.
They’ve gone out early for each walk but have asked me to pick them up as it will be too hot later for them to walk back. I’m glad to have the morning in peace ( need fo hoover & clean etc though 😩)
Aibu to not find it weird to want to stay in a couple of days a week and wonder if they’re taking the piss a bit

OP posts:
StrangeCondition · 21/07/2022 11:09

Can they not use public transport/hire their own car? You're not a taxi service, I wouldn't expect to be picked up and driven around if I was staying at someone's home

MaidofBriz · 21/07/2022 11:13

They are only with you a fortnight, visiting their family. All sounds a bit mean spirited to me. However much trouble is it to pop in the car to pick them up, presumably they don't walk for miles and miles. And if they want to pop into a shop, let them, you can sit and wait for them. Annoying he gets up early - but presumably your OH is up for work etc, but again it is just for 2 weeks; doesnt sound like you have to get up at the same time, you can still relax in your room. Mountain out of molehill springs to mind here. Soon they will be gone and you can go back to how you were.

HouseInTheHills · 21/07/2022 11:16

You need to say no sometimes if it doesn’t suit you. They’re adults and can go out and make their own way back without your help. They’re on holiday, you’re not.

TheSandgroper · 21/07/2022 11:17

I get you, OP. Dd used to love having days at home. When I told her we were staying home all day, her shoulders would drop and she would spend all day doing her thing. And this was from quite a young age.

advise Fil he needs to get a taxi or something. Stick to your guns.

adorablecat · 21/07/2022 11:19

Give them a number for a reliable taxi firm.

Caspianberg · 21/07/2022 11:23

We have similar. Home abroad, lots of visitors (pre covid more). People just forget you have to work or do daily regular life.

In laws last month were really annoyed as hadnt been for 18 months and said they only came to see 2 year old. So when he had nursery trial morning, vaccinations at doctors another, etc that were all scheduled for months they were annoyed he wasn’t there 24/7. And that dh and I still had to spend some time working, and that we can’t literally entertain them 7am-10pm. They seem surprised we need to carry on with laundry, car mot, food shops, hoovering, getting broken pipe fixed…

PrisonerofZeroCovid · 21/07/2022 11:30

OP..... in the nicest possible way you are a SAHM to one child and your schedule isn't exactly hectic. How hard is it to be a bit accommodating/ welcoming to your family for 2 weeks? Unless you're now going to drip feed that you have crippling MH problems or are a quadriplegic or that PIL are world class fell runners and you have to drive 50 miles across fields to pick them up?? Like I don't understand how what you've described can leave you "shattered". It's just basic hospitality.

ihavenocats · 21/07/2022 11:34

I very rarely want to leave my house. I would be assertive on this one. I've worked my whole life, I love my home, I enjoy my home, I don't need to be outside to be happy. Someone like this in my home would be told the facts; I like staying in. Deal with it.

DilemmaDelilah · 21/07/2022 12:02

I don't think it's strange at all to want to have days at home - in fact I would go further and say that it actually better for children to learn how to amuse themselves. With regard to your LIPs - could you find out bus/train timetables back to where you live and suggest that they walk to X or Y because you aren't going to be able to pick them up and they will be able to get the bus/train back?

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 21/07/2022 12:10

I’d remove something from the car so it doesn’t start and your dh will have to pick them up instead 😂

I couldn’t stay quiet being treated like a hotel and taxi service, and the pretence they are there to see family. If they were there to see family they wouldn’t be fucking off every day.

I also wouldn’t be left to entertain my dhs parents. Yea you are a Sahm but not a skivvy to run around after all these grown ass adults.

roarfeckingroarr · 21/07/2022 12:16

Is there a local bus / taxis?

AbleCable · 21/07/2022 12:16

Having visitors IS tiring. Just having people around everyday when you are not used to them being there is tiring. I had three sets of visitors through the month of June staying five days, seven days and ten days! They are on holidays, they want to get out and do things, they want to go out for dinner - I was wiped out by the 30th when the last of them left. I managed it by not going with them every time, having days where we just had dinner together in the evening after they did their trip to the water park or whatever.
But if they are not expecting you to entertain them, go out walking with them, take them to tourist attractions - just pick them up when they are finished, I can't see what the problem is? If it's pick them up from where they walked to and stop off at the shops - this can't take more than an hour surely? Would you rather they spent the day at home with you? Personally I found having the visitors off doing their own thing gave me a bit of breathing space do do laundry, cleaning or just sit in peace with a coffee.

WhenDovesFly · 21/07/2022 12:17

Is your DH not taking at least one of the weeks off to spend time with his parents while they visit?

Ameanstreakamilewide · 21/07/2022 12:25

You're a saint for having guests for 2 weeks.
I think it's a huge imposition.

I wouldn't dream of staying with family for that long. You both need your own space.

As your post proves!

rookiemere · 21/07/2022 12:26

Can you say for some of the days that you can pick them up, but you don't want to have to go to the shops every day or do other errands with them.

PrisonerofZeroCovid · 21/07/2022 12:29

If they were there to see family they wouldn’t be fucking off every day.

Maybe they dont feel very welcome... can't imagine why Grin

Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:09

@PrisonerofZeroCovid Why’s that then? I cook dinner for them every night, clean up after them, take them food shopping, take them where they want to go everyday, pick them up, be awake at the time they wake, watch what they want to watch on the tv….

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Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:10

They want to go to their cafes and early morning walks but nothing for Dd, no playgrounds, pools etc…because they don’t like doing it

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Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:12

Fil basically makes his plans/decides what he wants to do/where he wants to go and we have to fit in with him

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catandcoffee · 21/07/2022 14:15

Where's their son in all this ?.
The fact they do nothing for their grandchildren, I'd have no issue saying no to them.

When you think about it what have you got to lose.... what do they bring to your life,apart from stress.

they sound awful.

Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:25

@catandcoffee They play with her (fil mainly) and buy her clothes and birthday/Xmas presents, but haven’t babysat/taken her anywhere without us

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Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:26

@catandcoffee He has to work, so arrives home 6-6.30. He’s having holidays in September when we’ll go away

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Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:28

@Ameanstreakamilewide Its so hard having to basically change your own life for two weeks. It doesn’t sound like a lot but with the lack of sleep etc I feel tired and Dd keeps falling asleep when we’re out

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Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:29

@Ameanstreakamilewide I wouldn’t stay with family for that long either!

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Original poster
Thesummerof22 · 21/07/2022 14:31

@AbleCable It is tiring, we live a different lifestyle here, so these really early starts for Dd but late nights don’t work…she’s just shattered in the day and badly behaved bless her

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