DSD ruining my children's weekends

[HerGuy]

DSD has some issues with hunger, she seems to be fine 75% of the time, until she's anything but full (of food). Ie she goes from being full to angry,moody with no in-between of "oh I want food in a bit".

Last couple of weekends, she's ruled the weekend with her food issues and my two kids for the first time ever, made comment to their own mother about their miserable weekend.

Aibu to exclude her from activities with my own kids? My kids generally love her, and adore my girlfriend, but recently it's been ruining their time.

Do I tell boys that it's part of having a step sister, or do I remove her from the situation and let my boys enjoy their weekends with me.

For reference, we've been a "family" for about 18 months, but don't life together.

My girlfriend thinks me and the boys should do something ourselves, if her daughter is causing issues, however part of me feels that she'll never improve her behaviour if she's not included and held accountable, but then I wonder about my boys enjoyment.

Any opinions would be appreciated

You don't live together, your children aren't enjoying time with your girlfriend and her daughter so just see her when you don't have them.

Hopefully the child's parents are checking any medical reasons for her issues.

This.

Your only concern should be your own children. Your girlfriend's child has two parents who can address the issues she is going through, while you focus on your own children.

How old is she? What dies her dm say and do?

She's hangry. Have a read of this.

But at that age (11yo) she shouldn’t be ‘hangry’ an hour out from each meal which is what OP describes, nor obsessing over the next meal as soon as the last is done. A physical issue needs to be ruled out and then that’s leaves a psychological issue.

This is not one for you and your boys to fix.

Your OH has said you guys should just go out, so just go out and leave her and DSD to it. If DSD sees she is missing out then she may stop asking for food out of mealtimes.

It's also not up to you to provide snacks, that's for her mum to provide.

Admittedly my 15 year old is sporty and burns a lot of calories, but she went through a ravenous phase at about the same age as your step daughter. She was growing steadily upwards at the same time and hit puberty after a year. It was a standing joke that I went everywhere armed with snacks for about 3 years.

Assuming that she isn't fat and can handle the extra food, have a look at the type of food that she is eating. Find things that are more filling. Get her to drink milk, eat nuts, bananas instead of a packet of biscuits. Porridge/muesli/weetabix in the morning is going to be better than a slice of toast. Wholemeal bread is more filling than white.

I think it absolutely fine for you to go off to do things with your lads. Regroup at mealtimes and the occasional movie night.

My friends son was like this 12 years ago and she was advised to substantially up his protein in the morning to help regulate him.
Carby cereals were not helping.

My pal started giving him an omelette for breakfast and the change was startling.

I adopted her advice and started giving my children a smoothy as part of their breakfast.

Orange juice, banana, some frozen berries, acai powder, protein powder and a big dollap of almond/peanut butter.

Whizz the lot up and it is incredibly filling, fast to consume, and satisfying.

Fantastic for kids who don't like to eat breakfast as it breaks their fast before they leave for school.

My son's in their early 20's still have them as they feel they really set them up for the day.

Well worth trying for children needing help with hangry episodes.

You don't live together. You've been together 18 months. She's not your stepdaughter. Spend your access weekends focussing on your sons. Leave your girlfriend to deal with the behaviour issues of her daughter. Very simple.

Do I tell boys that it's part of having a step sister, or do I remove her from the situation and let my boys enjoy their weekends with me.

Of course it's not part of having a stepsister. Not all girls act like this. How misogynistic.

Have you thought about things from her POV? She's sharing her mum with you and her life has changed over the past 18 months. You don't sound very sympathetic towards her.

Is she like this with her mum

or only when all of you

you don’t live together. You don’t need to spend every weekend together

both do something daytime and maybe see in evening

or have a weekend when don’t see each other at all

you need to think of your own kids

and maybe it is hungry and my toddler get hangry but then I know this and take snacks and give when see energy dipping

How hard is it really to provide food when she’s hungry? Surely she can just have something in her pocket and eat it? Do you both ration her food/access to food? Carrots are cheap and filling, as are apples, sandwiches, oat bars. Give the child some autonomy.

What solution do you propose? At 11 she may well be going through puberty. If you can't cut her some slack maybe there is no future in your relationship.

My friends son was like this 12 years ago and she was advised to substantially up his protein in the morning to help regulate him.

Yeah- my DS is like this. Breakfast has to be something like an egg or bacon bap and a yoghurt as no protein= hanger a few hours later. When he's hangry and you feed him its like flipping a switch.

Your her mams boyfriend of only 18 months?

You dont live together?

Your boys are only with you for 2 out of 7 days?

You arent a 'family' and they are NOT her 'brothers'.

They have not grown up together, they do not live together, you are not her full time father and your girlfriend is not their full time mother etc... you cant force that kind of bond, these kid will likely at best be more like cousins than siblings.

Also her behavior is not your responsability, saying 'she will never learn if'... its not your place to be 'teaching' her anything, she has a mother who has already stated what to do, do you really need strangers to say the exact same thing?

Your DS's are your responsability and her DD is hers and both deserve time with their PARENT... it was your choice to be with this woman, the kids did not get a say and they do not have to prentend to some wierd 1950s perfect 'happy family' for you.

As for the food issues it could be anything from normal pubity growth spurt to a hormone imbalance to any amount of medical issues... non of these will be 'fixed' by by forcing her to hang out with your DS's.

The only young child I knew like this was diagnosed with T1 diabetes aged around 6/7. But she had other signs: not growing well, very pale. Didnt have the thirst/peeing thing though so parents had to insist on a test.
It's worth your girlfriend getting her checked with a GP.

Although my bet would be hormones/anxiety and she's eating for comfort.

And yes I agree with all of this - stop trying to force "blended family" they are NOT step siblings.

Assuming you have them Saturday and Sunday (for arguments sake) could you not spend a morning or an afternoon all together doing an activity, but be separate the rest of the time? That way even if she is moody, it's only a small portion of their time with you being ruined, but they've still got the rest of the weekend without her.

She's playing up and being badly behaved. She doesn't have magic food issues. However, telling her she can explain to the doctor about her tapeworm might stop the drama.

Focus on her aggression and nastiness. If she's being poorly behaved she can go and sit on the step like a baby for a few minutes until she wants to be pleasant again. Do not give her attention for negative behaviour, but praise the positive. Right now she's getting all the focus by demanding food and winding everyone up.

Thing is, this is her mother's job and not yours. And if her mother wants to continue spoiling her with food and treats and attention for tantrums, things are doomed, because you can't have the brat ruining your kids' lives nor can you avoid offending the mother.

she might have amedical issue but its not your problem to sort out

shes also not your stepdaughter just spend time with your children on your own

wow you seem very inexperianced in the world... she is not a 'brat' there are clearly underlying issues likely with a medical explination (could be anything from standardy uncontrollable pubity hormones rapaging to glucose issues effecting her mental state).

I hope you won't treat your own children so horribly should they ever develope any issues.

It’s ok and actually expected to spend time with your own DC on your own without your GF and her DD there too. You don’t need to justify this to anyone, you should be doing this as standard imo.

What a hideous post in every way.

Presumably she is fine at school without constant access to food?

Sounds like she might need to see a Doctor if it's that extreme? But for now if it's spoiling your kids weekends do your own thing I reckon