To have left my baby to cry.

[MolliciousIntent]

DD2 is 5m. Today I was on the phone to a frien

FFS. I was on the phone to a friend, it was on speaker phone and I was making myself a sandwich (first thing I've eaten all day) and DD began to cry. My friend said it was OK if I needed to put the phone down and pick her up, I said I had her on speaker and needed to finish making my sandwich before I grabbed the baby. She was utterly horrified that I would, in her words, "prioritise a sandwich over my baby" and it's actually made me quite upset. I hadn't eaten all day, I'm breastfeeding, if I picked her up I'd only have had to put her back down again a moment later to finish making the sandwich because I have to fucking eat. I left her to cry for 3 minutes and then I picked her up and popped her in the sling and cuddled her off to sleep while I ate my sandwich (crumbs in the hair but the baby doesn't care) but my friend made me feel like I was a fucking dreadful mother for leaving the baby to cry for a moment.

Is this really dreadful?

No you are not dreadful. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Its a cliche, but it’s true, you need to be well enough to look after your baby and that means eating and drinking enough, and going to the loo when you need to. That might mean baby cries, but I’m sure you tell her that “mummy is just making some food then I’ll come cuddle you” etc.

Baby’s cry, it’s what they do. As you know you don’t have to drop everything and scoop them up at the first squeak ( my DD did this with her first, soon realised what a mistake it was and didn’t with the second. Both dgc perfectly ok)
You're a sensible mother and your baby loves, 30 seconds making a sandwich won’t ruin her life.

Sorry, saw 3 minutes, typed 30 seconds duh!!!!
But no, that won’t harm her either.

@MolliciousIntent absolutely not! As long as baby is in a safe space then leaving them for a few minutes to cry while you get yourself some nourishment is perfectly ok. Christ, if I picked LO up everytime he cried I'd be as well never putting him down. Why do people act like we're beating our children when we don't run to them at every squeak they make!!!

Sometimes you have to do these things; I realised quite quickly I was a better parent if I was looking after myself too. Plus once you have more then one it’s impossible to always pick up baby the second they cry

Please don't feel guilty! What if you had a toddler there that needed help with something (my example was potty/toilet) & the baby cries... you have to prioritise the toddler so sometimes the baby cries for a couple of minutes. It can't be helped. Enjoy your sandwich!

Its not what I would have done - I'd have put baby in the sling and then made the sandwich, it if no sling done it one handed, but equally I don't think there's a right or wrong here.

Totally fine as babies cry just because they're bored etc sometimes, you do need to eat op x

Personally for the sake of a couple of minutes I would have put baby in the sling first. You didn’t actually get to eat any sooner for making the butty first did you?

I do this occasionally because breast feeding mothers need calories.

I had family round once and decided to eat a few bites more of dinner and simply said to my MIL that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Everybody completely agreed.

Sorry, I hit by accident YABU. Count one vote less on this option :D

To be honest it didn't even occur to me to do the sling first. In my head the order of events went "make sandwich, nap baby, eat sandwich" and also making a sandwich with the baby in the sling is very difficult because of the height of our counters, I end up with back ache.

Regardless, I'm glad to hear I'm not a monster.

I'd have done the same as you OP. Babies don't need picking up the second they start to cry! Has your friend got any children?

May I just applaud you!!way too many martyrs on here saying they haven't time to eat or never have a moment to them selves etc
Babies cry. Mummies need to freaking eat
A baby will live if it cries for a bit.
Baby will be fine.

Hope you enjoyed your sandwich 😊

Just one!

Ignore the silly cow!

Like PP said, if you were talking to the baby 'I hear you. I'm just coming' etc then I don't see an issue. If baby was crying and you were making your sandwich and talking to you friend, ignoring the baby, then I think poor bub. Personally, I'd have done sling first or everything one handed but given that you're worried enough to post I think your probably a great Mum and bub will be fine.

There are two types of mum. One will drop everything to rush to a crying baby the other will quickly finish whatever she is doing and then tend to the child. Neither loves the child more than the other. I'm in the latter group, I have 3 children and need to assess who needs me the most should they all be crying at the same time. For me it also depends if baby is crying because she is hungry has a wet nappy or just needs cuddles, I keep her in my eye line and respond based on her needs. My sister and sil are in the first group and they can crack on because they are just doing what they feel is best. It's all relative, put it to one side and carry on.

Yeah I absolutely did the first one - if she's ever crying and I can't go to her straight away (big sister, moving car, sandwich) I talk to her the whole time to let her know she hasnt been abandoned. That's how my friend knew she was crying, I think, because I started talking to the baby mid sentence.

I didn't do it like that, I would sit him in the padded high chair so he knew he wasn't abandoned, he could see me and I would chat to him while I did things. Ended up with the least whiny child imaginable, because he's always known he didn't have to shout for attention. The kids we know whose parents were all "I do X first" are all into shouting for attention even when they are much older, the kids we know whose parents dealt with them as their needs arose like we did are generally calmer. Ignoring the baby's basic needs is all short term gain in my opinion, but perhaps it's all a huge coincidence. It isn't harmful for a few minutes, it's just how you choose to parent.

No. Your friends attitude is probably why kids today are like they are.

...she was in her highchair next to me while I made the sandwich and made faces at her, she just wanted me to pick her up.

My experience is completely the opposite of yours. The children of parents who constantly dropped everything they were doing at the first interruption are generally the ones who are now constantly interrupting and have no respect for anyone else's time or conversations, they don't see why they should ever have to wait, because they've never had to wait. So I think it must be a coincidence.

Your baby will be fine, most women have to leave a baby crying for a few minutes if they have other young children or something else requires their attention briefly. As long as you know they’re safe and they can hear you, it will be fine. I really hate the sanctimonious replies from perfect mothers with perfect children. Sadly I’m probably not one of them, but my children seem to be quite well adjusted adults and were pretty easy babies.

You need to get new mates.