To have left my baby to cry.

[MolliciousIntent]

DD2 is 5m. Today I was on the phone to a frien

There is a HUGE difference between "children" (2+) being asked to wait and a 5 month old baby who has zero ability to sort themselves out in any way if they're wet, hungry, hot, etc - meeting basic needs is what's most important.

Suggest she watches your dc for you while you get stuff done if she is such a marvel.....

My experience is completely the opposite of yours. The children of parents who constantly dropped everything they were doing at the first interruption are generally the ones who are now constantly interrupting and have no respect for anyone else's time or conversations, they don't see why they should ever have to wait, because they've never had to wait.

Sounds like you are pretty sure that your way is the right way then given you are so disparaging of children that have been raised having their needs met straight away. I'm not sure why your friends comment made you feel so awful then?

I wouldn’t do that myself , grab a cereal bar or get your partner to make you a pack lunch before he goes to work or make one yourself the evening before.

I agree with that completely, I was just responding to your observation about the behaviour of older children, which didn't match up with my experience.

@Choopi that’s uncalled for. Congrats on sticking the first proper knife in the OP on this thread.

Your friend is no friend to make you feel this way. You could have easily been in the shower and it would have taken you 5 minutes to get out and get to your crying baby, so what's the difference? You were right there, soothing her with your voice and no harm was done because she settled quite quickly.

This is definitely PFB problems . I remember it well with DD1. But now DD2 gets plonked down all over the place and has to be left to cry sometimes because DD1 needs me more in that moment 🤷‍♀️

Babies cry and a few mins of crying while you finish making a sandwich is of no consequence. DD2 cried for like 15 mins in the back of the car yesterday but there was nothing I could do about it, I just had to finish the journey and then deal with it.

Ignore her - I have twins and one pair of hands - someone has to be left to cry.

Your friend's a twat.

Also, never under-estimate the value of a good sandwich.

Yep, different kettle of fish when you have more than one! DS2 used to scream in the car when he was tiny and I was taking his brother to nursery. Nothing I could do until we got to our destination.

DS1 got to be an expert in putting DS2's dummy in though!

I don't see an issue OP. I would probably have done the same in your shoes. I also wouldn't have put my baby in a sling first. My DS was over 9kg at 5 months old (98th percentile) and similar percentile height. I, however, am 5'3 (on a good day) and felt like a T-Rex with stubby little T-Rex arms plus I couldn't see over his head whenever I had him in the carrier. Everything took so much longer and hurt my back with how I'd bend to try and reach the side. I've no issue carrying him now at 10m and 11kg, but I still can't do anything (other than walk) when I've got him on my front.

Ignore the naysayers. It may not be ideal but sometimes leaving a baby to cry for a few minutes is the best option.

Also please make sure you do look after yourself. If you're breastfeeding you really do need to ensure you're eating and drinking plenty.

Main issue here is your friend - I would have hung up the phone then it’s your business if you leave baby crying for a few mins or not without unwanted opinion of your friend

Your ‘friend’ is a judgemental, ignorant jerk.

Hope you enjoyed your sandwich.

This just seems a bit of a wild concept to me - I don't need to make myself a packed lunch, I'm in my own home and I can make myself whatever I feel like when I need to eat! If it coincides with the baby crying, she might need to wait for 3 minutes. We're talking cheese sarnie, not a roast chicken, do people really not ever let their babies cry for even 3 minutes? What do you do if you have more than one child?

Is it possible that she wasn't criticising your parenting but rather didn't want to listen to your baby crying over the phone?

I'm just playing devil's advocate, but I have a friend with a screamer and it's like at this point she's immune to hearing it and will carry on a conversation as normal. I am not wired the same way and find it distressing/distracting to listen to, and can't keep chatting. Is it possible she's just more sensitive to crying and was like "how can you keep chatting/making food while that is going on?" because I do sometimes wonder how my friend does it, and it's 100% not in a judgy way, she has my full admiration for coping with a very needy and vocal baby.

OP I agree. It seems crazy to me that someone would make a packed lunch for themselves instead of just putting a baby down for a few minutes. It won't harm them.
I'd ignore your friend tbh. She seems really judgemental. Babies cry, it happens. You can't always run straight to them.

And what about the OP's basic needs?

It was 3 minutes not 3 hours.

At that age I'd definitely have picked baby up but I probably still would now - PFB

You’re very sure you’re right so I doubt it made you feel that awful. It’s horrible listening to a baby cry, I wouldn’t have left your friend on the phone. It’s a sound that’s designed to be stressful and it can’t have been nice for her.

You’ve had plenty of comments validating your position, fair enough. It’s not what I’d have done but that’s not what you’re after.

Your friend is the unreasonable one and not a good friend if you ask me!

Crying is how babies communicate, it doesnt always indiciste immediate distress, as long as they know you're there, and youare sure they are fine, and it's just a few minutes or so, then it's just normal part of day to day life.

Huh? Sticking the knife by saying by she seems pretty sure that her way is the right way? I quoted what she said about kids that had their needs met straight away. She clearly feels that makes them spoilt so why on earth would you feel insulted when you think you are doing the best for your child? I didn't make any judgement either way on the OPs parenting, it's making a sandwich it's not that deep. She made judgements on the parenting of people that don't do things like her though which is why I was confused as to why this thread even exists.

What do you do if you have more than one child?

One handed or slings!

I had 2 under 2, and was toilet training my second with a newborn etc, getting both down for simultaneous naps.

I personally didnt find it necessary to leave anyone crying or it was the exception rather than the norm (ie if eldest child was bleeding from an accident, and the youngest woke, rather than day to day functioning)

I'm not saying that is wrong to leave anyone to cry for a few minutes btw, but that its a different parenting style perhaps more than it just being a 1st vs more children thing.

I would have done it one handed personally I couldn't and still can't let my little one cry! But we're all different.

That's what slings are for. Noone needs to be left to cry.