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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should she pay for this night out even though she had Covid?

176 replies

Cyclebabble · 15/07/2022 10:44

Hi just wanted to check my approach before I proceed any further. Four of us were due to see a show three weeks ago. I organised the trip including tickets and a hotel. The bookings were made a number of months ago. Foolishly perhaps I did not ask for immediate payment. My credit card turns over a lot for work and I covered the costs. Two days out one friend sent me WhatsApp message saying that Covid was going round their family and there was a risk they would get it.

On the day of travelling they confirmed they would not be able to go. At this notice, the show/room could not be cancelled. Everyone else settled up. The Covid sufferer did not and a week later I sent a WhatsApp with my account details and asked them to forward on the money.

Since then I have followed up with an email and there has been radio silence. This is not someone I am unduly close to, but is part of my friendship group.

So I think I am right to chase this money. However, before I chase harder AIBU?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 15/07/2022 15:22

I'd request again - on the group chat, not to her individually- and keep doing it every few days until you get a response.

AmyDudley · 15/07/2022 15:34

cstaff · Today 14:55

It never ceases to amaze me that some people are willing to risk friendships over £100 or whatever the amount is. There was something similar about a group friendship birthday present a while back and the friend who didn't pay has since been ousted from the group. Some people are so short sighted and for the sake of a few quid will risk losing a friend.

It never ceases to amaze me that some people think £100 is just a few quid - for many of us that is a lot of money.

Also the person risking the friendship over a 'few quid' is the woman who will not pay. She thinks that OP should cover the cost of her having covid (If she has it) Why ? How incredibly entitled to think others should lose out financially because you can't make an event. In never ceases to amaze me that some people are so utterly self absorbed that they don't pay up money someone has shelled out on their behalf because 'I didn't go'. Tough luck ,it's your loss, your misfortune, suck it up. And if you are willing to lose friends because you are mean selfish and greedy then you aren't much of a friend, and no great loss to anyone.

billy1966 · 15/07/2022 15:40

I absolutely would put it on the group chat and state it very plainly that you have no intention of absorbing these costs.

At least you will have proof should you want to go further.

I really wouldn't want to be friends with someone so dishonest as to attempt not to pay.

Coffeepot72 · 15/07/2022 15:44

Did you have an actual contract with her to pay?

Seriously???!? Do people actually do this with their friends when organising a trip out?

Imissmoominmama · 15/07/2022 15:52

If she asked you to book the ticket, then she should pay for it!!

billy1966 · 15/07/2022 15:55

AmyDudley · 15/07/2022 15:34

cstaff · Today 14:55

It never ceases to amaze me that some people are willing to risk friendships over £100 or whatever the amount is. There was something similar about a group friendship birthday present a while back and the friend who didn't pay has since been ousted from the group. Some people are so short sighted and for the sake of a few quid will risk losing a friend.

It never ceases to amaze me that some people think £100 is just a few quid - for many of us that is a lot of money.

Also the person risking the friendship over a 'few quid' is the woman who will not pay. She thinks that OP should cover the cost of her having covid (If she has it) Why ? How incredibly entitled to think others should lose out financially because you can't make an event. In never ceases to amaze me that some people are so utterly self absorbed that they don't pay up money someone has shelled out on their behalf because 'I didn't go'. Tough luck ,it's your loss, your misfortune, suck it up. And if you are willing to lose friends because you are mean selfish and greedy then you aren't much of a friend, and no great loss to anyone.

Agree.

That thread about the voucher for the ill friends birthday was extraordinarily crass.

Actually I think it is why so many people have ceased booking and planning ahead, having heard tales of others having to bail because of illness and loosing money.

I have a wedding soon and the bride is having a really low key night away in her parents holiday home. Her friends are bringing food and booze and they are just going to hang out.
Sounds perfect to me and is so considerate of her various friends and circumstances.
They are all still really looking forward to it.
They are calling it a "retro hen"😂.

Similarly a friends son did a very cheap one night away fairly local to them for his large stag.

Perhaps it will be come a thing!

greatblueheron · 15/07/2022 16:08

She should pay for her ticket. If she can get a refund from the venue for 'having covid', which sounds doubtful seeing as she was out and about on Sunday, then let her wrangle it from them. You should be reimbursed, however.

IVFPrayingForBioChild · 15/07/2022 16:11

I doubt the covid thing was true
She was getting out of going and paying

XenoBitch · 15/07/2022 16:23

YANBU. You are right to chase this money. Your friend is a CF.

I have been stung like this so many times in the past. Now everyone who wants to go to whatever is being booked pays up front.

CallOnMe · 15/07/2022 16:24

It never ceases to amaze me that some people are willing to risk friendships over £100 or whatever the amount is. There was something similar about a group friendship birthday present a while back and the friend who didn't pay has since been ousted from the group. Some people are so short sighted and for the sake of a few quid will risk losing a friend.

It never ceases to amaze me how many mugs there are in the world and they’ll happily be taken advantage of just to maintain a fake friendship.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 15/07/2022 16:25

It's poor of the friend.a few weeks ago I had covid and had to miss a much looked forward to weekend with friends. I just accepted that I had paid for something I couldn't do.

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/07/2022 16:50

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 15/07/2022 14:59

It's not just about the money a lot of the time, it's about lying about coming/not coming/an excuse and then not paying.

Most of us here would happily understand if someone can't afford it and says so. Or even if they say, can we pay you at the end of the month or something? It's when you're not paid, with excuses that people want to cut others off and risk friendships.

I can tell the type of person you are though, based on your post.

Show quote history

I thought it was the non-payer that @cstaff meant had thrown away the friendship for the sake of a few quid - not the other people in the group.

cstaff · 15/07/2022 16:54

@Emotionalsupportviper

You are right - I was supporting the friends who had paid upfront and had been let down by their non-paying friends.

I just stopped replying when I was misquoted for the second or third time but thank you for noticing.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 15/07/2022 17:08

She should pay when cancelling at such short notice that you didn't have an opportunity to find someone else. But, seeing as she hasn't paid and hasn't even responded to you, I don't think she will.

Livpool · 15/07/2022 17:10

Of course she should pay - I would be mortified. You definitely need to shameher into it on the group chat

Robin198 · 15/07/2022 17:11

You are not being unreasonable at all. If she had booked through any external agency she would have had to pay in full well before the event.

if she’s not in your direct friendship group I wouldn’t feel bad at all to message her. If you know her a bit better you could maybe just check that everything is ok in case she’s got other things going on or ask if she could pay it up over time. I don’t actually think she should but if it’s a case of bit by bit rather than nothing at all…..

SleepSleepRaveAsleep · 15/07/2022 17:16

Why should you pay? She's got a cheek.

The only situation you would let her off would be if someone else went instead and paid for the place, they didn't though. She owes you the money, she's a CF. I'd assume she decided she didn't fancy going and thought she'd say she had covid as an excuse, covid or not she still owes you.

43prego · 15/07/2022 17:35

I would have paid.

43prego · 15/07/2022 17:36

You are not unreasonable.

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/07/2022 17:40

cstaff · 15/07/2022 16:54

@Emotionalsupportviper

You are right - I was supporting the friends who had paid upfront and had been let down by their non-paying friends.

I just stopped replying when I was misquoted for the second or third time but thank you for noticing.

No problem - it seems pretty obvious to me.

saleorbouy · 15/07/2022 17:44

Yes she should pay. She made a commitment to attend, renaged and now you are out of pocket. Why should you pay for her covid.
I would call round or ask her next time you are all in a group.
Personally I always take a deposit when ordering group things as I've always found someone drops out leaving you high and dry.
My policy is you get your money back if you find someone to take your place.
Stag and hen do's are notorious for blaggers.

TheGoogleMum · 15/07/2022 17:47

She should pay, if it had been paid on her card and she hadn't gone she would have still lost the money. There is no good reason for you to be out of pocket. The exception would be if someone else took her place, then the other person should pay the share

Buythebag40 · 15/07/2022 18:01

Of course she should pay - how ridiculous. You shouldn't even have to ask. What a CF.

Somethingneedstochange · 15/07/2022 18:15

On the other hand though she might have just assumed you would get someone else to go in her place. That's what we did when we booked to see a comedian. Then nobody was paying for something they weren't going to. But she should have said the day before to get someone else.

mrpopperspenguinbiscuits · 15/07/2022 18:27

Eek how awkward. Note to self - have people pay up front to avoid this later. Yeah maybe OP could have found someone to replace her, but so she could have.