Family Seating at a Wedding

[CreateIt]

Hello-

My husband, son, and his partner recently attended a family wedding of a nephew on my husband's side of the family. My son flew in from quite a distance and his girlfriend came with him excited to meet extended family members, some for the first time.

When we came into the main hall we discovered planned seating for everyone. My husband and I were seated with his siblings, but my son and his girlfriend were seated quite a few tables away from the family tables. In fact, he was the only cousin on my husband's side of the family that was set aside in this way. All his cousins were seated together without him and this included some adult step-children. I was livid and my anger was obvious. To me, this was just one more of many ways my husband's family has passive-aggressively communicated to us that we are not a welcome part of his extended family. Things like this have happened time and again to us and our two adult children over many years.

Once the ceremony was over and the reception began. I shared my disappointment with my husband and then several others. This was simply the proverbial 'straw that broke my back'. Usually, I would have said nothing and 'pretended' all was well, but I am beyond that type of behavior now. Within the next week, my husband's sister, the mother of the groom called me. She told me she was aware of my being upset over this and she asked me to apologize to the groom and bride because they, the bride and groom, were also upset to learn of my disappointment and that I shared my feelings with others. While I agree that I should not have shared my feelings with anyone outside of my husband and son, I am torn about this apology, especially when it is not originating from a discussion with our nephew and his new wife. I also believe that I have a right to my feelings and perhaps we are the ones who deserve an apology in turn.

I would also like my husband to have our backs in this, but her prefers to remain silent and just let the storm pass. This has been his M.O. for over 35 years of marriage. He now refuses to discuss it.

I welcome your thoughts and feedback. Thank you for your consideration.

So what?

That's no excuse for the OP's behaviour.

She didn't have to attend a wedding full of family she felt had behaved badly to her over the years.

This feels like the equivalent of being annoyed at poor teaching of your child at school, but choosing to kick off at the fact they cut his sandwich into triangles instead of squares at lunchtime.

You slagged off the bride and groom at their own wedding. That's appalling behaviour. If they are so awful, why did you even bother going? If you were that offended you could have retained your dignity and left without dragging other people into it. Any high ground you had is completely gone.

*I was livid and my anger was obvious.

I shared my disappointment with my husband and then several others*

Wow. You behaved like this at a wedding because you were peeved at the seating plan?

This an adult man we are talking about, not a 7 year old who was put on a table with random strangers!

Your behaviour was very ill mannered. But I suspect the fact that you have started this thread means that you don’t have a lot of self-awareness or ability to reflect on your own shortcomings.
You owe the bride and groom an apology and your husband and probably even your son and his girlfriend. You put your family in an awkward situation because of your failure to keep your mouth shut. Really inappropriate and self-indulgent time to voice your thoughts.

In fact, he was the only cousin on my husband's side of the family that was set aside in this way. All his cousins were seated together without him and this included some adult step-children.

YANBU.

Sounds like you behaved absolutely appallingly.

Every weeding I’ve been to the split has been more age related than family related.

You behaved appallingly

this was just one more of many ways my husband's family has passive-aggressively communicated to us that we are not a welcome part of his extended family.

I imagine this won't be too much of an issue from now on!

All the other guests must have thought you were off your rocker.

It's not ok to cause drama at a wedding, ever. Yes, have a discrete moan at DH then plaster on a smile. I doubt the bride and groom thought "I know it will really piss off create if we put her son on a different table. Our wedding is definitely the place to piss her off". They probably just thought, can't fit all cousins this table. They might get on with Tom and Kate on table 4."

You behaved very badly.

I have been to lots of cousins weddings. I was recently sat at a table with much older couple because my cousin thought I would find them interesting! I was away from everyone my own age and am single. He was right - I actually made some good professional connections. I would have been mortified if my mum had gone round complaining that I didn’t get to sit at a good enough table!!

Apologise to the bride and groom. And maybe don’t go to weddings if you dislike the couple!

Goodness, that's a lot of fuss about something so spectacularly trivial!

Your behaviour was atrocious.

Is ‘I am well beyond that type of behaviour now’ code for ‘rude’? Because that’s what you were.

It’s okay to be annoyed about something but it’s poor form to criticise the bride and groom at their wedding. You really aren’t owed an apology from them.

One presumes your ds is an adult to have flown in, and be attending with his girlfriend?

And you made your anger known at a wedding? your anger at where your ADULT ds sat?

Yeah, this could be why he lives abroad

Ah. The username might be a clue about this thread.

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD APOLOGISE! You were incredibly rude to even mention it at the wedding! DH and I were seated separately to everyone else in our friendship group at his friends wedding while 2 of the brides friends were sat with our friends, but we never felt the need to bitch and moan about it! The meal lasts 1-2 hours, hardly the end of the world!

I call reverse

It sounds like there is an absolutely massive backstory here.

You clearly don’t like these people. If DH won’t step up then stop attending their events. He can go alone.

Maybe rather than worry if this was the right or wrong thing to do I take it as a sign not to spend much time with them. It's not good to be around people that bring out these sorts of situations.

You say how ‘ all of his cousins’ were on this table, well maybe there wasn’t any room for him?? How big were the bloody tables! A lot of venues say maximum 12 per table, it’s hard enough to organise for couples. They paid for food for your entire family and you kicked off where you were sitting to ‘ several guests’ 😳quite frankly, you sound awful. Your husband is being quiet rather than admitting your a spoilt brat and have embarrassed him in front of his entire family. Grow up. The whole wedding does not revolve round you and your son.

Sorry but you do not bitch about a wedding at a wedding

You behaved appallingly and acted like a brat, you certainly won’t be welcome at any future family events!

Ouch - you were rude.
The bride and groom will have had their reasons for the seating plan. It is not your place as a guest to question it unless there was a major problem such as the couple being separated from each other.