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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour is outright rude

109 replies

3pteepee · 16/07/2022 00:05

We bought our house a year back and have never spoken or seen our neighbours on one side. Today we had some guests over and we were chatting on our patio furniture from about 7-9pm as it was too hot indoors. We have a detached house but neighbour was in her garden too and suddenly around 9pm started yelling about us being so loud and always shouting, never talking and being very annoying. When she said it we immediately said we apologise if you’re getting disturbed we’ll move inside in few minutes. She went on shouting and sprayed water with hose on our guests and my elderly parents. We were shocked and embarrassed in front of our guests. We never have guests outdoors except few summer weekends and are usually quite during the day, may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime. We don’t drink or party in the garden/barbecue or play loud music ever. I’m so scarred by this crazy rude behaviour that I feel like moving far away from the lady. Am I being unreasonable in thinking I need to complain about her to local services?

OP posts:
PreggieGoldilocks86 · 16/07/2022 00:18

I’d perhaps try to chat to her to see what the issues are before getting local services involved.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 16/07/2022 00:24

Generally she was very unreasonable but are you a group who talk loud?

We have really nice next door but one neighbours but they talk SO loud when they are outside. Yesterday I heard them making their shopping list, Mum was moaning at her DS about him never doing his homework and at the weekend they were outside all evening talking loud.

I have no issue with neighbour noise in general if it's reasonable, we live in a built up area and it is inevitable but some people just don't know how to regulate the volume of normal conversation when they are outside.

Original poster
3pteepee · 16/07/2022 00:31

I am all for taking feedback and regulating voices if she finds us too loud (I don’t think we’re louder than an average family with young children, and we’re not out in the garden often). But this was the first time she raised this as an issue and went on to spray water even after we apologised. It’s just left me feeling so bad and gloomy about living freely in the house henceforth

OP posts:
Abitofalark · 16/07/2022 00:35

No wonder you are shocked. Spraying water on people is not only not acceptable - it's an actual attack in the nature of a criminal act and you would be well within your rights to report it to the police and demand that they treat it as such. If evidenced as witnessed by your guests and parents, the police might well take steps; it could be stern words of warning to the offender or beyond that, perhaps an official caution or possibly some sort of behaviour order.

Tiani4 · 16/07/2022 00:37

Hold on? She sprayed water over the fence at you and your guests? That's an assault!!
What madness is this?

You didn't say you n your guests were shouting at each other you were taking in your garden as you are perfectly allowed to at 9pm

Your NDN is mad and intolerant

I would keep any extra noise down but live your life reasonabl
Or she sprays you again with her water hose, ring the police on her. Get a crime number on her and tell police it was in your elderly parents and second time she has done this. They will have a word with her as that's a step too far.

UrsulaBursula · 16/07/2022 00:39

I would report her for anti social behaviour

TeapotTitties · 16/07/2022 00:40

This is not a serious question is it? 😂

Yelling, shouting and turning a hose on your guests and elderly parents is errrrm pretty rude, yes.

Tiani4 · 16/07/2022 00:40

No yanbu

It is a police matter as it is a criminal offence - so don't be scared to use your garden. If she does it again report her for both times. Take photos videos whatever you can immediately and get in the phone at same time with you saying to her stop this so that police can hear as well as see later your contemporaneous video of what she was doing whilst you were on phone to them

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 16/07/2022 00:41

She's not reasonable. If it had been 3am and you were partying hard, I'd have some sympathy although she would still be wrong. Chatting at 9pm? Not a chance.

Tiani4 · 16/07/2022 00:49

OP you can report her to the police for this first instance
You have witnesses

It's up to you but it is pretty shocking behaviour and of course hosing down people in their own or their friends garden is an assault! It's bizarre she thinks it was ok

How did she actually spray you? Was she pretending to water some plants and a mist came over your side (with some deniability it was intended) ? or did she proper turn her hose on you in your own garden ?

Original poster
3pteepee · 16/07/2022 00:51

She said so annoying I’m going to spray water on you and went ahead and did it.

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 16/07/2022 00:56

That’s assault and I’d be reporting her for it.

Being outside from 7-9 chatting is not ridiculous unless you are yelling your heads off. She was beyond rude.

NumberTheory · 16/07/2022 01:01

That’s pretty outrageous. YANBU to think it’s unacceptable behaviour. I would start by reporting to police if you have a neighborhood team or something. It’s technically common assault (not that I think it should be pursued as such, but it’s definitely reason for you to want some form of intervention). If the police won’t, does your council have a neighbour dispute team or something similar?

It’s such out of left field behaviour that I would wonder about mental health issues of some sort and it may be that there is already a team somewhere aware of her. If so council or police should be able to connect with them.

TooManyPJs · 16/07/2022 01:11

That is unbelievable. Definitely report to the police. Regardless of you were doing her behaviour was unacceptable.

milkyaqua · 16/07/2022 01:19

Turning the hose on you and your guests like you were cats or dogs is a bit much. However, her problem with you is quite clear.

neighbour was in her garden too and suddenly around 9pm started yelling about us being so loud and always shouting, never talking and being very annoying.

may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime

Whether or not you have ever had a loud party, it seems you are loud people. Some people do seem to have no dimmer volume on their voices, and a noisy few hours daily with loud voices and a 5 year old is probably the real problem, and the loud conversation in the yard was the straw that broke the camel's back.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 16/07/2022 01:21

She sounds nuts and so unhinged, who sprays water on people for talking outside on a hot summer night. It was not late and I never get annoyed if upstairs are chatty as usually ends around 12 on a sat night. Give and take as otherwise so good and quiet. I would be having stern words with her or putting it in writing and would say you will report her as you cannot go around spraying water on people.

mungomidgeandmary · 16/07/2022 01:27

You apologised and said you were going inside. To have then sprayed you and your guests with water was really crossing the line of acceptable behaviour.

StEthelburgaRose · 16/07/2022 01:28

I can't comment on how noisy you are but what she did was ridiculously rude and aggressive. If she harasses you again I'd report her or get some sort of cease and desist solicitor letter

mungomidgeandmary · 16/07/2022 01:35

She should have spoken to you first, as you say she's never raised the issue. You sound reasonable to me, as you apologised the first time it was raised.

I have a neighbour who shouts outside constantly (or so it feels), and she's an awful thick waste of space who knows she's annoying. Treats their back dump of a garden as an extra room in the house and has never heard of headphones or talking quietly.

quietnightmare · 16/07/2022 01:45

How old is she ?

007DoubleOSeven · 16/07/2022 01:45

Your neighbour is clearly a bit batshit (and yes, rude) but are you really scarred by this? Shocked, definitely but scarred seems a bit of an overstatement?

Anyway, yanbu your neighbour sounds horrid - although with the temps recently a spray with a hose sounds quite pleasant, but all the same...Lots of advice here about managing her so I'm really only here to sympathise.

Christinatheastonishing · 16/07/2022 01:55

I'm not going to excuse her behaviour which is clearly nuts, but are you actually 'loud talkers'? It's pretty soul destroying to live next to people who insist on sharing all their conversations with everyone around them.

QueenCamilla · 16/07/2022 01:55

I want to know where in UK was it so hot you had to sit outside at 9pm. Sounds nice. ( I'm missing the point of the thread sitting in my jumper all eve! )

expat101 · 16/07/2022 02:06

So wrong to spray water on you and your guests, but is it possible for your voices to carry, esp. at night? And is this occurring with other neighbours too?

We live rurally but the area has been somewhat divided up with several residences virtually on top of each other.

We hear our bottom neighbour's telephone conversations, the domestics the new ones to the side of us have, the want-to-be drummer that can't keep up with an accompanying sound track, the shed parties on a Friday night the other new people have, just to mention a few things where noise travels.

the grunge music in the shed next door earlier this week does my head in. Even with double glazed windows firmly shut, I could still hear it, yet in fairness, it was at reasonable levels...

theremustonlybeone · 16/07/2022 02:10

OMG she sounds like my old neighbour. She moved around 4yrs ago. Had a terrible habit of shouting at any neighbour who dared make noise in their garden, or kids making noise and if any neighbour dared have a BBQ with friends in the afternoon would spray a hose over the fence. How she isn’t your neighbour as she used to seen nasty anonymous complaint letters to neighbour