To ask if you have had a relationship with a man previously accused of abuse either emotionally or physically that turned out to not be abusive to you?

[Askingadviceagain]

Started dating a new guy around a year ago. No signs of abuse so far although his ex did accuse him of emotional abuse. He has admitted to me that they were both unkind when splitting up and he regrets it and has worked on himself.

Just wondering how many people have had a relationship with someone previously accused of abuse that turned out to be a nice partner?

My radar is a bit off as I have had a few of these partners now (accused) and eventually I have always seen what the ex wife had issues with.

I'm hoping this one is different. Any experience like this?

This ^^

I'm gonna give a example - you ask a abuser why he hits his wife. The response will usually be something like I lost it saw red, she provoked me ect (boringly reliably the same answer)

Ask that same abuser if he's done it to his mother and usually they look horrified and say they would never do that to their mother. They give themselves permission to lose it with whoever they abuse and are in total control of their actions because they don't see red everytime they are angry, it's always situational . They are always always in control. They excuse the behaviour as justified and it helps them retain control of whoever they are doing it to via fear.

Why would anyone give up that power, it's like playing the sims you don't just control your actions but a whole other person or persons always to the abusers benefit.

Nope
I've worked as a detective in domestic abuse and I see the name of one suspect linked to numerous different victims. They dont change ime. It may take them longer before they start but it ends the same