DH obsessively closes windows all year round. AIBU to be annoyed about it?

[SomeLikeItWhat]

This is non-heat wave specific. This is a year-round problem.

DH is obsessed with shutting all windows and doors. As soon as I walk through a room, he is trying to shut the door behind me and gets grumpy if I say how weird it is. Saying about conserving heat blah blah blah.

Even this morning - when we finally we got some more cool air outside, I went to open our big back doors onto the garden and he said - "Oh the air is a little cool, let's just keep them shut and the house will cool down naturally throughout the day" (The house is still 30 degrees this morning)

WHAT???

If I open a window, he closes it. It feels infuriating. He says our house is cold and I'm being weird.

I mean - it's really bloody annoying but I guess he has the same right to have it all closed as I do - but this morning was evidence I think that this is psychological rather than him being cold.

He's quite anxious and can have depression - and I think it may be related. It feels like he's trying to keep us all in somehow.

Anyone ever had this with a partner? And am I stretching it somewhat to think closing windows is about mental health??!

I do wonder if the booze and good times we had in the first few years was actually masking/hiding these MH issues. He's pretty much completely tee total these days and just goes swimming 6 times a week. Imagine most people might be pleased when their partner stops partying - but for me, it's like a different person has emerged. I know I need to support him - but it's hard to live like this.

@SomeLikeItWhat

I think it would be perfectly acceptable for you to tell him to fuck off

I would

he sounds like a right neurotic bore

not sure why one persons desire for open windows trumps another’s for closed ones

Compromise is the answer surely. I like to air my home, can't stand stuffiness, so I'd do that and then agree to close the windows after half an hour.

OP, you're faaaaar more patient than me. I couldn't bear to have someone clucking after me like a fussy old hen closing windows and telling me how much kitchen roll to use. 'Fuck off and stop treating me like a child' would have definitely have tumbled from my lips by now.

Jeez I'd absolutely hate this.

I have windows and doors open as often as I possibly can. I hate stuffy inside air and love to feel a bit of a breeze of fresh air circulating through the house - the best is when you open all windows and the breeze creates a bit of a wind tunnel and really blows out all the stuffiness!

I even sleep with windows open in winter (also don't heat the bedroom) as I love fresh air to sleep and would rather throw a big eiderdown over the duvet and snuggle under it than sleep in stuffy air! I'm pretty sure I read that studies have shown its healthy to do this actually.

Luckily DH doesn't mind!

@Snog

i don’t think it sounds like that

I don’t think she should be pandering to his neurotic ways

he sounds like a right uptight sun sponge

Don’t put up with it. Challenge him. Say you do not want to live in a prison, you want to air the house and feel the breeze on your body. I’d want to push back and see how far he’ll go. That will tell you whether it’s mental health related or just an irritating habit.

This would drive me crazy - even in winter I open the windows (especially bedrooms and bathrooms) to let some fresh air in. Even half an hour can make all the difference. Having said that my DH husband is the same as he doesn't like me opening the front living room window in case a cat jumps in and I cannot open the upstairs windows too far in case a bird flies in!

Maybe you need to get him out for a night out Op

get some drinks in him, have a laugh and let your hair down

help him remember what’s it like to have fun and hopefully his windows and kitchen roll obsessions will abate

@SomeLikeItWhat I feel your pain.
It's like a constant power struggle in our house.
I want windows open at night but dh doesn't so he puts a fan on and I can't bear the noise of the fan.
Last night at 2 am I lost it and turned the fan off.
In winter he'll follow me around shutting doors and placing draught excluders in front of them.
I can't leave the room for a minute without being told to shut the door.
It's definitely anxiety related but dh stopped taking any medication 6 years ago and won't visit the gp.
And if we arrive home in the dark I can't put a light on until the door is shut because of flies and moths getting in!
So annoying.

A family member of mine started to become obsessive about windows after he became terminally ill. He had always had quite obsessive traits, but they got worse after his diagnosis. I believe that as he was losing control of his life and health, controlling his environment was one thing he could do. He used to say he didn't want the dust getting in, which was the only way he could think to explain it I guess. Anyway, I do think this kind of thing can be linked to mental health, yes. In some cases, it's quite a simple, named anxiety, like fear of moths/spiders/insects coming in. But once it starts getting obsessive and impacts others, it becomes more complicated. Heat and stale air do need to escape. Sometimes the little vents described by a pp are just not enough. With modern insulation and double glazing, it is, easy for air to become stale if not properly ventilated. I'd worry about mould etc too.

With the kitchen roll issue I'd be handing that straight over to him to clean up with his one sheet of kitchen roll.

I would try to agree with him what is a reasonable temperature you would both like in winter and summer.

once you have done that, buy a load of thermometers and you can use them to prove it is cooler outside.

or do something like have alternate days for who gets to choose about the windows.

I feel for you. From spring through to autumn there's rarely a moment that we have an entirely closed up house, and usually all widows and one door are open thorughout the day with upstairs windows open at night. In winter we still have bedroom windows open at night. I would feel seriously hemmed in if we didn't, this is a source of real happiness for me, and in addition to the fresh air I like hearing the birds and occassional neighbourhood noises (it's a quiet neighbourhood). I don't know your OH's reasoning, and it's worth lookig for a compromise, but my brother is depressed and he keeps windows and curtains closed always as he's extremely private (he lives on a resonably isolated farm up north!). I know someone else who also keeps windows and curtains closed out of personal preference. I don't think they're depressed, but I don't know for a fact, and I do know their life is hard. Hope you can find a compromise soon.

And I couldn't live like this. Fresh air is necessary.

What a monologue, and I forgot to add something about doors, my OH does this a bit in winter, he'll sht the door of the sitting room. He also like to have the bedroom door shut at night. I don't like this, but it's minor so I go along with it.

I’m surprised by all the YANBUs. Mine are always shut! Hate bugs and flies coming in

Oof I would really struggle with that if I were you OP, I really do like a well aired house. Willing to compromise in winter and just have windows open a few minutes at a time, and close doors for draughts and stuff because DH does feel the cold more than me. But in the warmer weather, it would be unbearable. I really hated keeping them shut the last few days. It sounds very hard and quite understandable that you feel as you do.

@Nc830

better that than a stuffy stinky house

have you never heard of fly screens?

Especially annoying is the bathroom window which I open to let the steam out after a shower, but he'll immediately close it! He'll even close the door, therefore trapping the steam in completely.

very good way to cultivate unhealthy black mould. I have the window open always, and we only close the door if someone is in there.

He also locks the front door on a morning if he goes out before the rest of us, which is totally unnecessary, and very probably linked to MH

I would absolutely completely and utterly lose my shit at this. And would tell him that if he did it again I'd remove the door completely. It's not safe to do that (although i do notice that people in the UK lock their doors a lot when they're in which i find stifling and unsafe so i guess it's a cultural thing)

@LuckySantangelo35 I think you're right. I need to make an effort to help him relax a little perhaps.

To be honest - I find myself daydreaming about being free of it all - I want to tile the bathroom (waste of money according to him), I want to take the kids on holiday (too much hassle and waste of money). He cooked dinner last night telling me how much he'd saved on each item by going own supermarket brand.

I mean - I get cost of living - but I feel like i'm not living at all.

Maybe I'm too lax.

I can't cause all the disruption to our DS because my DH is too careful with money or likes to keep the windows shut. But it feels stifling.

I'm pleased some people get it. He's made me feel like I'm being way OTT about it all.

I realise this thread is probably going to draw disproportionate responses from those of us who like a lot of fresh air, but I think never having the windows open is pretty extreme. Most people probably do it at least sometimes.

@19Bears Ah - I've read your posts before about your DH & your challenges with him. I did see one post about you saying your DH watching Ben Shaprio videos. Sorry to sound like i'm stalking you but my DH watches Ben Shapiro so much - and therefore it stuck in my mind as never came across anyone that watches him before. Weird similarities.

Oh God. I could not be with a man who was a Ben Shapiro fan.

Nopety nope.

Tbf, I'm an absolute dick about kitchen roll. I don't like waste in general, and I don't like using disposable kitchen roll to clean up, when most of the time you can use a cloth instead and then rinse it out or throw it in the wash if necessary. Kitchen roll is for times when you really do need to throw it away after (eg something really unhygienic) or for wiping fat out of pans so it doesn't go down the sink.

But I do recognise that this is MY issue, and I generally manage to bite my tongue at the absolutely profligate kitchen roll habits of my beloved family. I expect someone will come along to remind me about water use as well, which I hadn't actually factored in, and may now have to think about 😳

I think I WAS within my rights the other day to say "umm..."at DH, who was wetting a piece of kitchen roll to clean up some sugar spilled on the table. You can just sweep dry sugar into your hand. Why would you purposely MAKE SYRUP on the TABLE. It's upsetting me right now to think of it.

Oh OP yanbu btw, I'd find your husband's habits difficult to live with too.