To have left my baby to cry.

[MolliciousIntent]

DD2 is 5m. Today I was on the phone to a frien

Crying is how babies communicate, it doesnt always indiciste immediate distress, as long as they know you're there, and youare sure they are fine, and it's just a few minutes or so, then it's just normal part of day to day life.

I agree. For those who don't leave a child crying, what do you do if you're stuck in the car for example, and they start crying? Pull over?

If on a motorway and its a long way to the next exit or very close to home, talk, sing, provide reassurance but press on.

If I'm able to stop however, I will as soon as it's safe to do, so most journeys, yes, I'll find somewhere to stop.

Friend is nuts, you're fine. Does she have kids? Sometimes you've got to get shit done.

People used to leave their babies out in the garden in a pram all day unsupervised FFS, she thinks you can't take 180 seconds to make a sandwich?

Course YANBU. I let my baby cry when I'm in the shower. I go really quickly and call out to her but it's usually me shouting 'I'm still here! Mummy has to wash you know!' It's a bad day if you can't do basic things like eat and wash!

What not even for 40 seconds while you arrange a sandwich

My pfb was never left to cry. When my psb came along he sometimes had to wait a minute or two whilst I dealt with his brother. He was fine and sometimes stopped crying and settled himself. I didn't know they could do that.

Anyway YANBU at all.

In the last few days I've left mine crying for a few minutes while I gulped down water, got a heavy package in from the front doorstep, went to the loo, helped the 2 year old use the loo, picked the 2 year old up after he tripped over... probably more. As long as he's aomewhere safe I think it's fine for maybe 4 or 5 minutes. I've also pushed the pram along with him crying in it for 10 minutes or so. Not full on hysterical crying but definite fussing.

Especially when you have more than one DC it's impossible to immediately pick up a baby every time it cries.

Unfortunately you can't attend to babies the split second they start to cry. I've had to leave mine cry for a few minutes while on the loo. Although maybe I'm a bad mother and should wear a nappy so I'm not cruel to my child 🤣 some people really need to give their heads a wobble.

There isnt really a right or wrong. I wouldn't have left a baby crying for 3 minutes. I used to make 2 packed lunches at a time and keep them in the fridge or get my Husband to do them while he did his work lunch. That way no one is left to cry and you get to eat too.

As they got older and were in the high chair, they whinged and cried while waiting but again were never left to cry and cry.

Needless to say they haven't grown up into a rude/interrupting teenager either

I wouldn’t do that myself , grab a cereal bar get your partner to make you a pack lunch before he goes to work or make one yourself the evening before.

That’s crazy behaviour! You can’t make your lunch on the off chance your baby will cry when you’re doing it? Isn’t your baby just as likely to cry when you’re in the middle of making your pack lunch the night before?

Mine cries whilst I make her bottle. She's hungry so it makes little difference if she is in my hands or not. Do those of you who never let them cry all breastfeed and therefore not have those couple minutes of whailing whilst prepping?

I was in the supermarket today when she started crying, I thought it was her nappy as she hadn't long eaten but she cried all through queuing for the changing room key, changing, then getting to the cafe to feed her. They cry, I don't think they're getting damaged from it happening sometimes .

You needed to eat, and it wasn't like you left her alone while you Cooked a 3 course meal. She was with you and it took you minutes.

I get you with breastfeeding and needing to eat. Well done for prioritising food. I made myself ill not doing that.

It's not natural to listen to our baby cry, it actually sets us on edge specifically hearing our baby cry, due to hormones. Do you ever notice your breast will begin to hurt if you hear a baby cry?That's the prolactin.

Can you get a sling because then you will be able to carry the baby around all the time and they won't get in the way of what you're doing. My friend used one for her back while she did housework. I used a ring sling and she would feed in there and I would be doing things in daily life but for housework I used the playpen by me, and for cooking I used a baby walker she could follow me around in.

You're not 100% correct. Actually when they are distressed, i.e. trying to communicate but can't use words so can only cry, or being afraid alone in a room where they have no way to know whether someone is coming for them, their cortisol levels raise, and some studies show they take weeks to go back to normal.

So there is actually damage, but you're right, it happens and that's okay.

The bottle thing is horrible, I hated having to deal with bottle prep.

Gosh YANBU at all. I think of myself as someone who never left her babies to cry but I did this all the time. Dd1 had silent reflux, only napped on me and hated the pram. Literally every day I'd arrive home with her screaming her head off, and leave her to cry in the hall for the two minutes it took me to pee and grab a snack and drink. Because once she was out of the pram, that was me stuck to the sofa for a feed and a nap which could take easily two hours in all.

Similarly she hated the car, so sometimes she just had to deal with the fifteen minutes home from the shop, and my parents are 2.5 hours away without stopping, so she had to cry a bit on those journeys too.

I still think of myself as a very responsive mother when they were babies, never did any kind of controlled crying or cry it out sleep training, all that jazz. But sometimes life gets in the way of comforting them immediately!

How will these PFBs who are never allowed to cry going to cope when school starts and they have to go in without their mum tears or no tears

@SunflowerGardens big difference between a newborn/toddler and a four/five year old.

Can't stand it when people say we have to 'prepare them for the real world'

Nothing wrong with showing kindness and compassion and

Posted too soon but yeah. Pick babies up!

Yeah pick them up but if you're starving you can take a minute to make a sandwich first. Or you can use the toilet or brush your teeth - basic self care is important for mum and baby.

No way would I leave my baby to cry so I could brush my teeth. How is that something that simply must be done that instant? And why not one handed?

Not a single tear, very happy to go in!

Being very responsive can lead to children having a very secure attachment, which makes them less clingy, because they know we'll be there when thet need us.

I used to say to my babies 'if I don't eat then you don't eat my darling' because it's true, breastfeeding mothers need to eat and need the calories to produce milk! Now if you'd left your baby to cook a roast and sit down for a three course meal then yes, that might have been questionable but it was a bloody sandwich. You're fine. Does your friend have kids?

Times really have moved on since mine was little. Can't get my head round never leaving a baby to cry. No slings in my day, baby got put down somewhere safe and then teeth got cleaned, showers were had, vegetables were chopped etc. But then as others have said, babies cries are communication not necessarily distress.
Yanbu.

No, don't feel bad. This is coming from someone who is going through the same at the minute. My baby protests when I put him down for a minute or two too - to make a sandwich, make a cup of tea, go to the loo. We have to look after ourselves. I'm guessing your friend is childless? She probably has no idea how constant it is. Babies need to gradually learn that we will come back to them and to gain a little independence. Mine is currently protesting while I have breakfast (not crying, but screeching).

What do you do if you have more than one child?

People definitely forget or have a specific perspective in their head.

There are occasions where you have to let them cry.. in the car, both crying at the same time, both needing snacks or nappy changes (let’s be honest it’s not unusual for their needs to happen together), I have a particularly whiney cry-y child - always has been since the second he was born.

It depends on the child - nothing else.

when people look back because they always tried their best they would say they didn’t let them cry but if there was a camera…..