Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should really own our house?

429 replies

Littlething · 14/07/2022 12:47

I will appreciate some advice and fresh perspective on my situation please. Sorry if it is a bit long.
Me and my partner of 15 years (two dc, 11 and 8) are about to exchange on a house that we are buying with the money I inherited from my late parents. There will be a small mortgage, paid out of rental income on my flat in London. We moved to where we are now 2 years ago from London for his job. We were renting here while we were looking for a house to buy paying rent out of the income on my London flat. I have stopped working after my youngest was born, my dp has a good job (architect), that covers our bills. My parents gifted me the flat in London, so we lived rent/mortgage free and they gave us cash for holidays, new car etc, we would not be able to afford it otherwise. We spend rather carefully, shopping in H&M and Lidl but we like to entertain, go to the theatre and children have lots of hobbies. My partner has a flat in London that he bought before we met, he pays mortgage on it and rents it out, so mortgage is covered.
The house we are buying here is small and will need extension and loft conversion, it will be paid for with what’s left out of the money my parents left me. For context, we decided to buy a small house (in a not very ideal location) because it is all we can afford without selling mine or his flats and he is strongly against selling since “it is our pension”.
I agreed to put both our names on the title. I want to make it clear that he is a kind and loving person, he is my best friend and the children adore him. I do not want to upset him by spelling out that it is my money that we are spending on the purchase and renovation. However when I said the other day that I expect to have an upper hand when it comes to decisions to do with renovating (and maybe selling when the children are off to Uni) he got very upset. He feels that he will “pour all his energy, time and skills into the house and will be left with nothing”. He also said he feels his contribution to our finances is major because all his salary is spent every months, he provides for us and this needs to be recognised. AIBU to expect him to see it from my perspective?
Many thanks for reading and sharing what you think.

OP posts:
Hotnashsummerday · 14/07/2022 13:37

I think you're being unreasonable. Houses aside, he provides for you and your family by working so he should be entitled to a share in the house he pays the bills for. Otherwise you should work and contribute equally.

Blossomtoes · 14/07/2022 13:39

missymarrk · 14/07/2022 12:57

Oh god please don't put him on the titles! You're fucked if it goes pear shaped. Imagine him meeting a new young thing and walking away with half your home. Eeek!

This. THIS! Please, please put your house in your name. Can you imagine your parents’ horror at you giving half your assets away?

Joxsters · 14/07/2022 13:42

ginnybag · 14/07/2022 13:35

Each of you keep your flats separately.

For this house, purchase together, but ringfence the value of your inheritance used for purchase and renovation, so that if you split, that comes back to you first, before the equity above it is split 50/50. Make sure you have a will that clearly spells out what you want to happen to your respective shares in terms of who inherits/lifetime interests etc.

Then, pool his salary, his excess rental income (if any) and your rental income (which is your financial contribution) and sort out a household budget. If, when you've done this and added up all the bills including mortgage, there really is 'nothing left', then you need to look at whether you can afford this house and your lifestyle with your current set up.

If there is a leftover income, then it needs to be split three ways - you, him and a savings account. You and he should have the same disposable income each month.

All of this. And don’t be difficult about the decorating! 😂

HelloHeathcliffeItsMe · 14/07/2022 13:46

I would see a solicitor and see if you can ring fence the deposit but then split any capital growth equally.

And let him have a say in renovations as firstly, he's a bloody architect and secondly it's his family home too?!

Original poster
Littlething · 14/07/2022 13:46

Many thanks for all your comments, really appreciate it. I might have a chat with solicitors, I just needed to filter through my emotions first and get a clearer head. We are not married mainly because i got pregnant too quickly and then there was one family illness after another and then we were used to not being married. He is the father of our children, neither of us was married before. We joke that we will get married once the children grow up.

OP posts:
DoNotGetADog · 14/07/2022 13:47

Why have you been together all this time, had 2 children together and be buying a house together but (at least one of you) are not prepared to be married?

Most of this is an issue because you’re not married.

Whirlygiggles · 14/07/2022 13:49

Don't do it.

You pay the mortgage = your contribution
He pays the bills = his contribution
You look after his children while he works = both contribute.

Sounds fairly even until you pay the bulk of capital for the house.

DoNotGetADog · 14/07/2022 13:50

Cross post!

I do think YABU to have him paying all the bills and doing a lot of the work on your house, but you owning all the house.

JaninaDuszejko · 14/07/2022 13:51

Tell him you'll put him on the deeds of your property when he marries you and put you on the deeds of his flat. Don't give up your inheritance to a man you're not married to. Is he on the deeds for your flat in London, after all he was paying all your expenses there as well?

PuckeredArseFace · 14/07/2022 13:56

I'd keep it in your name until you are married, it takes about 20 minutes to marry someone so what's the issue?

SleeplessInEngland · 14/07/2022 13:57

Oh, didn't realise he was actually the father. You might as well just get married.

HotWashCycle · 14/07/2022 13:59

Hi OP. You need to be really careful about this because your children could end up without the house or its value. Get proper legal advice about your exact situation.

HollowTalk · 14/07/2022 14:01

So is he saying that he'll keep his name (alone) on his home but he wants joint ownership of yours, even though he's not paying anything towards it?

If you really do love and trust him, just get yourselves down to the registry office. If you don't love each other enough to do that, then keep the new house in your own name. He has his own place, after all.

Wallywobbles · 14/07/2022 14:01

I'm not sure I'd get married in your shoes. You'd have to give half of everything. I would ring fence the money you put into the house. Any profit split 50/50. I'd also review your choice to stop work very soon.

getalifesonny · 14/07/2022 14:01

Do see a solicitor about it and get independent advice. Can it be done in a way that you and your partner have a life time interest in the house and then it goes to your children after you pass away?

Tor2022 · 14/07/2022 14:02

JaninaDuszejko · 14/07/2022 13:51

Tell him you'll put him on the deeds of your property when he marries you and put you on the deeds of his flat. Don't give up your inheritance to a man you're not married to. Is he on the deeds for your flat in London, after all he was paying all your expenses there as well?

This.

sausage767 · 14/07/2022 14:03

It sounds like all your income is shared as family income.

Would posters have the same thoughts if a husband was the sole earner, the wife a SAHM, and he insisted he was the sole owner of the family home? It’s really the same situation as he would be the only one who contributed financially to its purpose.

user1471462115 · 14/07/2022 14:03

No one has mentioned his pension yet, HIS pension that is his alone and that you have no right to if you split.

I would not put him on the deeds as this house is your pension. You each have a flat to live in, but you have no income and no career and NO PENSION.

you need a lot of advice from a solicitor, and you need to take the emotions out of it as this is a business deal, which protects your future

he walks away with a flat, half your house and all of his pension, and you have a flat, and have to live on half a house for the rest of your life.

and neither person has a bigger say in decor in a joint home, that is just very odd

Nat6999 · 14/07/2022 14:04

Don't put his name on the house, you are putting the most money in it & aren't married, don't marry him either as the money you put in from your parents will become shared money.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 14/07/2022 14:06

So:

You own a property with no mortgage.

He owns a self-funding property.

He pays all other bills, plus your PARENTS give you money for holidays.

You will be buying a family home using your inheritance using the rental income from your property to pay the mortgage, and expect your husband (and presumably) your parents to fund your lifestyle without giving either of them a stake in the property?

Sounds a bit like you've got very used to being funded by everyone else yet don't think anyone else deserves financial security. You definitely need to speak to a solicitor and have a conversation about what you are prepared to share with your partner. I do get your contribution being childcare but your kids are 11 and 8, not babies anymore.

SortingOffice · 14/07/2022 14:08

DoNotGetADog · 14/07/2022 13:47

Why have you been together all this time, had 2 children together and be buying a house together but (at least one of you) are not prepared to be married?

Most of this is an issue because you’re not married.

This.
Get married. It doesn't have to be a "wedding" just a quickie at the register office.
Without that you and your children are vulnerable if it goes to pot

mrsm43s · 14/07/2022 14:09

Surely your flat remains in your name,
His flat remains in his name,
The joint property, that you are both in essence contributing to, him via means of his salary paying your half of all living and day to day costs as well as his own, and you via means of the inheritance plus your rental income paying his half of the mortgage payments and renovations as well as your own should be held in both names.

There might be an argument that you ring fence the inheritance portion, but I'm not even sure that's fair if you're expecting him to fully share his income with you.

Either what's yours is yours, what's his is his and you are responsible for paying half of the joint living expenses, or you have joint finances and share both assets and income.

LeavesOnTrees · 14/07/2022 14:13

Have you taken into account the architects fees you'll be saving, as presumably he'll be doing the extension/renovation project for free ?

I think he should go on the deeds, but with your deposit ring-fenced in a declaration of trust.
If not just get married.

WhenDovesFly · 14/07/2022 14:14

Your partner will be putting his skills into the house (you said he's an architect and the house needs an extension and loft conversion) and he's putting all his salary in to pay the bills, so I feel he should get something out of it. However, I think you should speak to an expert to protect your contribution in the event you ever split up. Maybe you agree a percentage split in the event of separation?

SirChenjins · 14/07/2022 14:14

I'm with @ChiefWiggumsBoy It sounds like your income and lifestyle are based solely on what other people are giving you, with your 'income' from your other property paying for the mortgage and his income paying for all the other expenses and bills to do with the house. If you think of it as joint income then why on earth wouldn't he be on the deeds?

I agree with the others who say that you really need to speak to a solicitor and agree which assets belong to whom, as it doesn't appear that you're both thinking of them as joint assets which would be split if you separated. I'd also think about getting my own earned income.

Swipe left for the next trending thread