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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this give you the "ick" aibu?

126 replies

andlle · 19/07/2022 22:59

I've been on two good dates with a guy.
Yesterday was his day off and today
He sent me pics of him sunbathing in his garden.
Then said he was off to York (we are from Newcastle)
Within 45 minutes he sent me a pic of him in a pub in York ...only thing was in this picture he had a big coat on
I thought it's 30 degrees and your wearing that.
Then later in the day he sent videos of the pub etc ..and I noticed everyone was dressed in more warmer clothes (coats,hats etc )
He was obviously sending me videos /pics from months ago pretending to be there...
Then a few hours later he sent me a pic of his legs sunburnt in his back garden (but he was apparently wearing jeans in York )

This is odd isn't it?

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 20/07/2022 07:11

Can you look at the photo properties and see when it was taken?

Missisipihallelujah · 20/07/2022 07:13

More importantly OP, was he wearing an ugly coat ? 😆you know the kind you look at and think, no, just no.

Fancydancer1934 · 20/07/2022 07:20

VeniVidiWeeWee · 20/07/2022 01:29

Anyone who uses the word "ick" is unreasonable.

With you totally on that one.

SmellyToilet · 20/07/2022 07:21

Oh god no, first sign of lying I’d be out of there. I used to be with a compulsive liar … he used to lie about stupid stuff such as where he’d eaten lunch etc but also massive stuff about debt etc

never again. It got to the point where I simply didn’t believe a word he said.

chickenegg · 20/07/2022 07:42

SmellyToilet · 20/07/2022 07:21

Oh god no, first sign of lying I’d be out of there. I used to be with a compulsive liar … he used to lie about stupid stuff such as where he’d eaten lunch etc but also massive stuff about debt etc

never again. It got to the point where I simply didn’t believe a word he said.

We dated the same guy!
Such a dreadful personality trait. I've never felt ick like it.

chickenegg · 20/07/2022 07:42

vroom321 · 20/07/2022 06:58

I'd have to mention it though

Me too.

SmellyToilet · 20/07/2022 08:37

chickenegg · 20/07/2022 07:42

We dated the same guy!
Such a dreadful personality trait. I've never felt ick like it.

Show quote history

It was unbearable - I remember him coming home one day saying he’d been to KFC for lunch. His daughter later came in saying the Chinese they had for lunch was lovely. Weirdo

Purple52 · 24/07/2022 23:54

Block!

addicted2luvisland · 24/07/2022 23:58

It sounds like he was just sharing pictures and videos - not necessarily from today. I had a guy do this once and it got on my nerves.

maddy68 · 24/07/2022 23:59

Get rid.

AandFsMum · 25/07/2022 00:03

RED FLAGS!!
He's gaslighting you.
He'll be starting off with this little "trick" to make you doubt reality then they'll getting worse and more frequent.
If you try to discuss it with him he'll make you question your reality further and therefore gaslight more. He's using this to test the water to see how gullible/trusting you are.
Trust your gut, if it feels wrong it is wrong.
Ghost and block him, don't give him the opportunity to try and gaslight you further.
On a basic level he's lying and being disrespectful to you.

Veryverysadandold · 25/07/2022 00:06

I thought you meant he was wearing a coat in the heat wave and voted YANBU because that does give me the ick 😂

Maves · 25/07/2022 00:22

AandFsMum · 25/07/2022 00:03

RED FLAGS!!
He's gaslighting you.
He'll be starting off with this little "trick" to make you doubt reality then they'll getting worse and more frequent.
If you try to discuss it with him he'll make you question your reality further and therefore gaslight more. He's using this to test the water to see how gullible/trusting you are.
Trust your gut, if it feels wrong it is wrong.
Ghost and block him, don't give him the opportunity to try and gaslight you further.
On a basic level he's lying and being disrespectful to you.

That's not what gaslighting is

Hawkins001 · 25/07/2022 00:24

If you have a cover story, always best to make sure the details add up, as Lionel luthor once said, the devil is in the details, lex.

feistyoneyouare · 25/07/2022 00:26

Maves · 25/07/2022 00:22

That's not what gaslighting is

Show quote history

Eh? Making someone question their reality is exactly what gaslighting is.

FirstHusband · 25/07/2022 00:32

Maybe how a sad soul with no money tries and fails to persuade the woman he's dating that he has enough funds for a social life?

FizzyL1962 · 25/07/2022 00:42

I wouldn’t bother replying to him or acknowledging the photos. It’s just bs. Hes meant to be out with his friends and yet sending you photos that sound like they are from the wrong season. Does he think you are an idiot ? What the heck 🤷‍♀️ Big Red flag for me. I wouldn’t waste any more time on him even if I’d had two good dates but that’s just me.

illiterato · 25/07/2022 00:50

Honestly, I think people are overthinking this. I don't think he's grooming the OP for abuse. He's more likely a bit embarrassed that he doesn't have plans for his day off (especially if maybe the OP has an active social life) so he's pretending he's gone to catch up with mates, and done an exceptionally bad job of faking it, possibly as he's not very bright, or he doesn't have many photos and beggars cant be choosers.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 25/07/2022 00:50

i'm instinctively wary of people who lie, even about apparently harmless things. Especially if they lie just for the fun of it, just to mess with your head.

illiterato · 25/07/2022 00:51

to add, there have been threads about women doing similar on here, so it's not unheard of - along the lines of "I panicked and told him I was going to Glastonbury with mates when really I'm doing the ironing and watching Netflix"

PandemicAtTheDisco · 25/07/2022 01:14

A friend's daughter lies all the time in this way. She's constantly buying clothes, taking photos of her wearing them then sending the clothes back. She puts music on to make phone calls so people think she's not at home because of the background noise. She wasn't on holiday but posted lots of scenic views and didn't appear in a single photo. She hasn't got a passport. She doesn't go out much. She's not well.

If she was well then she'd fake it much more believably.

mutationseagull · 25/07/2022 04:11

feistyoneyouare · 25/07/2022 00:26

Eh? Making someone question their reality is exactly what gaslighting is.

Show quote history

He’s making her question his reality, not her own. This is just lying, not gaslighting.

Mamma2017 · 25/07/2022 05:06

mutationseagull · 25/07/2022 04:11

He’s making her question his reality, not her own. This is just lying, not gaslighting.

Show quote history

Her perception of his life is part of her reality. So to make her question her own perception would be gaslighting.
It’s hard to tell at this early stage that he’d turn out to be a full on gaslighter/ emotional abuser or that he is just making a lame attempt to try to look like he has a social life. Either way it’s bullshit & he’s a liar. Swerve!!

Snowraingain · 25/07/2022 05:17

Send him a picture of yourself on a beach or something with the caption “Shopping in Morrisons.”

scamander · 25/07/2022 05:42

Snowraingain · 25/07/2022 05:17

Send him a picture of yourself on a beach or something with the caption “Shopping in Morrisons.”

🤣🤣🤣 this is great!!!