Things you consider bad manners that others don’t

[Novasmum]

Inspired by an experience earlier today of having to listen to a man whistle for 10 minutes in GP waiting room.

Not only is it annoying but I do think it’s bad manners but I know other people wouldn’t class whistling as bad manners.

what’s yours?

Being flakey as a pattern of behaviour. Canceling at the last moment or having to be chased for an RSVP

Honestly, sometimes, it's really not about 'being flakey.' People with social anxiety and autism can really struggle with making and breaking plans. And yes, that can form a pattern.

People struggling with this do not necessarily share it with their friends, social group or even family.

Just worth bearing in mind.

@trytopullyoursocksup ·

Pointing at people. I know this is silly as it's not meant rudely usually, but when people point at me or someone else saying something completely neutral like "so when it comes in, send it to tryto -" I flinch

I did a course which included body language and pointing (at someone) was seen as aggressive. Obviously this is when you are fairly close and not pointing someone out a fair distance away. But the course was years ago, so probably well out of date now!

taking food or drinks into shops

Receiving bad food in a restaurant and being expected not to do anything about it, then eat it and pay for it!

Of course you need to send food back if it's not right!!!!

The restaurant need to know if they have got something wrong. I once sent back some vegetables because they were still frozen.

Actually I sent them back twice.

The manager came out and comped our food.

Feet up on public transport - I occasionally do this, I have arthritis and I'm short so my feet dangle and my knees suffer on some trains.

BUT I always take my shoes off and wrap a scarf around my (clean and in clean socks) feet.

Sending food back in a restaurant is very un-British in my world. I have been with Brits who haven't wanted to 'make a fuss'. I have also been with people who have had a little moan when something is less than perfect (ie "the sauce is a bit salty/bland/runny/thick") who, when the waiting staff ask if everything is alright, say that it is or even "perfect thanks"!

Restaurants obviously don't want their customers putting up with mistakes or sub standard food, so I have no problem with saying something (nicely). They also need to know so that they can do something about it. Waltzing out, passive aggressively not eating their food, doesn't do them any favours.

I have sent back ham sandwiches from a vegetarian high tea (which wasn't cheap). The manager was incredibly apologetic and offered a full refund - I refused. And a ratatouille that was so spicy that it nearly blew my head off. The restaurant owner told me that ratatouille is supposed to be spicy (it's not) but that the chef had overdone the chilli and he offered us a discount - again refused. In both cases I just wanted something I could eat not money off and they did replace and I was happy. It was all done politely and everyone acted in a reasonable manner. I would happily return to both places. I wouldn't want to leave somewhere hungry and out of pocket and have my time out spoilt

I’ve been a waitress in various restaurants for over 5 years (Europe, not UK) and British people almost never complain. I find the fake politeness most bizarre.
You know that question “how is your meal?” It is a genuine question and saying “excellent” through gritted teeth and never coming back is so much worse than saying that the pasta is too salty or chicken overcooked.

If something’s not edible you send it back and don’t pay. (And don’t come back if it’s been truly awful). Why on earth would anyone pay for a meal and go hungry.

Really? You should eat something just because someone's cooked it?? I don't think so...

I know this varies from culture to culture but I’d consider it the height of bad manners to show up to a funeral you were expressly invited to. As far as I’m concerned they are like weddings in that way.

@stuntbubbles I come from one where the exact opposite is true. It would be considered utterly inexplicable if you didn't go to a funeral.

What is the reasoning behind the invited guests only idea?

I have thought this many times. There's so many to choose from but (in my mind) Jason and Kylie singing Especially for you could fit the brief of a quintessential 80s song.

Back in the days of Sony Walkmans, my friend was clearly listening to her music (Lady in Red) too loudly on the tube. A passenger tapped her on the shoulder and asked 'Chris de Burgh' in the most disgusted you've got terrible taste in music tone apparently. Just punishment for the offence.

Being called by my first name without being invited to do so.

I blame my mother. 🤣

When you're looking at a painting in a gallery and someone stands right in front of you.

Couldn't agree more with this. The family members and 'friends' who consistently do this in my experience are control freaks/bossy/pushy too. Even if they can be delightful company when they do turn up.
I think on some level it's a controlling act. Nothing can happen until that person graces us with their presence - and don't they know it 😑

If they are hunting round for a top up, that shows you've been remiss as a host.

Playing with phones during things like school performances.

Visitors who visit someone who's just had a baby and expect to be waited on with cups of tea while having fun holding the baby. Unless the parents insist otherwise, you should go with the expectation that you're there to help out, and you should offer to bring shopping or ask what you can do to help the parents. Obviously some parents are fine to act as host/hostess, but you should not assume this!

i bloody hate this … I work In an open plan office and two people have had colds recently and they sniff all day, does my head in, I told the guy to blow his nose as he sits opposite but the girl is very unfriendly so I don’t feel I can say anything to her … 😡

People who insist on giving gifts when they've been asked not to (by people who are trying to cut down on mutual gift-giving madness or who don't want clutter). Imposing unwanted gifts on people creates work and hassle for them. I don't want to spend my life posting photos on freecycling websites or dragging stuff off to charity shops in order to get rid of gifts that I've asked not to receive.

Parents who allow older children and teenagers to be incredibly rude and anti social and justify this with the fact that this is only to be expected at this age. If visitors come to the house, older kids and teens can say hi and exchange a few pleasantries before disappearing, IMO.

And unless there are special needs, it's pathetic to allow older kids to sit there on devices in restaurants, during family get togethers and so on. Special needs or kids under school age, I get it; neurotypical school age kids shouldn't be doing this.

Hands up here.
I put a bag next to me on public transport. There's already too many people for my comfort I really don't want someone sitting next to me in my personal space and probably touching me.
I talk through my phone loud speaker because I can't deal with the vibration (and in warm weather) sweatiness of the phone near me ear.
And so many more of the things people find rude.

I get the hate for the sending food back thing-I know people who explain to the chef/waitress any time they didn’t love something whereas I’ve never complained but if I did it would be because something was actually wrong with it. Sometimes it’s just not as nice as you’re used to and some dishes will very rarely be the same as if they were home cooked eg lasagna. Doesn’t mean you have to call the restaurant out on it

When someone constantly messages you because you've not answered within 2 minutes. Call me if it's that important!

Lateness is incredibly rude (unless there’s traffic or something unexpected). A friend was persistently late, over 30 minutes usually, just rude.

People in the quiet coach of the train making and taking constant business calls. Bugger off into the other coaches, I’ve booked the quiet one because I want peace. Two unrelated blokes opposite me did this for 3 hours once. Drove me nuts.

@CindyLouWho1 please stop your sil doing that. Adult mouths contain a cavity causing bacteria which little ones don’t have, so she’s potentially causing your child real harm.

What sort of individual? You be that likes a clean house?….

Taking selfies or tictoc videos starring themselves in public- posing and ‘signing-off’ without a thought for anyone around them.
When did people become so vain.