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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I can work p/t night shifts and be a SAHM during the day? I can make this work, right?

79 replies

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 17:47

DH and I have two DC, aged 2y8m and 7m. DH wfh 3 days a week, the other two he’s in the office in London (we live in Home Counties). Currently DC1 goes to a childminder 1 day a week as that’s all we can afford.

DH gives me a set amount of money per month and I also get the child benefit paid into my bank account (I know that might seem odd to some but I’m happy with that arrangement).

Like a lot of people we’re starting to feel the squeeze and our finances are stretched pretty thin, so I started looking for part time jobs that I could work around looking after DC. I applied for and have been offered one which was basically the most optimal hours I think I’d be able to find as it doesn’t cut into my time with the DC at all.

It’s 20 or 25 hours per week, hours are 9pm-2am over 4/5 nights- 1 weekend night per month. It will be mostly WFH, would only be required to go into the office a couple of times a month. But even then the office is a short distance away - a 10 minute bike ride or (if/when I pass my test but that’s a whole other situation), a 5 minute drive.

At the moment this is how I see it working- I can do bedtime with the DC, will be able to have dinner with DH before I leave/start work. When wfh I can basically work in my pyjamas and be in bed by 2:10, on office days would be home and in bed by 2:30. Sleep for 5/6 hours, DH does DC2 night feed and wakes me when he’s starting work or on days he’s in the office just whenever the baby monitor DC wake me up. During the day, drink a shitload of assam, nap when the DC are napping- DC1 is pretty reliable nap-wise and will usually go down for a couple of hours in the afternoon- with DC2 it’s kind of all or nothing, some days will only go down for a short period in the cot but is usually happy to nap on me so I can doze on the sofa at the same time.

One issue is that obviously there is training involved, and that training would need to take place during the core office hours. I need to figure out how we would manage that as we would need to have both DC in childcare- our childminder has the space but obviously we would need to pay upfront and that’s money we don’t really have at present. We’ve got some money coming from DH’s employer’s share scheme in September but I don’t think it’s realistic to not start until then. Plus I’m not keen on the idea of putting DC2 in full time childcare at 7mo even if it is only for a few weeks. So need to figure out how we would manage that.

Pros:

-I’ll be earning my own money so DH won’t need to give me any. We could afford to put DC1 in childcare for an extra day until January, when the 30 funded hours would kick in. In the meantime we’ll be eligible for tax-free childcare so would be able to save some money that way.

-It’s a really nice company, has a great reputation as a local employer and has some really good benefits. They’re expanding and have a lot of emphasis on nurturing their own talent so there’s quite a lot of scope for progression.

-It won’t take me away from the DC at all- I’d be around for bedtime, DH already does DC2’s night feed so no change there. Obviously I’ll still be with them during the day so we won’t have to change our usual routine in any way.

-At the moment our mortgage is solely in DH’s name; this was necessary as I had a pretty sketchy credit history and was unemployed when we were looking to move. With this job I’d be able to keep building up my credit score and have a few years earning behind me which will put us in a better position for our next (and hopefully last!) move in 4 or 5 years, maybe sooner.

-I’ll be getting earning money. I’ll be able to pay for stuff. Like more driving lessons if I don’t pass my test, or things like swimming lessons for the DC which we just can’t manage at the moment.

Cons:

-I’ll be fucking knackered.

Is this do-able or am I crazy to even be thinking about it?

OP posts:
Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 12/07/2022 17:56

Yes you will be knackered. But it does sound like a good arrangement. (I’ve spent years working various night shifts).
Give it a try, but you need to be super diligent regarding your sleep patterns as that’s the number one problem with nights.
As for training - make sure that they don’t also schedule you to work the same night either side of the training days. (Some companies ‘forget’ your need to sleep).

Goos luck and I how it works.

DillyDilly · 12/07/2022 17:58

What do you mean your DH won’t need to give you money - surely he’ll be making a contribution to food/household/child related expenses ?

FunDragon · 12/07/2022 17:58

I think only you can decide whether it’s doable for you. My children are roughly the same ages as yours and I’m absolutely dead on my feet after a day with two of them. But it sounds like it would definitely be in your best interests and your family’s best interests for you to have a job.

The training sounds like the most difficult issue to me - do you have family who could help? I also wouldn’t rely on your eldest continuing to nap as he’s at an age where a nap drop is a possibility at any time - and even if he does nap for a few months more he won’t nap forever.

I think if I were you I would wait until my eldest got 30 free hours, when your baby will presumably be nearly a year, look for a daytime job and put the baby in childcare alongside the toddler as necessary. But do you need the money coming in now?

Vikinga · 12/07/2022 18:02

In theory it sounds ok as I am a night owl. When DH works from home he should do the mornings so you can have a lie in until he starts work. Keep it to 4 days so you still have 3 days off.

But it shouldn't be his money. His money is also your /family money.

Classicblunder · 12/07/2022 18:02

I think you would be exhausted.

Can your DH start work later on days after you did a shift and he is WFH? If he looked after the kids till 9:30, it might work

Finfintytint · 12/07/2022 18:03

That’s not a night shift but a late shift. Totally doable.

Whatodoaboutit · 12/07/2022 18:03

Most people don’t finish work and go straight to sleep though, they need a period of time to wind down/switch off. You aren’t guaranteed to get 5/6 hours sleep so how will you cope all day with 2 DC, and then until 2am, if you only have 4 hours sleep?

What happens if DC wake up at 5:30am/are poorly/don’t nap?

Topjoe19 · 12/07/2022 18:05

I'm a SAHM of 2 (one 4, one 2.5), I'd try it! But I think you will be exhausted. Especially if DC are poorly & you need to be up at night with them which I've found is just constant at the moment. Also when DC1 drops the nap (although the 30 hrs free childcare will help eventually with that). Good luck, no harm in giving it a go!

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:06

DillyDilly · 12/07/2022 17:58

What do you mean your DH won’t need to give you money - surely he’ll be making a contribution to food/household/child related expenses ?

He already pays for all that as the sole breadwinner. The money he gives me is just for myself, although I invariably end up getting stuff for the DC but it’s stuff I want them to have as opposed to stuff they need, IYSWIM

OP posts:
lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:07

Classicblunder · 12/07/2022 18:02

I think you would be exhausted.

Can your DH start work later on days after you did a shift and he is WFH? If he looked after the kids till 9:30, it might work

He works in finance and has to work market trading hours basically. Once every few months he’ll have a week of late or early starts/finishes but that’s only 1 hour later or earlier. Otherwise no real flexibility unfortch.

OP posts:
catbirddogchild · 12/07/2022 18:07

Yes those hours will work . I did 13 hour nightshifts in a hospital when mine were Little . Also wfh and finish at 2am? yep fine. Go for it.

DockOTheBay · 12/07/2022 18:08

How long until 2 year old is entitled to free 30 hours childcare? January? It's probably doable in the short term until then, then your husband can drop him at the childminder/Preschool and you can sleep a few hours in the day.

DockOTheBay · 12/07/2022 18:09

Presumably if the children are I'll or wake up early, their Dad will have to deal with them as he will have been asleep for a food 6 hours by then, rather than Mum who has had 3 hours.

PeekAtYou · 12/07/2022 18:10

I'd give it a go but your dc1 could drop his nap at any time

catbirddogchild · 12/07/2022 18:10

Also those hours you are talking about are not a night shift , just a late.

BabyWhatsYourName · 12/07/2022 18:10

I had a similar arrangement prior to having DC3. I worked 8pm-3am, 3 nights in a row and then had 6 days off so not quite the same as 4 nights per week. When I fell pregnant, because of covid they allowed me to work from home which was much better as no extra time spent travelling to and from work, and I changed my hours slightly to work 8pm-midnight 4 nights a week.

You will be knackered, BUT it is an ideal arrangement when you have kids and extortionate child care costs. It's meant that I haven't had to put DC2 in nursery. Our routine was to get up, drop DC1 to school, come home and then both take a nap. Sometimes I felt worse for the nap but mostly it meant I wasn't nearly falling asleep by lunch time.

Rosebel · 12/07/2022 18:10

Could your DH take A/L when you do your training obviously depends on how long the training is?
Otherwise I don't see an option other than using the childminder in the short term.
It sounds like a good job but it depends how much sleep you need.

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:11

Vikinga · 12/07/2022 18:02

In theory it sounds ok as I am a night owl. When DH works from home he should do the mornings so you can have a lie in until he starts work. Keep it to 4 days so you still have 3 days off.

But it shouldn't be his money. His money is also your /family money.

He already does let me sleep as long as possible.

Re the money- we used to have a joint account but as I mentioned my credit history was poor and was going to negatively affect our/his eligibility for a mortgage. So now I use my own account, pay my phone bill from it etc. My credit score is going up slowly. Our setup works for us, it’s really not an issue.

OP posts:
Delatron · 12/07/2022 18:12

It should all be family money? He shouldn’t give you a token amount each month. He clearly doesn’t value the childcare you do. Your best bet would be to get childcare in the day and go back to work then and then proportionally you split the childcare costs (ending up most likely in him covering most of it).

You’ll be exhausting yourself doing 2 jobs basically - childcare/housework all day then working until 2am. Whilst he gets childcare and to work normal hours then come home and have a lovely evening and slip you a bit of money every month. Fuck that!

And you really need to get your name on the mortgage ASAP. What did you do before children? Can you go back to that?

howshouldibehave · 12/07/2022 18:13

Currently DC1 goes to a childminder 1 day a week as that’s all we can afford.

Why do you send a child to a childminder when you’re a SAHM if money is tight?

I know people who worked these sort of hours when my kids were young. They did it, but were v tired!

Purpleforthewin · 12/07/2022 18:14

It is probably worth a try but it will be exhausting and I wouldn't rely on children napping particularly as your eldest is of an age where he could stop napping anytime

Delatron · 12/07/2022 18:14

Ok I’ve read your update about money. I still think it sounds exhausting though.

NCHammer2022 · 12/07/2022 18:14

I spent 4 months in lockdown looking after a 2.5 year old all day then desperately trying to catch up work at naptime, early mornings and after bedtime. It was fucking horrific. I think this is a bad idea.

Augend23 · 12/07/2022 18:16

When you say market hours do you mean from 9am exactly?

If so, if he can get the kids up etc and get his laptop running from home then wake you up at 8:55 so he can start work at 9, I reckon it's semi-feasible. 6.5 hrs sleep (2:25-8:55) isn't great and I know I personally would really struggle on that but other people seem less wrecked by a lack of sleep than me.

How often does he have to go into the office? Would you be able to nap in the evening before work on those days/weeks because otherwise you'll be in a right state by the time you start work.

Could you afford to put them both in childcare one day a week to give you time to catch up? Might not be as much of an earner that way but it might also be more sustainable in the longer term.

Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 12/07/2022 18:17

I’ve done it- it’s exhausting but needs must..
it did allow me to progress in carer actually as well as financially keep our heads above water.

i went back to day time working as soon as I could though. I’d do it again if I had to.