Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour is outright rude

109 replies

3pteepee · 16/07/2022 00:05

We bought our house a year back and have never spoken or seen our neighbours on one side. Today we had some guests over and we were chatting on our patio furniture from about 7-9pm as it was too hot indoors. We have a detached house but neighbour was in her garden too and suddenly around 9pm started yelling about us being so loud and always shouting, never talking and being very annoying. When she said it we immediately said we apologise if you’re getting disturbed we’ll move inside in few minutes. She went on shouting and sprayed water with hose on our guests and my elderly parents. We were shocked and embarrassed in front of our guests. We never have guests outdoors except few summer weekends and are usually quite during the day, may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime. We don’t drink or party in the garden/barbecue or play loud music ever. I’m so scarred by this crazy rude behaviour that I feel like moving far away from the lady. Am I being unreasonable in thinking I need to complain about her to local services?

OP posts:
CallOnMe · 16/07/2022 08:43

we immediately said we apologise if you’re getting disturbed we’ll move inside in few minutes.

YABU

If my neighbour complain about how loud I was being I would have apologised and gone straight indoors and then carried on chatting.

Saying you’ll be going in in a few minutes was rude and I don’t know why you would stay out there talking and being loud when someone has just asked you not to, even just for a “few minutes”.

For that reason I can guarantee you acted ruder than how you’ve come across on here.

WinterMusings · 16/07/2022 08:44

Drop drip drip

it sounds like she has issues that the son is trying to deal with. Why don't you go and talk to him?

billy1966 · 16/07/2022 08:47

flumposie · 16/07/2022 07:36

Please report this. I can't see it being an isolated incident.

Absolutely this.

I think this is very serious and should not be ignored.

This is not normal behaviour.
It was 9pm at night.

Ring 101 for advice.

Mellowyellow222 · 16/07/2022 08:48

CallOnMe · 16/07/2022 08:43

we immediately said we apologise if you’re getting disturbed we’ll move inside in few minutes.

YABU

If my neighbour complain about how loud I was being I would have apologised and gone straight indoors and then carried on chatting.

Saying you’ll be going in in a few minutes was rude and I don’t know why you would stay out there talking and being loud when someone has just asked you not to, even just for a “few minutes”.

For that reason I can guarantee you acted ruder than how you’ve come across on here.

But it was 9pm

they were talking in their garden at 9pm. They were probably laughing too and it probably was a bit loud: but that’s okay at 9pm. Socialising in the garden is allowed. Playing music lousy is awful - but this was people talking.

I can absolutely understand going in immediately if it was 11pm. But surely 9pm is fine. People cut the grass etc up to 8pm in my neighbourhood.

SexyLittleNosferatu · 16/07/2022 08:48

Behave 🤣

GabriellaMontez · 16/07/2022 08:51

flumposie · 16/07/2022 07:36

Please report this. I can't see it being an isolated incident.

This.

Her behaviour is totally unacceptable and out of proportion.

theremustonlybeone · 16/07/2022 08:52

is her son an adult? She does sound like my old neighbour. She would sit in her garden with her adult son for hours when he would visit.

to add she had been like this for years. She was a nasty woman who ended up being reported to the police. When she started spraying a few of the neighbours as some gardens backed onto hers it became known she used to target other neighbours. Sending anonymous letters to various neighbours. She sent vicious letters to a couple who rented comparing her kids to the SOHAM girls. When I had a year of these letters I bumped into a neighbour and found out about her . I contacted the police and they mentioned her by name as she was known. So I went round and confronted her, she stood fumbling in her door way, trying to suggest it wasn’t her. Then started talking about machine noise on a Sunday and how it interfered with her use of the garden . I said it’s normal for people to mow there lawns, kids do make noise and there are a lot of families here. She never admitted it was her and tried to suggest others had mentioned our family. I told her it was nonsense as I had walked down her street and knocked on various neighbours doors who confirmed they had received letters. Police involvement etc and sprayed due to ‘noise’ when on the rare occasion they decided to have a BBQ with friends.

This lady had been a well respected teacher at a local private school and tutored DC in her home. She wasn’t ancient either and was around late 50s when she started on me. She had been like this with neighbours for years. We all cheered when she finally moved and hoped she got herself a detached property somewhere!

Hope it’s not her as she is a nightmare. Report the incident to the police via 101

PinkPanther50 · 16/07/2022 09:00

I think you are unreasonable for having lived there a year and never spoken to your neighbours. How rude. Surely one of the first things you do when you move in to a house is say hi to your neighbours.

CallOnMe · 16/07/2022 09:02

they were talking in their garden at 9pm.
They were probably laughing too and it probably was a bit loud: but that’s okay at 9pm. Socialising in the garden is allowed.
Playing music lousy is awful - but this was people talking.

I agree but this was the first time they’d ever met the neighbour and the first time she’s ever complained so by just apologising and going indoors would have solved all of the fallout instead of being passive aggressive and OP saying they’ll go in later.

OP has said they have loud evenings and she posted at midnight and it’s not clear what time the friends left, so they could be genuinely loud quite regularly and the neighbour just snapped.

GabriellaMontez · 16/07/2022 09:05

If my neighbour complain about how loud I was being I would have apologised and gone straight indoors and then carried on chatting.

More fool you. Chatting in the garden at 9 pm on a summers evening is perfectly reasonable. I don't know why you think the neighbour is reasonable to impose curfew!

Theglowofcandles · 16/07/2022 09:12

Report her to the police and no do not ever tell anyone to speak quietly because it's 8/9pm. How ridiculous.

Georgeskitchen · 16/07/2022 09:16

It's assault. Contact the polis

Houseplantmad · 16/07/2022 09:20

OFGS, don’t you think the police have enough to be dealing with? Don’t offload it on to them - deal with it yourself in an appropriately firm manner. Talk to her.

I despair of this country always running to the police. An assault…with water? Give me a break.

ttacticall · 16/07/2022 09:21

milkyaqua · 16/07/2022 01:19

Turning the hose on you and your guests like you were cats or dogs is a bit much. However, her problem with you is quite clear.

neighbour was in her garden too and suddenly around 9pm started yelling about us being so loud and always shouting, never talking and being very annoying.

may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime

Whether or not you have ever had a loud party, it seems you are loud people. Some people do seem to have no dimmer volume on their voices, and a noisy few hours daily with loud voices and a 5 year old is probably the real problem, and the loud conversation in the yard was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Exactly. This didn't come out of the blue, you've been annoying her for a long time and she couldn't take it any more. She snapped.

ZarquonsSandals · 16/07/2022 09:23

She would love my neighborhood. One family with small children who seem to enjoy playing in the garden late afternoon- and by playing I mean screaming.
Another family with a baby who is encouraged to 'cry it out'. They also argue loudly and frequently and decided this morning at 1am to have a loud telephone conversation in the garden (essentially below our bedroom window.

NellesVilla · 16/07/2022 09:27

Sorry, OP but the water spraying comment cracked me up- your neighbour is an absolute nutcase! As someone on the spectrum, neighbour noise drives me nuts but I know it’s my issue and people are allowed to enjoy their gardens (currently fortunately living in fairly quiet place!).

Like other PPs, I’d have said a friendly chat over coffee would’ve been the way forward before, but I think it’s gone too far for that now and I’d be sending a note similar to this:

Dear Neighbour,

I appreciate that everyday noise may be annoying to some, but we are entitled to quiet enjoyment of our home. Last night we were doing just this at a reasonable hour.

Your ‘solution’ of verbally abusing us, followed by soaking us with water, was- I’m sure you will now agree on reflection- a totally unacceptable method to deal with any issue you felt had arisen.

At the very least- I’m sure you’ll agree- an apology is warranted.

If there is any further disruption/threat to our lives, we will have to take further action for your behaviour.

It is worth noting- before you police the street in future ‘incidents’- that reasonable neighbour noise is accepted between the hours of 7am-11pm.

Signed

@3pteepee

MrsPear · 16/07/2022 09:28

I would have called the police. What she did was assault: you did nothing wrong. The law is clear. If she or anyone else on this thread don’t like people then move to the middle of nowhere and wallow in your misery.

I can’t believe people are suggesting you are wrong in the summer to hold a dinner party and have conversations in your own back garden. Some people are nuts.

GabriellaMontez · 16/07/2022 09:29

Houseplantmad · 16/07/2022 09:20

OFGS, don’t you think the police have enough to be dealing with? Don’t offload it on to them - deal with it yourself in an appropriately firm manner. Talk to her.

I despair of this country always running to the police. An assault…with water? Give me a break.

Yes she sounds perfectly reasonable I'm sure she'll respond to a 'firm manner'!!

Alliswells · 16/07/2022 09:30

Seriously cannot believe the posters excusing the neighbour and criticising the OP for chatting in her garden with her elderly parents !!!

Your poor parents... I am sure you were mortified.

milkyaqua · 16/07/2022 09:30

3pteepee · 16/07/2022 08:34

@milkyaqua I am amused at how many assumptions you’ve made about us 😀. We’re a family of 3, me and DH work full time, often long hours so are extremely quiet most of the time. The few loud hours in the evening are really mostly indoors as it is cold and we have a modern sound proof house. And the loud hours doesn’t mean it’s a shouting match - it’s telling DS to get into the bath etc. I can say with confidence we’re not “loud people” but the point of this thread is not to justify that. And your assumption that we casually said sorry we’ll move in a bit is also ridiculous. She almost instantly sprayed on us without giving us even a few seconds to react. I appreciate you are playing the devils advocate but even if all your assumptions were true her behaviour is very rude! The neighbours son stepped in after she sprayed us saying you shouldn’t have done it please apologise, and she said why should I? The only benefit of the doubt I can give her is that she is an old lady who is having a generally hard time in life (probably unwell) but we’re very happy to consider that and amend our behaviour IF GIVEN A CHANCE and if asked in a civil manner!

Oh, OP, you took your time to drop the "old" card, your trump card apparently. But no! There was a joker in the pack: "And then her son said..."

And your assumption that we casually said sorry we’ll move in a bit is also ridiculous.

That was not an assumption. I was taking you at your word in your opening post: When she said it we immediately said we apologise if you’re getting disturbed we’ll move inside in few minutes.

Sapphirejane · 16/07/2022 09:32

Puffalicious · 16/07/2022 02:27

Her behaviour is not on!

However, maybe you are really loud? We have neighbours a few doors along who are SO loud. They do shout at each other constantly, and their children/ extended family are the same (and outside late). DH thinks it's a cultural difference and we need to suck it up, but it drives me mad.

I agree with this. We have neighbours who just live their life at volume 11 and probably have no idea. They are nice enough, they are just LOUD. Even getting into the car it’s HAVE YOU REMEMBERED THE BAG? NO, SHALL I GET IT? and so on. Now they have an equally loud dog who barks a lot, probably to be heard over the noise of the house.

The OP’s neighbours behaviour is really not on, but I wouldn’t report her for assault over one incident of hose spraying. I doubt the police will care anyway. Try and repair your relationship if possible, you have to live next door for a while yet.

itsgettingweird · 16/07/2022 09:44

She is completely rude.

It was 9pm.

You are chatting. And even if the laughing for loud - it's 9pm!!!!!

And trust me - I know how loud people can sound I. Their gardens at 9pm when you want leave and quiet.

Ds and I get up every day at 4am as he's a swimmer. We got to bed at 9pm which is difficult in this heat and light. And not easy when people all around are calling off in their gardens and chatting or having BBQs.

But we have to deal with it because it's 9pm!!!!!

I'm amazed the number of entitled people on here who think the NDN may have had a point and think they have a right to shush neighbours up in the evening for being outside.

Whatever00 · 16/07/2022 09:46

It's actually assault. Call the police and report it.

SunnieShine · 16/07/2022 09:54

milkyaqua · 16/07/2022 01:19

Turning the hose on you and your guests like you were cats or dogs is a bit much. However, her problem with you is quite clear.

neighbour was in her garden too and suddenly around 9pm started yelling about us being so loud and always shouting, never talking and being very annoying.

may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime

Whether or not you have ever had a loud party, it seems you are loud people. Some people do seem to have no dimmer volume on their voices, and a noisy few hours daily with loud voices and a 5 year old is probably the real problem, and the loud conversation in the yard was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I agree, that's likely the root of it.

Of course her reaction was unreasonable, but she probably knows that.

I'd ignore the posters telling you to report her. You have to life next door to her, they don't. And its horrible feeling uncomfortable in your own home.

So perhaps go next door and apologise for the noise. (Yes, I know...) And say you prefer to get on with your neighbours.

Its not giving in - its taking control. And a better outcome for you.

Abra1d1 · 16/07/2022 10:01

Tiani4 · 16/07/2022 02:51

Whether or not you have ever had a loud party, it seems you are loud people. Some people do seem to have no dimmer volume on their voices, and a noisy few hours daily with loud voices and a 5 year old is probably the real problem, and the loud conversation in the yard was the straw that broke the camel's back.

ConfusedHmm

OP hasn't said they were being loud nor her guests were being loud. Where do you get this from? It was 7-9pm as a one off having guests over that they don't usually.

I am hard of hearing so my voice can carry sometimes. When sat outside (I'm in bed by 9.30pm and rarely have people over either) do you think I should be sprayed by a neighbour with their hose? In my own garden? Because I'm talking ??! Id call the police of a neighbour did this on purpose , as a hate (disability) crime as it really isn't ok.

may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime.