To turn up at his house?

[staincross]

Okay, I know I am probably BU but I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

ExDP and I split up but were still seeing each other, sleeping together, acting like we were together etc. and he was consistently begging for me back, telling me how much he loves me etc. It seemed like we were moving back to a relationship.

Prior to becoming pregnant, I had said I would almost certainly terminate if it was very early on but that I wasn't 100% certain on that.

I found out I was pregnant and it was a massive shock. He didn't ask if I was ok, the first thing he said was that I need to book in for an abortion.

Two days later he said if I keep the baby he will have nothing to do with me or the baby and will not be in our lives. His mum then proceeded to send me a paragraph detailing why it was "preferable" I have an abortion and then blocked me on every platform, so did his dad and sister (all of whom he lives with).

I didn't hear from him a month. He then said he "needs" to know what I'm doing that that he didn't actually mean what he said.

He said that he said he'd abandon the baby and I and didn't speak to me for a month as he was hoping it would force and manipulate me into having an abortion.

He tried to coerce me into having an abortion, didn't he?

His parents were in on it too and cut contact to leave me feeling I had no choice but to terminate.

I refused to tell him if I was still pregnant or not.

I want to turn up at his house and give them all a piece of my mind. I am so cross, hurt and do betrayed. I'm not sure how I will move past this.

Is what they have done wrong, or am I BU? I can't think straight anymore.

It's not for anyone on this thread to tell the OP whether to have an abortion or not. That's plain wrong.

@staincross how are you feeling today?

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? I know it's almost impossible to do but you do need to try and put all this stuff to one side and figure out what YOU want. Do you have RL friends and family to talk this through with who can support you?

Don’t go to his house, they will try to make you ‘see sense’. But their idea of ‘sense’ isn’t for your benefit, it’s for theirs.Yes, they were all wrong, he fr trying to manipulate you into an abortion and his parents and sister for getting involved, non of their business. Especially his mother for sending you paragraphs of text on abortions. Cow.
Do you really want to have him back.
He says he wants to be involved in the babies life, ok so take it slowly, how much involvement is he proposing, is it a couple of hours a week, is it when he feels like it or is it to appease his guilty conscience for treating you so shabbily.
He will have to pay CMS involved or not.

You took steps to avoid pregnancy as you had no intention of having a baby. But there's always a risk of it happening and it's time men recognised that risk and the responsibility. You don't want an abortion and your ex bf has to accept that.for many women the need to protect their child kicks in with the changes to their hormones

Only you can make the decision but maybe just keep away from him and his family until you're sure. Make the decision that's right for you

There’s no shame in terminating an unwanted pregnancy. Your body, your choice.

But just on the off chance you do decide to keep it, you don’t HAVE to tell him. Him and his family tried to manipulate you and applied heavy emotional blackmail to get their own way. I wouldn’t consider him or them to be healthy role models for my baby.

I know it’s not the MN opinion but I would move away and raise the baby on my own without financial support from him, and without his input. I wouldn’t tell him or his shitty family. I’d let them think that you’ve terminated. Fuck them. Your child would be better off without that kind of person in their life.

of course that’s only if you decide to proceed. You have all the power here. Do what’s right for you. There’s no right or wrong. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong in deciding this pregnancy isn’t right for you and your existing child.

sending love.

Yes he and his family are wrong for trying to manipulate you. But don’t go round there.

it sounds like you are in a strange relationship with him anyway , he is an ex you are still sleeping with who is really living at home ?

ignore his family and just think of your future alone with him possibly being involved and how is that going to work. It’s really just your decision as you are not really a couple.

It’s not suss to discuss possible pregnancy with a sexual partner it’s very normal

I think from what you say, what they have done is unreasonable.

it is acceptable for him to say he wants nothing to do with the baby. But unacceptable for him and his family to try to make you have an abortion.

now you are stuck as you are no doubt finding it hard to decide if you want an abortion for your own reasons, or if you are getting one because of what they have said/told you to do.

Very shitty of him and his family

OP he doesn't want a baby, telling you that and saying that he would rather you terminate is perfectly reasonable, men are allowed to feel/think this, his mum getting involved isn't OK, how old are you all. The mum getting involved all sounds very teenage! Him also saying he wouldn't help financially is not OK, but I'm sorry, him not wanting a baby and saying he'd rather you have an abortion isn't really forcing you, ultimately it is your decision. Upthread you say you don't want a baby now either, and with no support from him, not being in a relationship, I'd say not to go ahead, as it seems the most practical solution. Where are you financially, can you afford a baby on your own?

Just to clarify, the OP has pointed out that she had a coil so can the 'suss' comments stop.

him not wanting a baby and saying he'd rather you have an abortion isn't really forcing you, ultimately it is your decision.

As I have said up thread, he is well within his rights to say he would rather I have an abortion. What has hurt me is that said he'd be with me if I terminated but he'd abandon me and the baby if I didn't and then cut all contact, to "force and manipulate" (his words) me into having an abortion.

Thank you for the responses. I am currently feeling no better, I have had a consultation for a termination but I have to have more counselling as they believe I may be being coerced into this by ExDP.

I am so sad and cross all the time.

I disagree. He can think and feel what he likes. He can even state he has no wish to be a father, but beyond that, he should remain silent and supportive while the OP decides.
A man has the right to decide if he wants a baby at the time he has sex, and then only. After that it's out of his hands, and rightfully so. Maybe if we stopped pandering round mens wishes about pregnancy they'd step up and take responsibility at the only time they are entitled to a choice.

Please don't take any notice of this, whoever posted it is utter scum.
Your ex-partner is in the wrong along with the rest of his family, they have tried to manipulate and control you and it is abusive.

You need to figure it out quickly.
You obviously can't rely on him or his family so you need to make your own decisions and stop making it about them.You are an adult and in control.

YANBU to feel as you do but don't go around there.

You need to totally extricate yourself from him and his toxic family. Block everywhere and remove them from your life. There is absolutely no point giving either of them a piece of your mind or expecting them to be in any way rational or considerate of your needs.

The quicker you draw a line under them the better.