To think my neighbour is outright rude

[3pteepee]

We bought our house a year back and have never spoken or seen our neighbours on one side. Today we had some guests over and we were chatting on our patio furniture from about 7-9pm as it was too hot indoors. We have a detached house but neighbour was in her garden too and suddenly around 9pm started yelling about us being so loud and always shouting, never talking and being very annoying. When she said it we immediately said we apologise if you’re getting disturbed we’ll move inside in few minutes. She went on shouting and sprayed water with hose on our guests and my elderly parents. We were shocked and embarrassed in front of our guests. We never have guests outdoors except few summer weekends and are usually quite during the day, may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime. We don’t drink or party in the garden/barbecue or play loud music ever. I’m so scarred by this crazy rude behaviour that I feel like moving far away from the lady. Am I being unreasonable in thinking I need to complain about her to local services?

Her behaviour is not on!

However, maybe you are really loud? We have neighbours a few doors along who are SO loud. They do shout at each other constantly, and their children/ extended family are the same (and outside late). DH thinks it's a cultural difference and we need to suck it up, but it drives me mad.

Laughing at everyone asking if you're loud but unaware - who gives a shit? It was 9pm, not midnight - and even so, a polite 'could you keep it down please?' would've been enough. Outrageous that she sprayed you all!

You must live in a very nice area OP; she would've been strangled by her own hose if she did shit like that where I live

Whether or not you have ever had a loud party, it seems you are loud people. Some people do seem to have no dimmer volume on their voices, and a noisy few hours daily with loud voices and a 5 year old is probably the real problem, and the loud conversation in the yard was the straw that broke the camel's back.

OP hasn't said they were being loud nor her guests were being loud. Where do you get this from? It was 7-9pm as a one off having guests over that they don't usually.

I am hard of hearing so my voice can carry sometimes. When sat outside (I'm in bed by 9.30pm and rarely have people over either) do you think I should be sprayed by a neighbour with their hose? In my own garden? Because I'm talking ??! Id call the police of a neighbour did this on purpose , as a hate (disability) crime as it really isn't ok.

Report to police

Sounds like she needs a good hosing herself! I'd ask other neighbours if she is quite well.

OP hasn't said they were being loud nor her guests were being loud.

I got this from the opening post. OP clearly has no idea how loud her family is as a general rule. She states that they are noisy most days for a few hours ("may have a noisy few hours daily before the 5year olds bedtime"). I don't think people snap for no reason, usually, and I believe the hosing woman that their usual conversational style is shouty. Whatever.

It's not like the upset neighbour could have gone around and knocked on the door to say, "Oh, I say, would you mind ever so much lowering your voices a little!" As this is MN, and (a) no-one answers their door and furthermore, (b) no-one can use their words to express their wishes or set a boundary in real life.

Even if the op is annoyingly loud it wasn't that late and spraying water is assault. I'd probably log with the police - definitely if it happens again.

This with bells on!!! It's not 3am even then as a one off i would cope.

@milkyaqua
I think you are over erecting from info you have
People who are usually noisy don't apologise immediately in the way OP did

Erecting! Am I?!

I think the OP is unaware how loud she and her family are, and how loudly they were speaking, and how loud their voices and family noise generally are.

I'd say a neighbour doing that at 9pm probably has mental health problems! (If the story is accurate)

The OP's family would have to be incredibly loud and living in a cardboard house for the noise of family life in the evenings to annoy this neighbour as it's a detached house.

Spraying you all with a hose as pretty much the first response to something which upset her is off the scale behaviour. I'd have a word with the neighbourhood policing team and give her a wide berth, but stay polite. Be ready to record her behaviour.

Whether or not you have ever had a loud party, it seems you are loud people.

Why would you imagine that a nutter who shouts and turns a hose on people rather than discuss the issue is a better judge of reasonable behaviour than OP?

From her POV you were being loud, she asked you to keep the noise down and you carried on and said “yeah, we’ll move inside in a bit” are you sure she didn’t think you were just fobbing her off or being dismissive?
ive asked neighbours to keep the noise down before and it’s terribly nerve wracking. The usual response is “we’re sorry? Of course” followed by an immediate drop in volume

Lol@how she warned you she was about to 'assault' you and your guests 😂
Next time, tell her please keep your right hand dry.. As you will be using your phone that's in it to call the Police at the same time.

Spraying you all with water is not okay. I would log it with 101. Get them to talk to her.

Have you just accepted this? I would have been raging.

She clearly thinks you all are passive and will just take it.

Please report this. I can't see it being an isolated incident.

Well, because most people don't lose their minds with neighbours for no reason, in my experience. And loud talkers, also in my experience, don't tend to be particularly (or at all) aware of that fact.

Yes, so, we'll go inside in a few minutes, is not the same as, so sorry, didn't realise we were talking so loudly, and lowering the volume or standing to move inside...

I did not say she was reasonable to spray them, but seriously, Police! Log it! Assault! It's ludicrous. There are threads currently with people losing their minds at the prospect of modest heat for two days shortly! I am surprised others can't imagine someone snapping under stress during a hotter than usual time, having buttoned their lip prior about what they perceive as unreasonably levels of noise (as per when the neighbour refers to them as "always shouting"). YMMV.

Coming from a person who has had a batshit neighbour, I'm speaking from experience, don't let this go, it will escalate trust me, she's sprayed you with water and abused you, if you let her get away with it she will continue and you will end up walking on eggshells and eventually her behaviour / presence will affect your daily life.
I'd ring the police and I think you'll be making a huge mistake if you don't, this batshittery needs nipping in the bud.
It's assault and you have witnesses.
I'd insist the police come out and speak / warn her.
9pm is not late and you're entitled to use you garden.

Flipping heck! She’s lucky it wasn’t me and my guests that she sprayed water on as I’d be the one in front of a judge for verbal assault! I’d be fuming OP and definitely report to police. Speak to other neighbours, she probably has issues that are well known. Carry on enjoying your garden and do not modify your behaviour for fear of being assaulted by her. Let her be the one staying indoors to shut out the everyday sounds of the neighbourhood. Honestly, I’m fuming for you, she’s an awful human being.

She was being massively unreasonable with the hose.

However, I suspect your "few noisy hours" every day has driven her nuts over the last year and this is the straw that broke the camel's back. If your house is too hot, hers is likely to be too. She possibly just wanted to relax and quietly enjoy her own garden, instead the noise that may have been bothering her for the last year is ramped up by the arrival of more people.

This does nor excuse for behavior with the hose, but I agreed with PP that some people and some families have no idea how loud they are - is it possible that you're louder than you think?

I lived through very loud neighbours - they actually built a high deck right up against my fence - and talked really loudly every night during summer under my Denton window. Went in usually until around 11pm.

but I would never turn a hose into them!

in your place I would rote a very clear note outlining why this behaviour was completely unacceptable. I would say if she turns the hose on people again you will report it to the police.

@milkyaqua I am amused at how many assumptions you’ve made about us 😀. We’re a family of 3, me and DH work full time, often long hours so are extremely quiet most of the time. The few loud hours in the evening are really mostly indoors as it is cold and we have a modern sound proof house. And the loud hours doesn’t mean it’s a shouting match - it’s telling DS to get into the bath etc. I can say with confidence we’re not “loud people” but the point of this thread is not to justify that. And your assumption that we casually said sorry we’ll move in a bit is also ridiculous. She almost instantly sprayed on us without giving us even a few seconds to react. I appreciate you are playing the devils advocate but even if all your assumptions were true her behaviour is very rude! The neighbours son stepped in after she sprayed us saying you shouldn’t have done it please apologise, and she said why should I? The only benefit of the doubt I can give her is that she is an old lady who is having a generally hard time in life (probably unwell) but we’re very happy to consider that and amend our behaviour IF GIVEN A CHANCE and if asked in a civil manner!

top end of Hampshire, it has been lovely outside in the evenings, but too sticky to sit comfortably & unnecessarily inside.