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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That he should have bought me food too

125 replies

hungrybellynomnom · 16/07/2022 13:25

We both wake up, I always get a coffee in the morning, he isn't really bothered by coffee but I ask him and he says he doesn't want one.

I ask to borrow his car, he says no because of the petrol. This annoyed me as it's not a long drive and I top up the petrol occasionally. I say I'm off to get it and going to the gym after. I couldn't go to the gym as the whole road/pavement was blocked off, so I go back home. I see him in his car eating food looking shifty - he had gone out to get food. I was upset that he hadn't offered to get me any or even just call to find out. He switches it on me and says that he hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday and I hadn't offered to feed him, and as I was getting a coffee I wouldn't be hungry (makes no sense), and also that his head was really hurting him so he just had to go out immediately and his final reason was because I was going to the gym, I wouldn't be hungry...

I always consider him with food, always make him meals and if I know he's coming will make sure he's fed. Last night we were both hungry but it was too late to make food so we had snacks.

Aibu to feel hurt he didn't think of me and think he's quite selfish?!

OP posts:

FawnFrenchieMum · 16/07/2022 13:48

You both sound petty and hard work.

BorisJohnsonsHair · 16/07/2022 13:55

I'm still struggling with the concept of going out to buy coffee when you wake up.

girlmom21 · 16/07/2022 13:58

BorisJohnsonsHair · 16/07/2022 13:55

I'm still struggling with the concept of going out to buy coffee when you wake up.

To a coffee shop that doesn't serve food of any description, apparently

EVHead · 16/07/2022 14:05

FFS what people make dramas out of!

AhNowTed · 16/07/2022 14:05

Whatever about food, the petrol would be a dealbreaker for me.

Can't be doing with a skinflint. Will suck the joy out of anything.

BinBandit · 16/07/2022 14:08

crabbitmaw · 16/07/2022 13:32

He said no to you using his car because he knew he was going to need his car to go get HIMSELF food. Dump him.

Exactly this.

OP: I'm going to get a coffee would you like something?
Dickhead: No.

should have been:

OP: I'm going to get a coffee would you like something?
Dickhead: I'm actually pretty hungry so fancy getting something for breakfast. Do you want to do that instead of coffee? or I'm actually pretty hungry, could you bring back something while you are out? Take the car if you want...

justforthisnow · 16/07/2022 14:14

DoingJustFine · 16/07/2022 13:30

Why was he eating in his car??

I wouldn't have bought someone food while they were in the gym, I don't think? But this whole situation sounds dramatic and slightly odd (why didn't you eat last night?) so I think it's probably not a love affair that they'll write songs about in the future.

Summed up best in the final sentence above 🤣, definitely stealing that line! OP, get rid. It all sounds like very hard work. And consider a decent coffee machine to have at home. It'll cost less than 1 years takeaway coffees.

Original poster

hungrybellynomnom · 16/07/2022 14:17

He is a tight arse and I think he just didn't want to pay for food for me!

For those unclear, I walked to the coffee shop as he wouldn't let me borrow car

I have reflected and think I was stroppy as he said no to the car. I guess I have a bit of entitlement there where I feel like he should have just let me as I would do the same for him and it's not going to break the bank!

OP posts:

billy1966 · 16/07/2022 14:18

You know he is tight and mean and eats at yours.

He knew exactly what he was planning, food for himself, the minute you were out the door.

Raise your bar or this is the type you will end up as.

I never understand why women give and give to mean men.

He eats at yours regularly?

You know he is tight, so don't be used.

Sirzy · 16/07/2022 14:19

Have you seen the cost of petrol recently? It was a short walkable journey exactly the type you shouldn’t be using a car for!

CallOnMe · 16/07/2022 14:20

If my DH went out to get a coffee and go to the gym I'd expect him to buy his own food if he was hungry.

I agree!

I don’t understand you literally went to a coffee shop to buy a coffee and would obviously get food if you were hungry. He knew you weren’t coming back for a while so what did you expect him to do just sit there being hungry until you returned?

Sounds like you enjoy making a drama out of nothing.

slashlover · 16/07/2022 14:30

So you have a car OP? Why did you not just takes yours then?

TempName01 · 16/07/2022 14:31

I do think he is being a dick, when you asked if he wanted a coffee he should have said can you grab me something to eat please. However he didn’t want you to have the car as he had obviously planned to go get himself a McMuffin as soon as you left and he didn’t want to buy you one.

2bazookas · 16/07/2022 14:31

You're well matched.

Original poster

hungrybellynomnom · 16/07/2022 14:32

Re the gym thing - I'd have been half an hour in the gym and then back home - hungry. To give you the context, we normally eat all meals together. We are normally at mine and during the day I'd feed us and make breakfast/lunch or we would go out together and get something.

OP posts:

LionKween · 16/07/2022 14:33

Do you go out and buy a coffee every morning? Why don’t you just make it at home?
Must add up a lot over a year.. 😳

LionKween · 16/07/2022 14:35

And he said no to using his car..? What sort of relationship is that.

CustardySergeant · 16/07/2022 14:35

As far as he knew, you were at the gym, so why would he have got food for you? He knew you were going for coffee first (i.e. before the gym) and could get food at the same place if you wanted it.

Original poster

hungrybellynomnom · 16/07/2022 14:35

I enjoy my daily coffee shop bought oat latte - I tried the at home stuff and don't like it. I can afford it.

I don't drive - sold my car earlier this year.

Agreed it's so petty!!! It's just really annoyed me.

OP posts:

LionKween · 16/07/2022 14:37

Ok fair enough with the coffee. I think he sounds petty as hell op. Stingy. Especially if you normally eat together.

Original poster

hungrybellynomnom · 16/07/2022 14:39

And I never get food from the coffee shop, he knows this. We would ordinarily sort food together.

He has just said he didn't give me the car today because I was stroppy - which is another bullshit lie because I woke him up with hugs and kisses! He's also now offering to buy me food and take us out in his car and apologising.

Honestly. He's showing me his colours and im not ready to LTB now but there are some things about him that I don't like and im not trying to stay in this situation forever!

OP posts:

Walkaround · 16/07/2022 14:40

Why didn’t you get food at the cafe if you were hungry? Were you really planning to have a coffee, go to the gym and then come home without having eaten? And didn’t you have food or coffee in the house? Yes, he was selfish and self-centred, greedy and lazy to drive off to buy himself food while you were out, having told you not to borrow the car because of the petrol cost. He was applying different rules to you to the ones he applied to himself. However, you both clearly had different plans for the morning and it’s not his fault you gave up on the gym idea and walked home instead, so why should he have thought to ask you if you wanted food too, when you were supposed to be in the gym?

Loveisnotloving · 16/07/2022 14:40

You sound about 12.

Pumpkintopf · 16/07/2022 14:41

How long have you been dating? I presume you don't live together? Honestly he sounds a PITA, I'd dump him.

chiffchaffchiff · 16/07/2022 14:42

Did you get rid of your car on the assumption you could just use his for free anyway?

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