Is everything really necessary for 1st Baby

[SareBear87]

This is a mix of AIBU and a call for help!

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and thought we'd best start collecting bits for baby.
We're both FT parents so pretty clueless/naïve
Both of us are laid back and no nonsense, but I am gobsmacked with this "oh you must have/buy..." attitude. I thought getting married was a licence to print money!

We have a pram, cot and a few bottles but jeez was that a fight. Between the sales assistants and overly keen family members I feel exhausted already!

AIBU - does a newborn really need all these gadgets and gizmos?

We are extremely lucky that people want to help and buy things but I'm pretty sure we don't need a bin that comes with cassette units or a wipe warmer.

Please help! What do we actually need? What is actually useful? I have no issue buying things that parents swear by, but it seems like 50% of stuff is just marketing! I hope to BF and express (so DP can also feed) but apart from that I'm open to peoples experience!

Everyone around us either had children 30+ years ago or has opted for the child-free life so I'm at the mercy of lurking on MN/Google!

Things we needed:

clothes
muslins
nappies
cotton wool
a changing bag (we got a rucksack one which I’m still using 2 years later, but in theory you could use any large enough bag)
car seat
pram
sling
Bottles and steriliser (I’d not planned for this and didn’t have them as fully intended to breastfeed but didn’t produce any milk at all, so these were ordered on Amazon and had arrived by the time I got home from the hospital.)
Somewhere for baby to sleep - we got a next to me type crib, and had a Moses basket downstairs. As it happened she wouldn’t sleep in either and we ended up cosleeping, but the next to me crib at least reassured me she wasn’t going to roll off.
High chair - we got a wooden one passed on from a neighbour. It’s a bastard to clean and if I was doing it again I’d absolutely get the basic IKEA one that comes apart and can be shoved in the dishwasher even.

Things which were really very useful:

Shnuggle bath and angel care bath seat - both were useful at different times, and the angel care one was good for her to lie on just in the bathroom when I needed to pee/ wash etc. Both I got for £5 from fb marketplace, there’s always loads on there. Both I sold on for £5 too.

Bouncy chair thingy - not that you could put her in it often, but from about 4 months it got useful

Little play mat/ gym thing

Changing table - bought from a friend, still use it just as her drawers in her bedroom with toys on top.

Olly owl white noise maker.

Prep machine.

Travel cot later on.

snooze shade for pram - again got second hand and later on when we were going away.

We bought the full on angelcare monitor with the breathing sensor mat - waste of time for us as we ended up cosleeping so mat was never really used, and until she was over 1 she never really slept in a room without me (Velcro cosleeping contact napper) so we didn’t need the monitor at all really. We did use it after that once I got my evenings back!

Here are the things you actually need before your baby is born.

Big pants.
A nappy.
A babygro.
A double walled insulated coffee cup.
Amazon prime.
Contact details for local - sling library - feeding support - health professional - friend with several children
Savings.
A determination to protect your earning potential at all costs.

Age Appropriate Car Seat. Is an essential my partner had a crash with 6 week old DD and it saved her life.

Rear car mirror to check on baby when driving

Activity mat to lie on when newborn - we have soft one and DD preferred this to the Moses basket downstairs. She now loves looking up at the hanging stars as she is older.

Rocker/swing for a few months down the line. All help with sensory development and gives you a break from constant holding

Baby bath. I have the angel care and can also put it on the bath room floor and sit DD in as I shower or put in the bath with her alone/both of us together.

Hooded bath towel for easy drying

Hair brush and nail kit - nails are surprisingly long and result in frequent face scratches and hair brush/comb to assist with cradle cap

I regret buying a prep machine as I exclusively breast feed and that is still in the box but I use the electronic breast pump every morning and have a freezer stash of milk for when I go out and have a drink. Buy freezer milk bags.

I go through about a box of breast pads a week so stock up. No one told me just how many you go through. As you need them in both sides day and night. I have also spent an obscene amount on nursing bras

Glad I never got a changing table. Just get a nappy caddie and changing mat/disposable incontinence bed mats and change on bed/floor/sofa.

Religiously use water wipes and sudocream even though it’s more expensive. It’s worth it to prevent nappy rash

We brought a new bin for the kitchen and just put the old bin out the back door and would throw all nappy’s in there

Lots of vests. Tescos do a great cheap range. They get stained easily. You don’t need multiple Muslins just reuse and throw in the wash. I re-use the same 2-3 the rest remain in the cupboard.

Don’t buy outfits that button up at the back. Far too much effort to change in.

Calpol and syringes as advised to give by drs after immunisations

I did spurge on a leather changing bag but I love bags and figured it will go everywhere with me and it does and has a great insulated bottle holder and changing mat. It’s not necessary though a rucksack would work.

Snooze shade and fan for the pram especially in this heat

Not essential by any stretch but if anyone wants to get a gift for you that's useful
I got a patchwork quilt/blanket for my friends and they've all said it was great. Worked to lie them on as babies, as a play mat, a blanket, then tucked on the bed as they were older and it was a nice thing to keep
Also an insulated mug for drinks

Thank you all so much! Genuinely it's helped us cull/add to our to buy list!

I was feeling totally lost so you have all been really helpful! X

This isn’t an essential either, but was one of my very favourite things and if anyone was offering a present would be a good one to ask for. Very cute, 100 times easier than wrestling them into pramsuits etc, can be used in slings and car seats
www.tuppenceandcrumble.com

If you don’t get one as a gift it’s worth looking second hand, I got a small one from a Facebook selling group and the next size up from Vinted

I’m always amazed at muslin clothes being mentioned as an essential. We had loads and barely used them!

To start off I'd get some simple multi-packs of vests and sleepsuits in each of the first few sizes.

Yes to muslins.

You'll also need baby sleeping bags, I'd get two to start off with, in an appropriate size and tog rating.

Two sets of sheets for your baby's cot.

You will need some sort of bin for the nappies. We used a normal bin for the first few months but we did eventually buy a special nappy bin because the normal bin was a bit stinky. But we live in a 4th floor flat and aren't going to be traipsing up and down to take nappies out all the time. If you live in a house and can just chuck nappies in your outside bin each time you go outside, I wouldn't bother with a special nappy bin.

I'd get one of those Nosefrida snot suckers.

Apart from that I'd say it's really helpful to have a bouncer chair thing and a baby carrier. We used ours all the time.

Oh and we had one of those baby nest things. They're not supposed to be used for unsupervised sleep, but my son took loads of daytime naps in his, on the sofa next to me when I was watching TV, and sometimes I used to take it out with me in the car or shove it in the bottom of the pushchair and he'd have a nap wherever we were going, at a friend's house, in a friend's garden, at a picnic in the park etc.

This was me when I was having my daughter

Car seat
Baby grows (lots and lots - the poop explosions!)
Nappies/bags/wipes
Personally I'm glad we had the special bin for the nappies because they just need changing so much when their little
Sling (watch a YouTube video and follow baby wearing uk on fb) I would get one second hand personally, I would definitely say this is an essential.
Next to me cot (or similar but basically one that side cars to your bed)
Blanket
Sleeping bag (2.5 tog)

I would personally wait to get
Pram
Cot (I know the next to me is a cot, but we did her whole room and wasted so much money)

Other things we found helpful but aren't essential
A bouncy chair (the baby bjorn one is amazing again much cheaper second hand, but worth the money IMO) this really helped my daughter go for a poo when she was constipated
Play mat

I would also make sure that if you want to breastfeed you know where your local breastfeeding support group is and any local IBCLC registered lactation consultants. I would also take the time to do some a class on birth, I recommend birth_ed (birth-ed.co.uk) for an online course. The better your birth experience, the better you will feel at the beginning of this whole journey.

This is making me want another baby ♥️

Also, even if you intend to breastfeed, I would just make sure that you know how to prepare a bottle of formula safely. Just incase.

Perfect prep machine; make 3 bottles in advance and blast in microwave 30secs when required. Shake (for hotspots) and test on arm.
• Breast pump; tin of formula (especially if it's just DH doing the late feed or whatever)
• Video monitor; any functional baby monitor. If they're not crying their asleep!
• Teething medication, herbal unctions, essence of cloves, baby crystals; Calpol. Put it in their bottle with the formula (see above)

The perfect prep is better than storing bottles and microwaving, it’s not recommended to keep bottles in the fridge anymore (bacteria can still grow in it), you’re supposed to make fresh at each feed. And you definitely shouldn’t be microwaving the milk in a plastic bottle, you’re not supposed to microwave food in plastic as chemicals leak into it, definitely not good for a baby.

Not everyone wants to use formula though, some prefer to exclusively Brest feed so a breast pump is then necessary.

Video monitors are far better when you have a baby that can stand and for a toddler. Then you can see if they’re asleep or quietly trying to escape their cot.

I agree that all of the teething stuff is nonsense, (particularly amber bracelets, they’re just a choking hazard!) and even baby bonjela has no numbing effect now. But calpol shouldn’t be put in the bottle, you can’t guarantee they’ve had the full dose if they don’t drink the whole bottle.