Infertility is my choice

[whattheactualfck]

My friend has told me that infertility is a choice. That choice is basically tough shit - I chose to want to have a baby but struggling so tough shit. Women aren't entitled to help as it's a choice rather than a life-changing illness.

I know they don't understand the severity of infertility and the heartbreak it causes but I can't believe they've just said this to me when they know everything about my situation.

I do not choose infertility and would not wish this torture on anybody. The entire point of this is that I HAVE NO CHOICE!!!! My 'choice' has been taken away from me due to physical illness resulting in infertility. My choice has gone. I can choose to ATTEMPT ivf but with no guarantee.

What on earth do I do or say to that one?!

I can have I feel as if 99.9% not going to work so
i actually don’t have a choice. She’s a muppet who needs a slap.

@Blueroses99

Thank you.

People who aren't suffering from infertility think it's so simple to advise adoption, accepting that you are infertile and not even trying fertility treatments etc. yet would never take their own advice if they were in the same situation. It's so frustrating.

Anyone that's had to go through the pain of infertility would never say it's a choice. I'd be ditching this 'friend' and not speaking to them again for saying something so hurtful. I've been through infertility and I know how soul-destroying it can be when you want a baby so much. I'm sorry OP and wish you the best of luck.

If she genuinely said and meant "infertility is a choice" then she is so unbelievably thick I'm amazed she can dress herself.

Infertility clearly isn't a choice 99% of the time. The only time I could see it being a genuine choice is if you had been sterilised by choice. It could possibly be viewed as choice albeit a very unpleasant forced one where it would be unkind to suggest it was a choice if someone's infertility arose due to essential medical treatment or due to unavoidable circumstance (not meeting someone until you are older or being in a same sex relationship).

Where there is choice is what you do about infertility. Undergoing investigations and treatment for infertility is a choice. You can choose to deal with your infertility in a different way, pointing that out isn't wrong.

If she is generally a decent person perhaps think carefully about what she actually said and the context. If she's generally a dick ditch her.

Infertility clearly isn't a choice 99% of the time. The only time I could see it being a genuine choice is if you had been sterilised by choice.

You’re right, that is literally the only way it makes sense.
I couldn’t be friends with someone like that - apart from being insensitive and cruel, how do hold a conversation about anything with someone so thick that they don’t understand the concept of choice. I wonder what other bodily functions she considers as ‘choices’. If you do ever invite her round again I’d offer her a massive mug of tea and later when she tries to go to the bathroom I would refuse her and say ‘peeing is a choice…’ We certainly have more ‘choices’ when it comes to using our bladders than we do our ovaries.

So she didn't say infertility was a choice but that having children is a choice?

@LuckyLil

No.

She's dumber and less sensitive than a sacker of spanners.

( And I say that as someone who's been very lucky and not suffered infertility).