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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things you consider bad manners that others don’t

1000 replies

Novasmum · 13/07/2022 17:13

Inspired by an experience earlier today of having to listen to a man whistle for 10 minutes in GP waiting room.

Not only is it annoying but I do think it’s bad manners but I know other people wouldn’t class whistling as bad manners.

what’s yours?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 13/07/2022 21:41

Quia · 13/07/2022 17:54

But even the most decent restaurant in the world can make a mistake. Why should the customer not ask for it to be rectified?

And why should the restaurant be condemned for what was probably a genuine mistake? Never going there again seems a bit of a harsh reaction when saying "um I ordered a rare steak actually" might just mean the waiter saying "oh I am so sorry that is a different order, I'll get yours now, my apologies" no dramatic "never going there again" or sitting there not eating your dinner. just a simple exchange between two rational people.

Johnnysgirl · 13/07/2022 21:42

Of course you all end up talking over each other, that's what large extended family gatherings sound like, and if you really wanted someone to hear a particular thing you said, you repeat it
No, that's not the way civilised discourse works at all Confused
Sounds like Bedlam.

echt · 13/07/2022 21:42

Saying excuse me when you want pass. It's excuse me please. The first is an instruction, the second a request.

I'm looking at you Australia.Hmm

I know in my heart they're not being rude, but after years here it still grates.

WillowintheUK · 13/07/2022 21:42

godmum56 · 13/07/2022 17:26

would you think it would be more polite to eat it and then throw up?

I can understand ‘throwing up’ if you’re allergic, but there’s something seriously wrong with you if you throw up just because you don’t particularly like something. .

Mariposista · 13/07/2022 21:42

womma · 13/07/2022 18:06

I can’t bear it when people treat the whole world like it’s their living room.

Keep your voice down, keep your hands, arms and legs to yourself and keep your bloody shoes on!

I sat next to a younger woman on the tube and she proceeded to take her shoes and socks off, brush her hair and spend ages messing around with it, it was horrible. All fine to do at home, not in a confined space like a tube carriage. I had to move to stop
myself vomming

Surprised she didn’t get her toothbrush out and start cleaning her teeth 🤣

MiniPumpkin · 13/07/2022 21:43

People whispering so others in room don’t hear. Just leave the room or don’t say it.

turning up unannounced

when someone talks to you when they can clearly see you are on the phone talking

Staffy1 · 13/07/2022 21:45

Elsiebear90 · 13/07/2022 20:42

People who say “excuse me” without saying please and thank you.

I hate this too. I always used to add an icy “please” when someone did it.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 13/07/2022 21:49

FangsForTheMemory · 13/07/2022 18:38

cross-eating

I think it's disgusting.

What's cross-eating when it’s at home?

Suetwo · 13/07/2022 21:49

Not including other people in the conversation or explaining what the joke is.

Not looking somebody in the eye when you talk to them.

Grunting "orright" instead of smiling and saying hello or good morning or good evening.

Making a loud noise when you eat.

Holding your knife and fork like you are a five-year-old with learning difficulties.

Greensleeves · 13/07/2022 21:50

Child-free weddings. So crass and self-absorbed. Ditto two-tier invitations and grabby gift lists, cringe poems asking for money, "destination" weddings that force your guests to spend stupid money to attend - all symptomatic of the culture of vanity and selfishness that seems to have saturated the wedding industry. There's no such thing as "your day", and your guests aren't chess pieces. They're giving up time and money to help you celebrate YOUR significant life event. Treat them with a modicum of respect.

Twattergy · 13/07/2022 21:51

If you have put your bag on the seat next to you on public transport, not looking up at stops to see if someone needs to sit down.

Talking loudly on phone in public settings - clearly a lot of people don't think it is bad manners to force strangers to listen to your phone call.

Putting your call on speakerphone in public settings.

NumberTheory · 13/07/2022 21:51

Falling asleep in living areas when others are there (unless you’re a baby!).

icedcoffeeplease · 13/07/2022 21:52

I have millions, especially as I don't drive, specific to walking and public transport. A novel follows:

On a narrow pavement when groups of 3 or couples expect you to move into the gutter for them. Especially when I'm walking in a pair and the other pair don't move into single file too, like they think they're more worthy of the pavement. I've taken to shoulder checking them or barging straight through when they do this. It's the only way they'll learn.

If I'm walking on a narrow path next to grass (or during the pandemic narrow pavement next to the road) and I move on to the grass or road for the other person and they don't say thank you. I now have a rule of only doing this for mums with buggies or elderly/disabled people now.

People putting their feet up/across seats on public transport, double points if they take their shoes off.

Drivers who stop across the space designated for pedestrians to walk. I often feel like banging on the hood of their car. And drivers who don't indicate and almost run you over when you're crossing the road. Or indicate and don't turn, leaving you dithering.

People in supermarkets who block an aisle with their trolley while they browse. My mum does this and it drives me mad. Or people who pause in front of a queue, but aren't queuing. Again, people not acknowledging you when you stop to let them out - or worse, don't tell you they're not moving past, and leave you to turn all the way around like an idiot.

People not thanking you for holding a door open for them. At uni (must be a class thing) about 20 people passed through a door I held open without acknowledging.

Maybe controversial, but I don't like when I'm struggling to put a heavy bag in the overhead compartment (especially now I'm pregnant) and a man doesn't offer to help.

When you're with someone who meets a friend you don't know, and the mutual friend doesn't bother to make introductions, and leaves you a gooseberry.

Maybe also controversial, but when (in the UK) 2 people you're in the middle of a conversation with start to converse in French/Spanish leaving you out.

Might be the middle Eastern in me, but people not at least pretending to protest when you offer to pay a bill. People not offering you food or drink when you go to their house. Again probably a cultural thing.

I have also noticed (as a youngish person) that some young people now feel very comfortable to make condescending comments about people they perceive as not having explored their gender identity enough.

CatAndHisKit · 13/07/2022 21:53

I have a question - is it ok to 'talk' to a dog without talking to the owner? I mean as a dog lover to just say 'hello you' or 'so sweet' if the dog comes to you? I get a feeling the owners think it's rude if you only 'see' the dog - or s it ok?

CPL593H · 13/07/2022 21:58

Ylfa · 13/07/2022 17:28

That’s a passive aggressive tantrum isn’t it. My pear isn’t cutted up!

I know I’m very alone on this one but behave as you would if you were a guest in someone’s house.

Just nonsense. I've sent precisely one dish back in my whole life (virtually raw chicken) You are not a guest, you are paying (and not to have food poisoning)

Mariposa80 · 13/07/2022 22:00

What i'm most baffled about is @Ylfa insisting it's a UK thing to send food back

I thought the reputation was to sit and moan and then say everything's fine when the waiter asks!

My friends in Spain and Italy certainly aren't shy about saying something if the food is not to their liking.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 13/07/2022 22:02

Simonjt · 13/07/2022 17:49

Calling elders by their first names.

Sitting in the aisle seat/putting your bag on the aisle seat on a train to prevent someone else sitting down.

My cousin used to call his Mum by her first name.

My Dad was scandalised! He didn't approve whatsoever.

SlowingDownAndDown · 13/07/2022 22:05

Ylfa · 13/07/2022 17:35

No! It was just the first thing that came to mind when I read the thread title. It’s something that I hate most about US/UK culture.

@Ylfa
i think you get the prize for actually answering the question. No other bugger does think that’s rude, whereas most things people have mentioned here are generally considered rude.

i admit I haven’t read every comment.

stayathomer · 13/07/2022 22:06

Book snobbery (It’s not charting-I’ll get a different one, it can’t be any good!)

one upmanship- so you tell someone something you’re doing and they tell you how they did it more ethically/environmentally friendly/better- but about everything! I overheard a lady I know who always does it having it done to her and it made me hate it even more!! People who tell you something you didn’t need to hear and say ‘I just thought you should know’. No, I DIDN’t need to know!

Food snobbery -pan fried fish? You mean fried gish?

shrodingersvaccine · 13/07/2022 22:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

godmum56 · 13/07/2022 22:13

WillowintheUK · 13/07/2022 21:42

I can understand ‘throwing up’ if you’re allergic, but there’s something seriously wrong with you if you throw up just because you don’t particularly like something. .

its much more than don't particularly like....

godmum56 · 13/07/2022 22:14

NumberTheory · 13/07/2022 21:51

Falling asleep in living areas when others are there (unless you’re a baby!).

oh wait till you get old......

knickersniff · 13/07/2022 22:15

SavoirFlair · 13/07/2022 17:14

Not posting things that are “chat” in the Chat forum.

Really ? 😳

godmum56 · 13/07/2022 22:15

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 13/07/2022 21:49

What's cross-eating when it’s at home?

when someone takes food off your plate?

WillowintheUK · 13/07/2022 22:17

godmum56 · 13/07/2022 22:13

its much more than don't particularly like....

Is it? What is it then? Is it something in between allergies and not liking something? Please expand. I’m all ears.

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