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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband didn’t meet me

110 replies

Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 22:09

So this is a genuine AIBU, as I am quite annoyed but there is a niggling doubt I am indeed being unreasonable.

About 4 years ago, I was working at a local council and we were asked to work at polling stations for the day (optional). I agreed and this meant that I would be working till10.30 PM and then getting a train home. Getting me into the station at about 11.30. I had asked DH to meet me at the station because I was still struggling on crutches due to an illness and also I get scared walking home late on my own. He agreed.

DH went out with our friends and ended up not coming back until 6am in the morning. This has never happened before and I know who he was with so I am not worried about cheating. He also made me feel bad on the train,as if I was ruining their night. I even apologised.

I am annoyed that he didn’t meet me from the train, spent loads of money in a casino and let me down.

The reason that I bring this up four years later is he just brought it up as like a funny story. Which pissed me off!

AIBU

OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 18/07/2022 22:42

I don't think you are unreasonable.
My dh is a thoroughly decent person. However, the first birthday I had after my Dad died, he did worse than nothing. He bought a curry bag from the Supermarket. Didn't buy me flowers (my Dad always sent me flowers from a florist). I can still remember just how upset I was. It was the sheer lack of empathy.

LizzieSiddal · 18/07/2022 22:43

So to sum up -

You were on crutches and so probably worried about walking home alone at 11.30 at night.
He had told you he would meet you at the station.
He didn’t turn up to meet you and berated you when you phoned him up.
He didn’t come home until 6.30 the next morning having spent a lot of money on a casino.

No wonder you’re pissed off that he’s making a joke about it. He treated you dreadfully!

Original poster
Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 22:43

@@Iflyaway thats a bit harsh,I was asking advice about whether I should still be annoyed or not. And I suppose also to vent. I am not desperate. I am a successful person. While I have appreciated some of the advice given. I really think you should look at how you speak to people on the internet. Just because you are behind a screen doesn’t mean you aren’t causing hurt.

OP posts:
MsFrenchie · 18/07/2022 22:44

Iflyaway · 18/07/2022 22:36

about 11.30. I had asked DH to meet me at the station because I was still struggling on crutches due to an illness and also I get scared walking home late on my own. He agreed.

Yet, instead of keeping to his agreement he came home at 6 a.m. having blown a load of money in a casino.

I would have been pissed off WAY before 4 years hence.

And now he is bringing it up as a "funny story"?!

Fuck that.

Are you so desperate to have a man in your life that you put up with such disrespectful behaviour from someone who is supposed to love you?

Each to their own I guess.

There’s always one isn’t there?

Mumsgirls · 18/07/2022 22:45

Many years ago exchange and I were out separately and he failed to pick me up at 11.30 pm as agreed. Had to walk alone into town for taxi was terrified as a very young woman. Got in taxi and passed Chinese restaurant, our car was outside. Furious I carried on and went home, he rolled in later having ‘forgotten’
to pick me up. Knew then how unimportant I was to him and sure enough split within the year. He too saw the ‘ funny ‘ side I never did.

Mumsgirls · 18/07/2022 22:46

Sorry exchange meant to be ex dear husband

GiselleRose · 18/07/2022 22:52

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I think he was unkind not to meet you from the train and help you home (you were on crutches, the distance is irrelevant). And I think it was unkind of him to raise it now as an amusing anecdote when he ought to feel guilty that he let you down when you needed him.

DisappearingGirl · 18/07/2022 22:56

I think if it's part of a pattern of being unkind and unthinking then that's one thing.

If he's generally nice then you're still not wrong to be quietly annoyed but I'd probably let it go.

nocoolnamesleft · 18/07/2022 23:01

You were on crutches? YANBU.

Watchthesunrise · 18/07/2022 23:07

Taxi's have to take you. Even for short trips. Could've got a taxi?

Yes, you are unreasonable to have held a grudge about it for all this time.

Thatswhyimacat · 18/07/2022 23:14

Walking 5 minutes distance on crutches is very difficult!

Given he said he would do it and then bailed to drink and lose money, YWNBU. Now, well I'd be mildly annoyed at him finding it funny but 4 years on it's not worth it unless it's a pattern of behaviour.

Original poster
Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 23:23

@DisappearingGirl i think you’ve hit the nail on the head. He is generally nice, a good father and a good egg. I may continue to be quietly annoyed but I will know from this that it is possibly unreasonable!

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 18/07/2022 23:24

But op has said if it was other way around I wouldn’t come out to meet him, I suppose.

So wouldn't help him if he was the one in need?

Original poster
Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 23:30

MichelleScarn · 18/07/2022 23:24

But op has said if it was other way around I wouldn’t come out to meet him, I suppose.

So wouldn't help him if he was the one in need?

Okay, @MichelleScarn i have already acknowledged that I was being unreasonable. What more do you want from this?

Though thank you to all the people who gave advice etc, it was helpful.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 18/07/2022 23:36

Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 23:30

Okay, @MichelleScarn i have already acknowledged that I was being unreasonable. What more do you want from this?

Though thank you to all the people who gave advice etc, it was helpful.

Show quote history

Nothing? Not actually looking anything! Is this another thread where op only wants responses saying 'he's an arse how evil of him'

lastminutedotcom22 · 18/07/2022 23:37

Why have you wasted 4 years of your life after this lowlife did this wasting money and not coming to meet you on crutches

He sounds awful but you needed to have done something before now

Original poster
Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 23:42

@MichelleScarn absolutely not, he is a great person and I was upset about this event and asked what I thought was a supportive forum for their opinions. They were mixed but I accept all of them and appreciate them. I also acknowledged I was being unreasonable. You seem mean spirited and I feel sorry for you because you need to drag random people down on the internet. I hope it gives you some joy.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 18/07/2022 23:47

Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 23:42

@MichelleScarn absolutely not, he is a great person and I was upset about this event and asked what I thought was a supportive forum for their opinions. They were mixed but I accept all of them and appreciate them. I also acknowledged I was being unreasonable. You seem mean spirited and I feel sorry for you because you need to drag random people down on the internet. I hope it gives you some joy.

I'm actually a bit perplexed, it is a forum so people give their views. What exactly have I said that has triggered you to the extent that I'm 'mean spirited' I will admit that I do have this strange thing that I don't agree with everything that a poster says just because we share xx chromosomes...

whiteroseredrose · 18/07/2022 23:49

YANBU. It may only be a 5 minute walk, but it was late at night and you were nervous. And he agreed. Maybe you wouldn't have done the work if he had said no initially.

How far was Zara Aleena from home when she was murdered in Gants Hill?

onmobile · 18/07/2022 23:50

Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 23:42

@MichelleScarn absolutely not, he is a great person and I was upset about this event and asked what I thought was a supportive forum for their opinions. They were mixed but I accept all of them and appreciate them. I also acknowledged I was being unreasonable. You seem mean spirited and I feel sorry for you because you need to drag random people down on the internet. I hope it gives you some joy.

weird response

Arenanewbie · 19/07/2022 00:03

Maybe @Iflyaway was a bit harsh in her choice of words about you but not about your DH. He could refuse to meet you but he promised to do it when you felt vulnerable and then went drinking and completely forgot about you. And now it’s funny!
@GiselleRose is right that your DH is unkind, he might be nice generally (when it suits him probably) but he’s unkind.

The answer to your main question:
YABU to be annoyed still as it’s pointless however now you should be furious that your DH sees this as funny.

SherbertLemonDrop · 19/07/2022 00:15

Yabu it was a five minute walk, that's ridiculous you're not 5.

Iflyaway · 19/07/2022 00:17

@Tryhard87

I'm sorry if my words came across as harsh. I did not mean to hurt you by them.

I guess what I meant is that I would not put up with a significant other treating me with such disrespect.

I have had it in my life and won't put up with it anymore.

“People learn how to treat you based on what you accept from them.”

willithappen · 19/07/2022 00:28

Saying her partner is horrible and why is OP with him is ridiculous

OP, I'd have been annoyed, but equally aware that my partner had gotten carried away when out. I think it's fair your reaction and feelings but equally think his take on it is just as fair.

I'd try move on and let it be

MissMaple82 · 19/07/2022 00:46

Tryhard87 · 18/07/2022 22:14

On foot, to be fair only about 5 minutes walk.

Ffs get a grip

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