To want to just stay in once or twice a week?

[Thesummerof22]

In laws staying with us for two weeks (we live abroad)
Both wake up early-think 6-6.30 am, my Dd usually wakes around 8 as she goes to bed later in summer.
F.I.L wakes early and makes noise, we’re all awake early now, he wants to go out as early as possible and basically arranges things so the day suits him.
We’re a week in and feeling shattered today, I’m a Sahm currently and generally take Dd out a few times during the week and at the weekend, but we have two-three days at home-going crafts, in the garden/paddling pool, baking or just relaxing a bit more.
They’ve gone out early for each walk but have asked me to pick them up as it will be too hot later for them to walk back. I’m glad to have the morning in peace ( need fo hoover & clean etc though 😩)
Aibu to not find it weird to want to stay in a couple of days a week and wonder if they’re taking the piss a bit

@DilemmaDelilah Definitely, she’s much better when she has some downtime, especially as it’s hot now. She’s happy having a day in summer pjs or costume and in the garden/pool most of the day

@Caspianberg Thats it. I was running around trying to do the hoovering, mopping etc whilst they were out, as how can you do that when they’re just sat around

Now we’ve come back and they’ve gone for a sleep

@PrisonerofZeroCovid Read the whole thread.
We're woken up at the crack of dawn, hurried around in order to meet fil’s plans for the day. I tidy after them (fil barejy washes a cup) make dinner for everyone, drive them wherever they want to go
Dd hasn’t slept for days so her behaviour is terrible, so she acts badly which makes the atmosphere awkward
I am tired

I get why you're frustrated but I think you need to talk to them.

DD is exhausted because you keep waking her up early, please can you be quiet until x time.

I think if you weren't all knackered the rest wouldn't seem so bad.

Another day you can try the we've got a couple of appointments tomorrow so I can't pick you up, you'll need to get a cab, here's the number.

You need to break the cycle of running around after them.

The other day they hurried us around in order to get to the beach early (I get this as it gets hot) but Dd obviously doesn’t get dressed straightaway like an adult does and needs some time over breakfast.
We got there, took all towels, drinks, toys etc, Dd happy playing in the sea…they went off for a walk along the beach, came back and wanted to go..like immediately, because it was too hot 🤷🏻‍♀️Just feel like being rushed all over the place

So stop doing it then? When they want to leave the beach, say OK, call a taxi, we'll see you later. Same when they want a lift somewhere. Tell them what you're doing that day, and if they want to fit in with you then great.

In other words, grow a backbone

@fdgdfgdfgdfg Our house is a two minute drive from the beach, no taxi would’ve taken them

He has to work, so arrives home 6-6.30. He’s having holidays in September when we’ll go away

more fool you for agreeing to this, though, really. It's a few days and it's goodwill in the bank. Suck it up and grin and bear it for the last few days (but tell FIL to be silent in the morning or you'll flush his head down the loo)

Then they walk. Apparently they like a walk. This is a you problem, stop enabling them so much and just get on with your life

@Brefugee Its not a few days…over a week to go and two weeks in total

@fdgdfgdfgdfg So you’d seriously leave your older parents in law on a hot beach and have them walk back? How on earth can I do that?

Yes I think stricter is key. I now just say on arrival , we are busy Wednesday morning and all day Friday, so don’t worry about including us in our plans those days.
Ds needs a nap daily after lunch, so please don’t plan a 3hr boat trip with him at 12pm in 36 degree heat as he will hate it.

@Caspianberg So we're really tired today, so should I say…’We’re going to stay in tomorrow, we fancy a day just at home’
They may take offence or ask me to pick them up from wherever they then decide to go again

How extremely kind of you to look after and entertainment your DH’s parent for him: I hope he appreciates it very much! A shame he couldn’t take his time off whilst they were there.

You absolutely have to speak to them about being quiet early in the mornings. 6.30 is ridiculously early to expect you to be up. And then they go for a lovely sleep later on - how convenient for them!

I wouldn’t want to be rushing about, and if I were at the beach and Dd enjoying herself I’d say “no sorry we aren’t leaving now, as dd is having fun”. I would also make clear that some days I wasn’t up for picking them up, and dragging your dd out all over the place.

@Thesummerof22 yes but 2 of those days are weekend so you can palm them (and dd) to your DH and make him take over from Friday afternoon.
And if you tell them to stop being noisy berks in the morning, and carry on with your routine when they are just sitting around (why can't you get on with your usual stuff while they do that?) then you won't be rushing round doing stuff in a hurry.

I get the sense that you don't like them much, but that should have factored into you agreeing to them coming while DH was still working tbh.
Stiffen that spine and tell them how it's going to go down, you can do it!

Why are you being bossed around by your FIL?

Genuine question.
Why?

His son is working and you are not a skivvy.

Your husband is a CF inviting them and not being around for them.

Stop rushing around.

You have a child.

Your FIL is not the boss of you!

Why are you doing all the cleaning, cooking etc?

You need to find some self respect.

Two weeks is far too long.

Stop being pleasant.

Tell your husband you are tired and fed up of his noisy selfish father and go to bed with a headache and leave him to sort HIS parents out.

Stop behaving like a skivvy in your home.

No, what I'd have done is told my DP that if he wanted his parents to come and stay for two whole weeks then he needed to take the time off work. If she couldn't take that much time off, then they either wouldn't be coming or they'd be coming under the understanding that they'd have to either entertain themselves or fit in with my plans while my DP wasn't around.

Admittedly, I'm male so haven't had a lifetime of being socialised to people please at any cost, but you can do it too. You just have to tell them, these are mine and DD's plans for tomorrow, do you want to join us or would you rather sort yourselves out.

Firstly, DH should have taken at least a week off for this.

Secondly, as you still have a week left, can you hire a car for ILs? That way they can do what they like and you can be less at their beck and call.

Jeez people she has a garden and pool! I'd ask who dues go out every day if the week with a little one (or without - I have plenty to do at home and can stay there for several days in a row).
Get your husband to deal with them - if they are on holiday surely he's taken time off work to show them around?
Lend them your car for the day.
Other than that I don't see the big deal collecting them - that hardly seems a chore. But I do expect your husband to be doing dinner or more with them.

Can't they organise a taxi? What would they do if you didn't drive or had to work?

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. If I was on holiday, I'd want to get out and do things and make the most of my time, but equally I'd hate guests in my home for so long as well.

I think they need to fit in around you. Learn to say no. If they want go out, they can walk, get the bus or pay for a taxi.

@Thesummerof22 - yes. I would just tell them your plans for tomorrow now, so they are clear

’ tomorrow I have some household chores and admin to do. I would like Dd to have a relaxed day at home as she is getting tired for recent activities. If you would like to be dropped somewhere local I can take you between 8.30-9am, but you would need to walk back or take a taxi. Otherwise feel free to play with Dd at home and in the garden’

And yes. Clamp down on whole household being woken at 6.30am. Just tell them to be quieter

No real help to offer but I have the same my MiL comes to visit from Spain stays 3 plus weeks so dh just can't take the whole time off work and I feel like I have to be 'on' all the time. She's up at 6 doesn't go to bed til 11 talks non stop, wants to go out every day and I find it utterly exhausting. She doesn't eat gluten, dairy, ham or red meat weighs about 6 stone and side eyes every cake. Last time I took to hiding in the shed with wine and Wotsits. I really like her but honestly I think the elderly get really selfish and guests shouldn't stay longer than 3 days. I don't think you can do much other than say I need an at home day and give them a taxi number to call.

If someone woke me up at 6am they wouldn’t survive the two weeks.

You don’t leave the house at all 3 days a week? Not even for a walk or to nip to the shop? I can’t get my head around this. Do you have a big garden for your daughter to run around it? I have puppy dog like children who need lots of exercise so this is very alien to me.

I live in a tiny flat without a garden and I could easily stay in with DD 3 days a week without her needing to go for a walk. I guess she doesn't require lots of exercise. Drawing, jigsaw puzzles, Nintendo Switch like mario kart or spyro, films/tv, books, her toys, playing games with me, music and dancing etc. It's not difficult for us at least.

She gets up late when she can though, she can sleep until 10am no problem, just like me.

But then, I hate going outside most days. I'd rather spend the majority of time indoors.