That he should have bought me food too

[hungrybellynomnom]

We both wake up, I always get a coffee in the morning, he isn't really bothered by coffee but I ask him and he says he doesn't want one.

I ask to borrow his car, he says no because of the petrol. This annoyed me as it's not a long drive and I top up the petrol occasionally. I say I'm off to get it and going to the gym after. I couldn't go to the gym as the whole road/pavement was blocked off, so I go back home. I see him in his car eating food looking shifty - he had gone out to get food. I was upset that he hadn't offered to get me any or even just call to find out. He switches it on me and says that he hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday and I hadn't offered to feed him, and as I was getting a coffee I wouldn't be hungry (makes no sense), and also that his head was really hurting him so he just had to go out immediately and his final reason was because I was going to the gym, I wouldn't be hungry...

I always consider him with food, always make him meals and if I know he's coming will make sure he's fed. Last night we were both hungry but it was too late to make food so we had snacks.

Aibu to feel hurt he didn't think of me and think he's quite selfish?!

Why are you trying to police my comments on a public forum?

Too stressful
Throw this one back
He’s not enhancing your life

It just seems a rubbish relationship for both of you with neither of you having consideration for the other, with him appearing to have less.

why do you have no food in the house?
Why can't he go and get food when he's hungry instead of waiting an hour for you?
If you were hungry before the gym, why didn;t you eat,
You both sound like hard work teenagers

How selfish and uncaring
Tit for Tat is very juvenile
You deserve someone kind and considerate
He isn't

Why continue to waste time with him? I'd either hash it out with him and see if he wants to make changes or tell him it's not working. I can't see why you'd want to invest further time and emotion in a relationship with someone who seems so uncaring.

I'd be interested to hear his side of this story

But I don't understand why he was eating in his car, unless he bought hot food and wanted to eat it before it went cold

I 100% agree with you.

The tightness repulses me. I could never be with a man who begrudged buying me food or lending me his car.

As for saying no to you borrowing his car because you were 'stroppy' what's that supposed to mean? He was punishing you? Weird and wrong IMO.

Unless he changes this behaviour and starts treating you better, I wouldn't stick around if I was you.

I could make a coffee in the morning myself too, but it would just be a shit instant one. A shop-bought frothy coffee, preferably Chai, would be much nicer.

So he doesn't contribute to the food he eats, the electric he uses, the hot water he uses while staying with you. But sneaks off to stuff his face using petrol in his car he said he didn't want you using.

Sounds like he's all he is quite happy to take from you but won't return the favour. Does he pick shopping up if you ask him to? Or contribute some money to gas and electric that he uses when you're skint? What you call tight as a crab's a*se.

Do you stay at his and same applies?

Cocklodger stamped all over him. He is using you. You can choose to moan about it, or ditch the leech.

A man being caught while eating in his car to hide the fact he's bought himself some food and none for you is about the most unappealing thing I can think of. Selfish but also sort of pathetic and weak.

OTOH everything in the original post makes it sound as if the pair of you are living through a famine or, at the least, a Soviet style food shortage where getting some food is a major task requiring a huge amount of time and effort rather than, say, going into the kitchen and making a slice of toast. It all sounds like awfully hard work all round.

@scoobydoo1971 isn't the OP also using him? She knows she doesn't want to stick around long term in this relationship but it will do for now - unless she's told her boyfriend this then she is using him. And selling her car, saving all the costs, but then expecting to be able to borrow her boyfriend's car whenever she wants is cheeky.

You don't sound compatible or considerate of each other. It won't end up well.

This sounds like one of those things that isnnot about the thing. The issue for you is that he is tight and is happy for you to subsidise for him without giving anything jn return. Fair enough. Your examples right now do not exactly show this but I'm sure there is a lot more in the background which makes this jnto an issue. So time to move on.

Christ, it's hardly love's young dream isn't it? It sounds miserable and also somehow unrelentingly dull, all of it.

Pissing off in someone else’s car to get yourself a coffee and go to the gym is no less self-centred than going off in your own car to buy yourself food - in fact, I’d say it’s more self-centred. Why should he hang around waiting for his selfish girlfriend to get her lazy arse in his car to get herself something she knows he doesn’t like while he sits around waiting for her, hungry and carless? If the OP never buys herself food with her coffee, it’s not unreasonable of him to think she either gets full upon coffee or has disordered eating habits he shouldn’t always have to share in. The whole scenario is just ridiculous from beginning to end.

I don’t get how he’s the tight one. You sold your car and want to borrow his with only occasionally topping up the petrol.

The OP hasn't confirmed anything about who usually pays for groceries, whether he contributes to her bills or how much time they spend at each other's places. She's just made a vague comment that he's tight and didn't want to buy her food (that she wouldn't have been there to eat anyway, if she'd actually gone to the gym).

Out of curiosity OP, are you insured to drive his car and who pays for that?

he hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday and I hadn't offered to feed him

How tiresome. He sounds like a child.

Usually because they bought it from a fast food restaurant with a drive through.

Dump him. Move on.

OP.

Life's too short for shit relationships.

It's that simple really.

Oh and to be clear, I don't think he was unreasonable as you literally weren't there to eat with and he knew you were going to a coffee shop so presumably would have grabbed something to eat there if you were hungry.

It just sounds like an immature and bit of a rubbish relationship from what you've said 🤷🏻‍♀️

Me too! All the stuff about you not feeding him is just wtf but the actual incident - deciding to go and get himself a McDonald's breakfast or whatever - that's not a crime is it there's zero chance I'd buy anything for DH to eat while I'm getting if he wasn't at home.

It also sounds like you think you're doing him a favour putting petrol in the car occasionally but borrowing it quite frequently 🤔

Anyway, maybe you should make it a new rule...neither of you is responsible for feeding the other.