Things you consider bad manners that others don’t

[Novasmum]

Inspired by an experience earlier today of having to listen to a man whistle for 10 minutes in GP waiting room.

Not only is it annoying but I do think it’s bad manners but I know other people wouldn’t class whistling as bad manners.

what’s yours?

Oh yes, but isn't that universally considered rude?

I am forever shouting at idiot children to close the bloody door.

This….. but I also had to sit in a waiting room yesterday with a man picking his nose and then rolling what he had picked in his fingers

If you are not an Alan Bennett character a huge dramatic opportunity has gone unexploited.

Agree with long phone conversations (5 minutes +) on trains/buses. Having to listen a one sided nonsensical monologue is extremely tiring. And they’re nearly always about some “vitally important” business meeting/presentation that just has to be discussed in full earshot of 20 other people who couldn’t give a shit.

People asking where I am for some reason winds me up.

@ylfa as a former restaurant manager with many years of experience, I would rather you send something back that was sub-par or not as ordered. Reaction to a bad experience is as important (if not more) as getting it right first time. People make mistakes - give us chance to make amends. As long as done politely, returning food is not an issue. I certainly would - as others have said you are a PAYING guest, it’s not the same as being invited for free and finding things not to your expectations 🤷‍♀️

Those electric bloody scooters being ridden by idiots coming up behind you on pavements

The kitchen one

Mil just stood there, asked her to sit down.

I hate being watched while I'm busy.

People asking how much things cost / what do you earn / telling you their money details . We were told as youngsters that talking about money was “common” so unless it’s specifically related to the conversation, just don’t !

Agree 👍

It's not rude exactly, but we have a friend whom I no longer give any compliments about anything new because all she will talk about is how little she paid for it or how she got it for free. Nothing at all about how nice or useful the thing is or why she likes it, just how little she got it for. I don't know why it annoys me but it does.

They had a potluck at their wedding and when I said how nice it was, all she went on about was how much they saved on caterers, didn't have to pay a thing, and she still talks about it. We all knew that was why she'd done it but couldn't she at least pretend that she did it for the pleasure of it?

It does annoy me and feel rude but I can't quite say why.

The thing about bad manners, pretty much by definition, is that they make some third party feel uncomfortable or embarrassed or diminished.

We've had serving staff and restaurant managers on here saying not only that they would not consider it bad manners to send food back, but they would prefer it to the course of action that you suggest would be good manners. Because I happen to know one, I just asked a restaurant chef what she'd prefer, and she said, "God, send it back. Let me know! Don't pay and go away unsatisfied."

So the question I'd ask, @ylfa, is 0 who do you think is discomfited by your sending food back in a restaurant? Because, if it's only you, then the problem is not that it's bad manners. It's something to do with your view of yourself.

People standing over me and watching when I'm doing something; especially 'keeping me company in the kitchen',

Oh yes, I absolutely hate this. I now just ask them to go away which they may well think is rude but honestly.

Yes to this. I often say "look up" if I am walking in the opposite direction and they are meandering on the path.

Often they will also have earphones in and I will have to shout it.

Taking your photo or video without permission

Not telling your child it's time to let someone else have a turn when they've been on the only swing for 20 minutes.

Partner and I caught in the middle of naughties by my parents. Wife with cushion covering her bits, still a picture in my mind.

I think it's very rude to dismiss or diminish a compliment. My OH does it all the time, and has many techniques.

Contradiction

"Oh, you look great in that!"

"God, I don't. I look like a hobo."

Invalidation

"Terrific tacos! Absolutely delicious!"

"You wouldn't know good Mexican if you woke up next to it."

Unnecessary comparison

"Well done! You did a great job!"

"Nah - did you see Julie? And Angela? Man, Angela nailed it."

Unfulfilled self-expectation

"That was awesome."

"It was shit. I can do better."

....I could go on. I have identified the best part of a dozen.

Why is it bad manners?

Because it's essentially saying to the compliment-giver, 'you are not to be taken seriously, because you don't know enough for your opinion to have any value'.

The upshot of which is that, rather than have one's compliments denigrated, one simply stops offering them.

People making - incorrect - assumptions about my nickname. If I’ve used my full name with you then that’s what you use!

One work colleague in particular has been corrected multiple times! Honestly….

Oh lord there's too many....
Lateness/tardiness.
Chewing with your mouth open.
People in twos, threes or more taking up the whole pavement and not moving to one side of the pavement to make way.
People listening to music or watching things on phones without headphones.
People having conversations on loudspeakers on their phones.
People not picking their feet up to walk.
Flakiness, people consistently cancelling plans at last minute.

Living abroad gives you a completely different sense of rudeness and makes you realise that ‘manners’ are so arbitrary.
Since I moved away I now think the following to be the height of rudeness:
not saying hello when you enter a shop
not saying hello when you ask a staff member something
not saying hello to every person at a party immediately after arriving, whether you know them or not. It used to be kissing them but Covid thankfully out an end to that.
not trying everything on a plate of food
not looking someone in the eye when they clink your glass
beeping someone who stops their car in the road to chat to their friend. Apparently it rushes them and they wouldn’t have **
stopped if it wasn’t important
running out of booze at a party

**this one was told to me (shouted at me) by someone I had gently tooted…. Accompanied with a hand gesture I dare say wasn’t all that polite itself…. So I’m not 100% about that one.

My pet hate is someone saying they will call round and they don’t turn up or send a message to let you know they won’t be calling. A week later they will re arrange without an apology and say we will call up at 2 and not even check if it’s convenient or to check if your in. It’s my pet hate it’s so frustrating when you stay in all day and they don’t Turn up. Also when they want to call over without checking your in then they find out your not home and the best bet is they get annoyed as they just assume your waiting for them. Grrrr. 😂🤣😂.

I usually do knock first. No choice with our house because it's an old yale lock. But if I'm going to one of my friends house she tells me to just come in. I still knock first it's a habit. 😂😂😂

Frequently making a lot of noise (loud music, ball games, parties etc) in your house or garden when you live in a terrace with small gardens.

Plenty of people, including on MN, seem to think this is fine and if the neighbours want quiet they should move to a detached house in the countryside.

My view is that it’s selfish and if you live very close to others then that means keeping the noise down as far as possible so everyone can enjoy their own home/garden.