To not understand how can you live on £60 a week?

[Frequency]

19 year old DD's social worker has arranged for her to have chaperone at her UC appointments which means she can now claim. She has severe anxiety and cannot leave the house without another person much less speak to a stranger.

I've just helped her fill out a form on Entitled To to check how much she would get.

£60 weekly.

How the fuck is she meant to survive on £60 a week?

Does this mean HMRC still expect me to fund her?

Obviously I will but if I refused what the feck is she supposed to do? how can she eat and clothe herself on £60 a week? What about contributing towards gas and electric? Paying for her mobile phone? Accessing social activities?

I just don't understand how this can be deemed enough to maintain any kind of standard of living?

They asked for my income so I assume they've taken this into account. They didn't ask if I was related to her so would a friend also be expected to feed and clothe her?

Very possibly but you've made a lot of assumptions there in order to come to that conclusion.

You said (or whover I replied to) that she had 'very clear needs', its not clear at all.

Im aware of how PIP works, we make claims and over see claims made for our clients all the time but there is controversy about the use of it for almost just compensating for vulnerabilities. If she needs prompting for those things, and mum does it, is mum being paid out of the PIP? Or another carer? If not, then what purpose does it serve

She might choose to use it to pay for clubs or activities which can provide her with confidence and skills, perhaps a course to learn something or therapy perhaps but OP hasnt said that either.

It need not be an either/or situation.
Ideally individuals should get the financial support and medical help.
It isn't always possible to access medical help, but it pays to have GPs/social services/MH team all kept up to date with the situation.
My DS gets close to £1000 a month- 24, lives at home. I would prefer him to work, but until that day happens then I want him to get all benefits he is entitled to.

www.gov.uk/universal-credit/what-youll-get

how much do you think is reasonable for her to contribute to her keep every week? How much extra is it costing you to have her in the house? Say £30 for groceries, £10 towards household utilities leaving £20 for her own spending.

I know it’s tight, but officially she is simply a teen living with her mother who won’t work. Until she gets another diagnosis that is how she must be treated. I think your expectations are too high for how much the state will pay to a teen who, based on the information they have, simply refused to work.

I appreciate she is having a very difficult time - but I agree with others that it is odd she can go to a pub but can’t go to see her GP.

GPS are used to dealing with mental health issues - I am sure her GP could arrange an appointment for say early in the morning when the surgery is quiet. She would find it tough - but it’s an important step. She clearly needs counselling and that can be done over the phone or even via online chat.

i do understand mental health is complex and frustrating - but you have to be realistic about what type of lifestyle can be funded from public money for someone who refuses to engage and ask for help.

As a physically disabled person who grew up with agoraphobia and has now been diagnosed with BPD & PTSD (and who gets every benefit possible) I am afraid that you might be enabling her behaviour.

I hope you’re going to still have your friend around?

There is help available for her. Seeing a medical professional is most important.

So sorry for what your daughter has gone through and the way it is still affecting her

£60 per week is reasonable to me for someone with no outgoings, still living at home. Instead of being outraged by this OP, get some practical help for your dd - she can claim PIP, you can be her appointee so can do it for her.

Very possibly but you've made a lot of assumptions there in order to come to that conclusion.

If the DD hasn’t left her room for 10 days it’s hardly a massive assumption to assume she needs prompting to prepare and cook a meal unless the think she has a kitchen in her room or bathe as a minimum. And I haven’t made any assumptions about mixing with others or planning and following a journey, that is clear from OP’s posts. It wasn’t me who made the original post you replied to, but I agree with them, she obviously has clear needs.

If she needs prompting for those things, and mum does it, is mum being paid out of the PIP? Or another carer? If not, then what purpose does it serve

But that’s irrelevant. To claim PIP you don’t even have to be actually in receipt of the support just have an underlying need for it.

She might choose to use it to pay for clubs or activities which can provide her with confidence and skills, perhaps a course to learn something or therapy perhaps but OP hasnt said that either.

Why would the OP say though? It isn’t relevant to a claim.

Just as a very rough and practical way this could work - I had to work with similar sums at some points when I was a student.

Food shop can be around £20-£25
She could contribute £15 in bills
£20 a month sim only plan with giffgaff or similar (So save £5 a week).

Shes left with £15-£20 a week - which she could spend weekly or save to use at the end of the month (£60 for a night out, some new clothes).

Is she not entitled to Employment Support Allowance (ESA)? or PIP?

How she supposed to live on £60 a week, with the cost of living going up too.

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I do think there’s an element of some posters thinking OP’s DD should just “pull herself together”. MH support/treatment is woefully lacking. So she goes to the GP, she’ll maybe get antidepressants and be put on an extremely long waiting list for maybe some sort of counselling. Which is often pretty shit! I’ve had it and it did nothing for me. It was just someone asking me how I felt all the time, it didn’t move me forward in any way. If anything it made me dwell on the negatives. You can’t rely on “services” to help you out of these things.

All you can do OP is keep offering your support and try and coax her into doing more things. She’s 19, she’s still got close to 50 working years of life left. She has time to change things. I would say, re the qualifications, look at her doing an access course. Many places offer fully online. Fee’s are paid via adult learning loans. Maybe not right now but possibly something to aim towards?

She is entitled, but needs to engage with someone to get it, the OP and her daughter aren't bothering to work towards that and expect the government to just accept her high levels of need on their word and pay more money

Bruce

ESA is now New Style ESA and only available to those who have worked 2 years before claiming.

Possibility of claiming PIP but as DD will not see her GP engage with services there is no medical evidence to prove her disability/illness.

I can never work out who said what on this site or who Im replying to

I know the support doesnt need to be in place in order to receive PIP for it, it was more of a general question. As I say we support a number of clients apply for PIP but its a controversial subject as to sometimes it seems its just a compensation for lifes difficulties rather than providing services itself.

I dont think its at all obvious that she isnt doing those things, she simply said about her difficulty talking to people but equally felt that her daughter needs money for social activities so she can do them, just with the people she chooses, theres nothing wrong with that per se, but I took exception to someone saying there are 'clear needs' when that hasnt been established.

The issue of course is that there is a massive disparity in the amounts of benefits under 25s can access compared to over 25s, I dont understand how that is allowed legally and hasnt been successfully challenged. If the daughter moved out, she would still receive that base line of UC due to her age but would have housing elements on top to pay her rent (and that would also be at a restricted rate due to her age, only allowed to have enough to pay for the single room rate).
If she cannot work she would be better getting the limited capacity to work element but that means she would have to engage with services properly.

I do think there’s an element of some posters thinking OP’s DD should just “pull herself together”. MH support/treatment is woefully lacking. So she goes to the GP, she’ll maybe get antidepressants and be put on an extremely long waiting list for maybe some sort of counselling.

@Fuwari no most posters are responding to OP saying her DD doesn't get PIP because she won't go to the GP and get properly diagnosed. Most posters are trying to help her get PIP as well as mental health support.
And yes waiting lists are long, so surely all the more reason to get her name on the list or she'll never get to the top and get any treatment

I have a hairdressing client here atm but I will come back to thread later. For those understandably worried about DD, I have and continue to fight for more support for her and push her to access the support that is available to her. The extra money is not the only way we are trying to help her.

Oh ok, i inderstand now (thank you)

Is she medically diagnosed with anxiety or mental health etc.? This is unsustainable for her and you. How are you going to be able to live like this in 5, 10, 20 years with no CV and no life skills and worrying what will happen when you're not around on 60 quid a month? Her behaviour is being entrenched and unchallenged. Could it be she's in bed or in her room, refusing to leave because you're just not firm enough and you should take her phone off her unless she makes an effort? You say she has a boyfriend, goes to the pub, goes shopping with you (not all the time, but occasionally). Well, you need to draw a line that she doesn't get to stay in bed or doesn't get internet access unless she goes to the GP, or meets the social worker. Her friends need to actively get her out of the house doing volunteering and getting involved in social groups. This is only going to go one way of complete societal withdrawal and complete reliance on you as a carer

I dont think its at all obvious that she isnt doing those things, she simply said about her difficulty talking to people but equally felt that her daughter needs money for social activities so she can do them, just with the people she chooses, theres nothing wrong with that per se, but I took exception to someone saying there are 'clear needs' when that hasnt been established.

Perhaps you need to re-read OP’s posts as she does in fact say the difficulties extend further than talking to people.

Her anxiety is triggered by being out alone/ cannot leave the house without another person
Out of every planned activity she manages to actually attend approx 1 in every 5 planned.
Her anxiety is triggered by…meeting new people even with trusted friends and family around
she hasn't left her bedroom for 10 days
Most days she cannot actually leave her bed.

All of these signify needs beyond difficulty talking to people. If most days she doesn’t get out of bed then she obviously doesn’t bathe on those days so needs prompting to, this will also mean she needs prompting to prepare and cook a meal. If she doesn’t leave her bedroom for stretches of 10 days then she will need prompting to prepare and cook a meal unless you think she has a kitchen in her room. If she doesn’t leave her bedroom for long stretches or get out of bed most days then she needs prompting to engage with others. The points also cover planning and following a journey.

I understand some of the issues with a relative, years ago. Certainly the staying in the room and lack of financial support. By the time the family got help it was really too late and this relative doesn't see siblings. We had to go to Social services who told us they have a support worker who keeps in touch.

@Frequency Thank goodness you have such a good Social worker to help. One idea is would your dd interact with online classes for art, she could do them through Zoom but need not be live, could do them on catch up?

Opening myself up to "this is not a race to the bottom" flamings... In most other countries, your daughter would receive jack shit and if it were not for her family would be begging on the streets. She needs to open herself up to the idea of cleaning jobs, when the properties have no people in, admin jobs working from home. There are quite a few options.

I am sorry OP but the taxpayer is not here to provide your daughter with night out outs, new clothes or a mobile phone contracts...

Of course she should be given enough money to get her basic needs met (housing, food, heating).

She is still living at home so some of these costs will not need to come out of her pocket (I assume you will be able to claim financial support for those yourself).

She does not work or go to college so I assume she has no specific transport costs.

If she has disabilities/mental health issues you should look into PIP and get additional support that way.

But what is the long term plan for your daughter? can she get help to study or work one day? what is being done to help her with her anxiety? does she need counselling/mental health support so she can become a bit more independent? your focus should also be on this.

The £60 is only meant to be a short term solution, your daughter needs to think of the long term. Long term unemployment may lower her self esteem even more. Living at home with your mum forever on benefits isn’t great for anyone’s confidence, let alone a naturally anxious person.

If she comes round to the idea of working she will meet new people, maybe new friends or even a partner. She will feel that she is good at things, can earn a decent amount, and hopefully she will not need to depend on you anymore. She is young and has the potential to have a way better lifestyle than living on this small amount of “pocket money”.

She needs to accept help from the gp, medication or therapy and not just give up at the age of 19. You sound like a great mum and you can help her access the help she needs.

I live with GAD. It's a bit like physical fitness. When you're really unused to exercise, you'll be in a lot of pain and discomfort just on a short walk. That doesn't mean you stop moving entirely - the pain will just get worse and worse as you get more unfit. You actually need to push yourself in order to improve.

Understandably you're concerned for DD but you're making it worse. If you don't have a friend over, the next time it will feel like she CAN'T have anyone else in the house, and you won't ever invite anyone over, that's how anxiety gets worse and entrenched.

It's not fair but in life you have to "choose your hard." Going to the GP is hard. Alternatively, living on £60 is hard. Taking that difficulty away from her won't actually help her although I know that's not immediately clear. It sounds like there is some depression and helplessness going on which you are very in tune with, which you need to be careful not to turn into codependency.

Because ultimately you want better for her. You don't want this to be her reality in 5 or 10 years. She needs to get to a GP. Good luck

I think the wine isn't a great idea for her either tbh