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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should really own our house?

429 replies

Littlething · 14/07/2022 12:47

I will appreciate some advice and fresh perspective on my situation please. Sorry if it is a bit long.
Me and my partner of 15 years (two dc, 11 and 8) are about to exchange on a house that we are buying with the money I inherited from my late parents. There will be a small mortgage, paid out of rental income on my flat in London. We moved to where we are now 2 years ago from London for his job. We were renting here while we were looking for a house to buy paying rent out of the income on my London flat. I have stopped working after my youngest was born, my dp has a good job (architect), that covers our bills. My parents gifted me the flat in London, so we lived rent/mortgage free and they gave us cash for holidays, new car etc, we would not be able to afford it otherwise. We spend rather carefully, shopping in H&M and Lidl but we like to entertain, go to the theatre and children have lots of hobbies. My partner has a flat in London that he bought before we met, he pays mortgage on it and rents it out, so mortgage is covered.
The house we are buying here is small and will need extension and loft conversion, it will be paid for with what’s left out of the money my parents left me. For context, we decided to buy a small house (in a not very ideal location) because it is all we can afford without selling mine or his flats and he is strongly against selling since “it is our pension”.
I agreed to put both our names on the title. I want to make it clear that he is a kind and loving person, he is my best friend and the children adore him. I do not want to upset him by spelling out that it is my money that we are spending on the purchase and renovation. However when I said the other day that I expect to have an upper hand when it comes to decisions to do with renovating (and maybe selling when the children are off to Uni) he got very upset. He feels that he will “pour all his energy, time and skills into the house and will be left with nothing”. He also said he feels his contribution to our finances is major because all his salary is spent every months, he provides for us and this needs to be recognised. AIBU to expect him to see it from my perspective?
Many thanks for reading and sharing what you think.

OP posts:
Bunty55 · 14/07/2022 12:50

I think if he wants his name on your house then your name should be on his house also.. I have briefly read your post and am going back to read again but that's my first thought. He wants his cake but he wants to eat yours as well ??

007DoubleOSeven · 14/07/2022 12:54

You're not married so I don't think you should be putting his name on the title deeds, but other wiser people will be along to advise you soon.

jossysgiant · 14/07/2022 12:55

Presumably the rental income after tax is not small if it's a flat in London- do you pay towards bills with that atm? If you're buying the house with your money, I would ring fence the amount and own the house proportionally with your partner.

007DoubleOSeven · 14/07/2022 12:56

Should amend my statement to say that you shouldn't be putting his name on the title deeds without a legal contract drawn up by a solicitor and signed by both of you designed to protect your interests and ensure that in the event of a split assets are divided fairly.

Absolutely do not put anything in his name without legal protections first.

missymarrk · 14/07/2022 12:57

Oh god please don't put him on the titles! You're fucked if it goes pear shaped. Imagine him meeting a new young thing and walking away with half your home. Eeek!

ThreeLittleDots · 14/07/2022 12:57

Ideally it'd just be your name on the deeds. However you can write in one of the boxes on the TR1, that ownership is held as tenants in common, with 100% of the sale price designated to yourself.

missymarrk · 14/07/2022 12:58

And I say this with the shoe firmly on the other foot btw! I'm in your DP's position here

PuttingDownRoots · 14/07/2022 12:59

Is he the father of the children?

Not married, your inheritance, your name only.

Minimalme · 14/07/2022 12:59

Is he dc Dad?

Because you are not married, if you split up he would get half the house while you get nothing from his flat.

And no offence, but we probably don't need to know where you shop.

wonderstuff · 14/07/2022 13:00

I wouldn’t put him on the deeds. The fact you aren’t married suggests you are both keen to have separate finances, why would he get to keep his assets separated but have half of yours?

Meraas · 14/07/2022 13:00

You're not married so I think you should protect yourself.

He already has a flat in his name, so you should have this property in your name.

Don't hand off all your money to him.

JuneOsborne · 14/07/2022 13:04

Just so I'm clear....

He owns a mortgaged flat in London which is rented out and that rent pays that mortgage.

You own a flat in London outright and that is rented out.

You're buying a house outside of London with your inheritance and will have a mortgage that will be paid for with the rent from your London flat.

His salary pays for bills and hobbies and incidentals.

He wants to have his name on the deeds and own half of the house you're buying?

You're not married.

So if you split up, he'd still has his flat and you'd still have yours, but he'd be entitled to half of the house? Is that your concern?

anon2022anon · 14/07/2022 13:04

I think you are being unreasonable to an extent. Yes you will own the house, but why do you expect him to work and pay for all other living costs, while you don't work and the house value is appreciating?

I think either you should agree to split bills and you pay the mortgage by yourself, or you recognise it as a joint purchase since he is supporting you. Otherwise he could spend his working years paying for you all, only to be left with no roof over his head if you decide to break the relationship off.

Moonopoly · 14/07/2022 13:04

You need to get some legal advice OP and draw up a trust that reflects a fairness to both of you but protects your inheritance

Boxowine · 14/07/2022 13:05

Are you married?

Forgive me if I sound old fashioned or snobbish but that really is the purpose of a marriage. To establish legal rights wrt children and property. I don't think it's a good idea to merge assets unless you are married. I also happen to think that once you are married, everything is owned jointly but that's just me.
I think that if the two of you want to split the ownership of the house or flat then you should get married and everyone is protected by the rights associated with that legal union or the two of you should keep your assets separated.

For clarity, I think it's perfectly fine for people to choose not to "seal the deal" or "it's just a piece of paper". But in that case, a deed or title is just a piece of paper too and doesn't need signing over.

Dinoteeth · 14/07/2022 13:06

Not married and you both have other properties keep it yours.

However I do think you should be contributing to the household income. And he should have a say in decor etc he has to live there too.

RedLobsterRum · 14/07/2022 13:09

I'd ring-fence the inheritance contribution at least. Is there a reason you're not married?

PurpleBrocadePeacock · 14/07/2022 13:11

Serious question, why haven’t you married before?

If I was living in a house paid for by an inheritance and not married, I would own it 100% and in the event of my death would will it directly to my children bypassing my partner altogether.

The fact you are not working means it is even more important to have that security in your name rather than that you owe him half your house for being a SAHM as providing childcare has reduced your pension savings and earning potential.

if I was married, it would be different.

Harridan1981 · 14/07/2022 13:12

Ignoring anything else, I would probably feel the same as him if you said that you expected to make all the decisions on the reno etc because the money comes from you. Especially if all the day to day money comes from him.

LemonTT · 14/07/2022 13:12

I’m sorry but your are being unreasonable. You live as a family and use his income for everything but the mortgage. If you want to be financially independent and you want to own the house outright. You need to pay the mortgage and make a 50% contribution to everything else.

the rent from a flat won’t be considered as the basis for a mortgage payment either.

anya172 · 14/07/2022 13:12

I can see this from his point of view, he would be living in "your house", which is never a good feeling, and if things were to go pear shaped he might be worried that he would be left without anything.
But let's be honest it's your money that is allowing this purchase, so why would he be on the deeds at the same level as you, that would be the equivalent of gifting him what is probably a large amount of cash in the even of a split? When it comes to money and the future as much as I would like to be a romantic I would be absolutely not do this.

Aberration · 14/07/2022 13:15

Why should he pay all your living costs if he’s not on the deeds to the house? Bonkers

RealBecca · 14/07/2022 13:16

You either need fully seperate finances or joined finances. I presume you both want seperate otherwise you would be married.

I think it's a bit mean though to basically say I'm buying the house we are going to live in so I get to make the decisions about decorating. Hes living there full time as well and it's a shitty way to treat your partner. If he was paying the bills when you were on maternity would you like it if he told you he was going to overrule you? No.

Movinghouseatlast · 14/07/2022 13:18

All houses should be in joint names in that case. Or get married.

My friend was with someone for 35 years,poured everything into the house but she said it was hers because she bought it with an inheritance. He ended up with nothing.

Another friend got told "you've lived here rent free" when they split up. House was just in partners name, she got nothing.

Stag82 · 14/07/2022 13:18

If this was me I would get a solicitor to draw up a legal agreement (think it called a declaration of trust) that would see the 'deposit' amount (I'm sure you can work the other monies from the building work in too) come back to you in the first instance. Any increase in the value of property would then be split 50:50 so your DP would own that. Hope this makes sense.