To think I can work p/t night shifts and be a SAHM during the day? I can make this work, right?

[lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo]

DH and I have two DC, aged 2y8m and 7m. DH wfh 3 days a week, the other two he’s in the office in London (we live in Home Counties). Currently DC1 goes to a childminder 1 day a week as that’s all we can afford.

DH gives me a set amount of money per month and I also get the child benefit paid into my bank account (I know that might seem odd to some but I’m happy with that arrangement).

Like a lot of people we’re starting to feel the squeeze and our finances are stretched pretty thin, so I started looking for part time jobs that I could work around looking after DC. I applied for and have been offered one which was basically the most optimal hours I think I’d be able to find as it doesn’t cut into my time with the DC at all.

It’s 20 or 25 hours per week, hours are 9pm-2am over 4/5 nights- 1 weekend night per month. It will be mostly WFH, would only be required to go into the office a couple of times a month. But even then the office is a short distance away - a 10 minute bike ride or (if/when I pass my test but that’s a whole other situation), a 5 minute drive.

At the moment this is how I see it working- I can do bedtime with the DC, will be able to have dinner with DH before I leave/start work. When wfh I can basically work in my pyjamas and be in bed by 2:10, on office days would be home and in bed by 2:30. Sleep for 5/6 hours, DH does DC2 night feed and wakes me when he’s starting work or on days he’s in the office just whenever the baby monitor DC wake me up. During the day, drink a shitload of assam, nap when the DC are napping- DC1 is pretty reliable nap-wise and will usually go down for a couple of hours in the afternoon- with DC2 it’s kind of all or nothing, some days will only go down for a short period in the cot but is usually happy to nap on me so I can doze on the sofa at the same time.

One issue is that obviously there is training involved, and that training would need to take place during the core office hours. I need to figure out how we would manage that as we would need to have both DC in childcare- our childminder has the space but obviously we would need to pay upfront and that’s money we don’t really have at present. We’ve got some money coming from DH’s employer’s share scheme in September but I don’t think it’s realistic to not start until then. Plus I’m not keen on the idea of putting DC2 in full time childcare at 7mo even if it is only for a few weeks. So need to figure out how we would manage that.

Pros:

-I’ll be earning my own money so DH won’t need to give me any. We could afford to put DC1 in childcare for an extra day until January, when the 30 funded hours would kick in. In the meantime we’ll be eligible for tax-free childcare so would be able to save some money that way.

-It’s a really nice company, has a great reputation as a local employer and has some really good benefits. They’re expanding and have a lot of emphasis on nurturing their own talent so there’s quite a lot of scope for progression.

-It won’t take me away from the DC at all- I’d be around for bedtime, DH already does DC2’s night feed so no change there. Obviously I’ll still be with them during the day so we won’t have to change our usual routine in any way.

-At the moment our mortgage is solely in DH’s name; this was necessary as I had a pretty sketchy credit history and was unemployed when we were looking to move. With this job I’d be able to keep building up my credit score and have a few years earning behind me which will put us in a better position for our next (and hopefully last!) move in 4 or 5 years, maybe sooner.

-I’ll be getting earning money. I’ll be able to pay for stuff. Like more driving lessons if I don’t pass my test, or things like swimming lessons for the DC which we just can’t manage at the moment.

Cons:

-I’ll be fucking knackered.

Is this do-able or am I crazy to even be thinking about it?

To be honest this is the only job like this that I’ve come across - hence why I applied now instead of hoping they were still recruiting in January when I was originally planning to start working again. Otherwise it was pretty much just the sort of jobs you’ve described. It’s just good luck that this company’s head office happens to be nearby, its not a particularly head office-y town! But it’s not entirely remote and the training would be office based.

It’s doable imo- however I’d question any childminder time if money is tight

I knew someone who did this and, like you, it was before their children started at school/pre-school with an official start time and they just pushed their child's day back. Rather than go with the traditional U.K. toddler bedtime of 7pm, they did 9pm which meant they slept later in the morning so the mum could get up later having had more sleep herself.

Give it a try and see - I think it's doable.

Just try it?

I used to work 6pm-2am but it was an on my feet the whole time kind of job so I couldn’t hack it with a toddler.

If it’s computer work and from home I think that would be doable.

Is your DH also going to work night and day sacrificing his sleep?

If you are a night owl how easy will you find it to switch off and sleep and get up in the morning?

Will the people you deal with be emotional, distressed, or difficult or angry? Most of the people I deal with aren’t but the ones that are have me thinking a while after the work day ends. Maybe less likely with online retail, but could get some angry people.

Give it a go but be prepared to stop if it’s too much or you may be there but not “present” with your children or worst case be so tired you don’t notice small things that might be a danger.

You got me at

I’ll be earning my own money so DH won’t need to give me any

At the moment our mortgage is solely in DH’s name

And

I’ll be getting earning money. I’ll be able to pay for stuff. Like more driving lessons if I don’t pass my test

That no way to run a marriage!

I’d say go for it OP - if the worst happens and you can’t hack it for whatever reason then you can always quit. As others have said I wish there were more jobs with these hours - I for one would jump at the chance to do them.

I've done it, for exactly the same reasons as you've given. The additional income outweighed the income (and the boost to my self-confidence). If you don't try it, you'll never know - and if it doesn't work, you can stop and try somewhere else.

Its doable, but it is exhausting. We couldn't afford childcare for DS1 before he started nursery. So before I had DS2 I worked nights (10pm-7am) 2 or 3 nights a week. I'd come home and do the full day with DS, napping when he napped, while DP was out working. Did that for 6 months and packed it in when we found out DS2 was on the way. It worked for us, but my nights off were for sleep and sleep only! As soon as DS went to bed so did I. It was worth getting some financial independence back. If i were you I'd go for it. You can always change your mind later. But unless you find it really really suits you, only use it as a temporary measure.

Congratulations on getting offered the position!!
I think it doable and if it turns out you can't cope, you don't have to stick at it, at least you tried.
Realistically, what time do you normally go to bed? If it's 10-11pm, it's only 3 hours later and as you say you can have approx 5 hours sleep when you finish work and a nap through the day.
For the training, how many days is it? Could your DH possibly take holiday to cover the days you don't have childcare? And as a PP mentioned, make sure they don't schedule you to work your shift either side of your training.

My friend does similar hours - she's a chat moderator on a bingo site. She loves it - she is the best napper known to man though, can literally just close her eyes and zzzzzzz

Due to a very messy start at Covid (husband lost his job etc), I found myself in a situation of three kids, my normal 40 hour a week job AND a night shift job (9-2 give days a week) at a local supermarket. I did that for two years plus until everything was kind of back to normal.
the things I learned:

• sleeping from 2-8 is not enough. Remember when they say: every hour before midnight counts double? I believe it. 2-9 sleep is difficult to maintain for a substantial amount of time.


• you will make mistakes because you are tired in every aspect of your life (family, job(s))


• Night jobs are opting humbling, you meet people you wouldn’t normally and you realise how lucky you are; some really really struggle


• it gave me extra cash to (at first) survive but after a while (when husband found job again) to pay off the mortgage at much quicker rate.


• a job is not forever, try it, some people cope better than others. You can always quit.


• you learn to know your strengths but also your weaknesses. My worst moments were made worse due to tiredness, but my best moments were also made better due to appreciating the little precious time I have with family (I worked 70 hour weeks easily)

try it out, but also know when to stop if you feel you are suffering. Good luck x

I’ve explained the reasons why our finances are arranged the way they are, and they’re good reasons. And all the driving lessons I’ve had so far - several thousand pounds worth - DH has paid for. But it’s £80 for a two hour lesson so if I don’t pass my test we really can’t afford any more with just his income coming in.

with DC2 it’s kind of all or nothing, some days will only go down for a short period in the cot but is usually happy to nap on me so I can doze on the sofa at the same time.

Please don't do this. It really isn't safe. At 7 months, still within cot death risk age.

i would definitely give it a try if you need the money. I work evening shifts in a pub so we don’t need childcare and it works but I will say it can be tiring looking after the kids all day then working all evening. Like you il a night owl but the mornings can be tough. It is nice to be able to work and not having to rely on anyone else to look after the kids though.

I’d definitely give it a try. Being night owl will help. If you know anyone with a sensible teen you could pay a few hours as a mothers help. They aren’t in sole charge. An extra hand if you are shattered, someone to play with toddler. School hols or maybe a 6th former with a few free periods.

Are you good with coping with lack of sleep and nights? My dh does it brilliantly and only needs about 6/7 hours, I couldnt cope

Good for you OP.

Think this got derailed a little by your explanation of family finances so I’m not going to comment on that.

I think it sounds like a great opportunity and well done you. It might be tough initially but you said it’s with a local firm with a good reputation so it’s not just working for now, it’s where this might go in the future. Sounds like you just need to suck it up until January when 30 hours kick in and it will get a little easier.

best of luck to you

You could also sneak in a nap couple nights a week pre work if dh does dinner and bed

DH could book some annual leave even half days mornings. Knowing you have a lie in coming (whilst he has dc) would help.

I think this would be tough but sounds like others have made a similar set up work.

It is becoming more and more frustrating though to read threads from mums looking for work that fits in around the family and the husbands job. School hours, night shifts, being available for kids if they are ill etc. It’s such a shame that it seems to be women bending over backwards because the husbands job is viewed as so inflexible.

Both me and my DH have senior clinical nhs roles. If I had to always make sure my hours were compatible with childcare I would never have been able to progress in my career. The load should be shared. I’m almost 100% sure that many of these men in important jobs could be more flexible around childcare if they had to be.

The main obstacle at the moment to be honest is the training period. It takes around 4 weeks, and DH can only take one week of annual leave. My PILs may potentially be able to look after the DC for a few days with DH staying at theirs and going into the office during the day while I stay at home. But that still leaves two weeks of childcare to pay for which would still cost over £1000.

You will be knackered, but you can hit a routine and do it.

I work two jobs right now (single parent, 2 primary aged kids) - so I start at 5, stop to take the kids to school, then work through till 5pm 3 days a week, and 2pm 2 days a week. Sometimes I have meetings out of those times, sometimes I take a bit longer on the school run to stop and do the shopping. I go to bed with the kids at 8pm ish, asleep by 9pm, but sometimes I have a quick afternoon nap, or want to stay up to get some quiet-time, so I sit with the kids in the evening and drop off while we watch a movie or whatever (they don't mind, they just want to snuggle). I am tired, but coping by taking the sneaky naps. You will be able to do the same, just be realistic and let yourself take those naps!

I'm thinking I can keep this up for another 6 months, then I'll have to drop something - but I want the money-cushion behind me before I do, so I'd consider making sure I had an exit plan.

Oh, and your DP still needs to contribute to you and the kids - this is extra money for the family pot, it shouldn't all immediately go out on your children so you're still left with nothing for you.