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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I can work p/t night shifts and be a SAHM during the day? I can make this work, right?

79 replies

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 17:47

DH and I have two DC, aged 2y8m and 7m. DH wfh 3 days a week, the other two he’s in the office in London (we live in Home Counties). Currently DC1 goes to a childminder 1 day a week as that’s all we can afford.

DH gives me a set amount of money per month and I also get the child benefit paid into my bank account (I know that might seem odd to some but I’m happy with that arrangement).

Like a lot of people we’re starting to feel the squeeze and our finances are stretched pretty thin, so I started looking for part time jobs that I could work around looking after DC. I applied for and have been offered one which was basically the most optimal hours I think I’d be able to find as it doesn’t cut into my time with the DC at all.

It’s 20 or 25 hours per week, hours are 9pm-2am over 4/5 nights- 1 weekend night per month. It will be mostly WFH, would only be required to go into the office a couple of times a month. But even then the office is a short distance away - a 10 minute bike ride or (if/when I pass my test but that’s a whole other situation), a 5 minute drive.

At the moment this is how I see it working- I can do bedtime with the DC, will be able to have dinner with DH before I leave/start work. When wfh I can basically work in my pyjamas and be in bed by 2:10, on office days would be home and in bed by 2:30. Sleep for 5/6 hours, DH does DC2 night feed and wakes me when he’s starting work or on days he’s in the office just whenever the baby monitor DC wake me up. During the day, drink a shitload of assam, nap when the DC are napping- DC1 is pretty reliable nap-wise and will usually go down for a couple of hours in the afternoon- with DC2 it’s kind of all or nothing, some days will only go down for a short period in the cot but is usually happy to nap on me so I can doze on the sofa at the same time.

One issue is that obviously there is training involved, and that training would need to take place during the core office hours. I need to figure out how we would manage that as we would need to have both DC in childcare- our childminder has the space but obviously we would need to pay upfront and that’s money we don’t really have at present. We’ve got some money coming from DH’s employer’s share scheme in September but I don’t think it’s realistic to not start until then. Plus I’m not keen on the idea of putting DC2 in full time childcare at 7mo even if it is only for a few weeks. So need to figure out how we would manage that.

Pros:

-I’ll be earning my own money so DH won’t need to give me any. We could afford to put DC1 in childcare for an extra day until January, when the 30 funded hours would kick in. In the meantime we’ll be eligible for tax-free childcare so would be able to save some money that way.

-It’s a really nice company, has a great reputation as a local employer and has some really good benefits. They’re expanding and have a lot of emphasis on nurturing their own talent so there’s quite a lot of scope for progression.

-It won’t take me away from the DC at all- I’d be around for bedtime, DH already does DC2’s night feed so no change there. Obviously I’ll still be with them during the day so we won’t have to change our usual routine in any way.

-At the moment our mortgage is solely in DH’s name; this was necessary as I had a pretty sketchy credit history and was unemployed when we were looking to move. With this job I’d be able to keep building up my credit score and have a few years earning behind me which will put us in a better position for our next (and hopefully last!) move in 4 or 5 years, maybe sooner.

-I’ll be getting earning money. I’ll be able to pay for stuff. Like more driving lessons if I don’t pass my test, or things like swimming lessons for the DC which we just can’t manage at the moment.

Cons:

-I’ll be fucking knackered.

Is this do-able or am I crazy to even be thinking about it?

OP posts:
sleepismyhobby · 12/07/2022 18:21

I've been doing constant nightshift for 16 years now so so fed up with it now but no other choice for. Childcare

Summersdreaming · 12/07/2022 18:21

It sounds fine. You'll adjust to the sleep pattern. If it was a full night then I'd say no, but people do manage when needs must.

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:22

howshouldibehave · 12/07/2022 18:13

Currently DC1 goes to a childminder 1 day a week as that’s all we can afford.

Why do you send a child to a childminder when you’re a SAHM if money is tight?

I know people who worked these sort of hours when my kids were young. They did it, but were v tired!

We started using the CM when I was doing a college course in 2020-21 with a view to going back to uni but then I fell pregnant again early last year, but we decided to keep DC1 at the CM one day a week as they really love it there, and it’s nice for DC2 and I to have one day a week together just the two of us.

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 12/07/2022 18:22

Could your DH do the bedtime routine/sort his own dinner on the evenings you work so you can have some rest time between looking after your children all day and starting work?

I’d say it’s doable but probably means adjusting your routines a little. Needs must, etc.

ZealAndArdour · 12/07/2022 18:23

Will DH do the childminder drop offs on his work days so that you can have a bit of a slower morning if you’ve not gone to bed till 2am-3am?

I’m a nurse so quite conversant and experienced in all manner of weird shifts and quick turnarounds etc. I think this would be workable, provided there is some slack in your day for you to take it easy and/or nap. And acceptance on both sides that if you’re very tired, you might need to leave the kids with DH the minute he walks through the door and get your head down for a nap before logging in, and miss the bath/bed/dinner routine once a week or whenever your body tells you that it needs it.

Your DH really, really needs to be on board with picking up some slack and not just expecting you to do this job on top of everything else and absolutely no change to his current responsibilities or free time.

QueSyrahSyrah · 12/07/2022 18:28

It sounds like it's worth a try; if there are days when you are utterly wiped could DH sort dinner / bedtimes for DC after work so you can get a nap in between him finishing and before you start?

Just to add to an above, no DC in the picture but I used to do 2 jobs where I'd finish one of them at 1.30am and start the next at 9am. Getting to sleep after a late finish was truly never a problem when I was doing that 4 days a week!!

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:28

Augend23 · 12/07/2022 18:16

When you say market hours do you mean from 9am exactly?

If so, if he can get the kids up etc and get his laptop running from home then wake you up at 8:55 so he can start work at 9, I reckon it's semi-feasible. 6.5 hrs sleep (2:25-8:55) isn't great and I know I personally would really struggle on that but other people seem less wrecked by a lack of sleep than me.

How often does he have to go into the office? Would you be able to nap in the evening before work on those days/weeks because otherwise you'll be in a right state by the time you start work.

Could you afford to put them both in childcare one day a week to give you time to catch up? Might not be as much of an earner that way but it might also be more sustainable in the longer term.

Not quite- he starts 8:30ish and finishes between 5-5:30. During early weeks it’s 8-4-4:30, lates it’s 10-6. He goes into the office two days a week so leaves very early and gets home usually around 6:30 depending on trains. DC1’s day with the CM is on one of his office days.

Our plan was always to have DC2 at the CM one or two days a week from Jan anyway as they’ll be just over a year old then and DC1’s funded hours start then too.

OP posts:
Startuplife · 12/07/2022 18:31

Can I be really nosy and ask what sort of job you can do working from home with those hours?

Theoldwrinkley · 12/07/2022 18:31

This is what I did. Many benefits, a few drawbacks. I was just shelf stacking at a supermarket but it paid for 'extras' money like holidays. Yes, I was knackered (was worse when I went full time nights when children at school....school holidays I was crawling!) but it's what works for you and family.

Mydogatemypurse · 12/07/2022 18:33

I know people who have, I'm not sure I could.

Pugdogmom · 12/07/2022 18:34

I think it's doable as long as your DH is willing to help. If your DH did dinner ,bath and bed a couple of nights when you were working to allow you to get an extra couple of hours, it would definitely be doable.

It's a late shift and most parents are used to broken sleep if they have kids tbh.🤣

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:34

I will say DH isn’t one of those husbands/Dads who doesn’t lift a finger- he does DC2’s night feeds, gets up with the DC in the morning before he starts work and does their breakfast, cooks dinner for both of us and often for DC1, does his share of bedtimes, housework etc.

I’m naturally a night owl and am rarely asleep before midnight anyway so don’t think I’d have trouble with energy levels whilst I’m working. It’s the mornings that would be a struggle!

OP posts:
Lightheart · 12/07/2022 18:39

I’d do it. Sounds like you could manage it and being in work pretty much always benefits you even in ways you don’t think of such as NI contributions. Plus it won’t be forever only while your children are young

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:39

Startuplife · 12/07/2022 18:31

Can I be really nosy and ask what sort of job you can do working from home with those hours?

Customer service for an online retailer. Mostly email/web-based, dealing with customers in different time zones.

OP posts:
Greenginghamdress · 12/07/2022 18:39

That sounds like a pretty good deal that I'd take but it depends if you are ok on 5 to 6 hours sleep?

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/07/2022 18:40

I wouldn’t rely on being able to sleep 10 minutes after finishing work - you may find you need some time to decompress. It may end up being that you don’t actually sleep until 3.00/3.30 which is much less quality sleep.

cadburyegg · 12/07/2022 18:43

I couldn't do this personally. I probably wouldn't be able to go to sleep til 3am and I'd struggle with getting through the days with such young children. I'd also struggle with zero time to chill out.

NellesVilla · 12/07/2022 18:44

Hi @lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo , I think those hours will work. You might not want to do it forever or at least not in the winter but it could easily work.

Could you say vaguely what sort of job it is and where I could find something similar? I’m looking for might work and all I can see is: care work (never again), night receptionist (11pm-7pm so shit in the winter) and night security (a little scary as a woman).

The hours of your job aren’t bad at all.

NoSquirrels · 12/07/2022 18:44

lpsyUpsyDaisyDoo · 12/07/2022 18:34

I will say DH isn’t one of those husbands/Dads who doesn’t lift a finger- he does DC2’s night feeds, gets up with the DC in the morning before he starts work and does their breakfast, cooks dinner for both of us and often for DC1, does his share of bedtimes, housework etc.

I’m naturally a night owl and am rarely asleep before midnight anyway so don’t think I’d have trouble with energy levels whilst I’m working. It’s the mornings that would be a struggle!

This is just what I was going to ask.

If your DH is totally on board with this change and job pattern, sees the need for more money for you and career progression etc, then it sounds great, if very tiring in the short term with kids your ages.

If he’s reluctant, thinks it’s easier if he doesn’t have to accommodate you working, likely to ‘pull rank’ if he starts feeling the effects of extra night shifts on duty for DC, or generally a bit shit at sharing money/domestic life/parenting then it could be a disaster.

FirstFallopians · 12/07/2022 18:45

Could you use the extra cash to arrange one or two days a week for both kids to go to the CM? Even just two half days.

You could use the free time to bank sleep.

DockOTheBay · 12/07/2022 18:48

He goes into the office two days a week so leaves very early and gets home usually around 6:30 depending on trains
How will this work? You will have to get up very early, so get 4 hours sleep? Look after 7 month old all day, do childminder run, on your own until 6.30 and then work at 9. Sounds pretty horrendous.

Hugasauras · 12/07/2022 18:48

I WFH 21 hours, 5pm-1am, across three days, but both DC will be in nursery two and three days when I go back from mat leave so I can catch up on sleep. But I think it would be doable without nursery, just much more tiring.

I love it tbh, it works really for us. DH does dinner/bed times on my work days but I am around and get to come for a cuddle and kiss and can help out if needed. And means on nursery days I get the whole day to myself to snooze and do what needs to be done Grin and I change into my jammies at about 10pm so I can just go straight to bed when I finish.

Hugasauras · 12/07/2022 18:51

(I work for a newspaper, in case anyone is curious).

Shgytfgtf111 · 12/07/2022 18:57

Go for it! If it doesn't work out, fine.

Singleandproud · 12/07/2022 18:58

Are you naturally a night owl? I could do those hours but would struggle with early mornings.

If you are naturally a lark you might find it very difficult.