AIBU to say I wouldn’t want a male massage therapist?

[Wombat100]

Just read an awful article on the BBC about these poor women who have been sexually assaulted by male massage therapists who they booked to massage them at home.

I was thinking about it and to be honest I don’t even like being at home alone if eg. a boiler man I don’t know comes to do a boiler service. I’m probably being a bit ridiculous/OTT in that regard but the thought of booking a male masseur via an app and inviting him into my home totally gives me the creeps.

Nb. I would have a massage from a male therapist at a spa etc where there are other therapists around/he is known, it’s just the home element which would make me feel really vulnerable.

Just wondered whether others agree?

YABU - you would happily book a male therapist at home.
YANBU - not in a million years would you book a male therapist to come to your home alone.

It depends what sort of therapist you're booking. There are proper companies who provide massages and other services, then there are the perverts/chancers who are freelance and on the lookout for victims. NEVER book a massage except through a proper company, especially the sort of ones who offer "free massages to women only" - this is pretty much a guarantee they're not genuine.

Happily had a male massage therapist at home.
Honestly your body, your choice, but a news item is news bc rare. Might as well say no male doctor should ever treat a woman.

It really depends for me.

I understand most trade work is male dominated, so I accept a man to work on my boiler or something like that.

When it comes to things like mental therapy, physical therapy or masseuse, I would much rather a woman

@Dotjones that’s sensible….I think these ladies were booking through an app and the whole thing just seems really unregulated.

I hate a male masseuse. Ive had them in the past as I’ve been to polite to say anything and didn’t want to seem…. Non-liberal? I don’t know how to explain it.
Then I had a bad experience and now I state I want a female and if they haven’t got one available I simply don’t book/I cancel.
I’m cross at myself I wasn’t braver from the start.

@entropynow 100% individual choice, I agree. Personally I wouldn’t but I’d say I’m pretty cautious about things like this generally.

Having said that, I’ve always been happy to see male GPs etc and would have no problem having a male therapist at eg. a spa or clinic where there are other people around/presumably the therapists are more vetted (I hope!)/have colleagues around them etc.

I would not book anyone to come for a massage at home, and indeed were it at a spa would want a female masseuse. Different in my opinion from a GP or other medical appointment.

YABU

I'd happily book and have booked both male and female massage therapists at home.

I think women are overly heightened to risks atm, for good reason due to recent public cases, but I refuse to live my life in such a state of fear and anxiety.

@Soubriquet I think I’m the same. I know I’m probably being a bit highly strung about the boiler man scenario to be fair 😶

I've always requested a female therapist when I book a massage at a place I don't usually go

Trades etc in the house I wouldn't think twice about, as there's no need for me to be vulnerable - removing clothing, someone touching me etc.

.... But having had various massages from a couple of men over the years, never again. It was absolutely fine with a male physiotherapist in a busy physio practice for a course of treatment including sports massage for a back injury. However, a few years later I saw another chap who turned out to work alone in a strange set up in an industrial estate and it was the most awful uncomfortable and vulnerable experience. I'd never do it again except in a busy and established place, and certainly not for the purposes of relaxation or as a therapeutic treatment rather than medical-related.

I used to have a regular sports massage with a male at his home (converted garage). He was infinitely better than any female I've been to, I've never had anyone else come close really (and the fact he was smoking hot was just a bonus!)

Your posts over the last few days have been lovely and goady. Back again?

@Beefcurtains79 not at all, don’t be cross at yourself for not being ‘braver’ - these arseholes shouldn’t be putting you in a situation where you need to be brave! And when you feel vulnerable it’s really hard to speak out.

@RedCarsGoFaster hardly goady, Op asked a question, I merely answered.

As proven on this site women have a skewed perception of risk in certain situations, if you don't feel comfortable then fine, but don't delude yourself thinking everyone feels the same way.

I wouldn’t book any kind of therapist to come to my home so that one is a moot point; but my sports physio is male and I often go at unusual hours when the building is quite empty and I’ve never really thought about it tbh.

It’s sort of a “you do you” scenario though, really. Few people need a masseuse or for one to come to their home; and if they did then it’s very unlikely that the only option they’d be able to access would be a male one, so it’s totally up to them.

Weirdly I had this conversation with a 65 year old male and he totally got that I wouldn’t want a male masseuse but then blew my mind by saying he would prefer a female too! He just didn’t have massages anymore because he said asking for a female made him sound like a pervert. Male practitioners must find it hard to find customers.

Women are pummelled by the message that they do all men a disservice if they don't take personal risks with individual men. You see in on MN all the time. I'm sick to death of it.

How dare they have an opinion that's not yours? Definitely a reason to trawl through all their posts and be a snotty bully...

I'm probably amongst the least typically effeminate women on here. A decade in the police, several years working as security in nightclubs, rugby player, working in prisons - I'm by no means afraid of men or fighting.

It doesn't mean I'm prepared to take risks in my own home, and I certainly don't judge other women for their personal fears.

Women are naturally more afraid of sexual violence, not just because of recent cases. I wrote my dissertation on rape, back in 2003. I'm more than happy to discuss the reasons for women's fears, and support the discussion with statistics and research if people want. We can get into all the issues of patriarchal societies, lack of funding in the CJS, the poor results of rape cases in court and the reasons that happens, quantifiable risks to women in different aspects of their lives (at work, in the street, at home) versus fear of harm (spoiler: it's not strangers that are the biggest hazard), how to protect oneself or when to just run away.....

Although, I do happily answer the door which MN seems to be weird about.

Never. I’d never book a male masseuse. I’ve been sexually assaulted (sexual touching not rape) by a paediatric consultant in a hospital, in the middle of the day, with my daughter on my lap. That really opened my eyes!!

@entropynow no trawling, just recognised the name from their behaviour yesterday. Not rocket science.

I've had make masseurs at very respectable places and theryve been fine, very professional. However, it's entirely up to you and its not unreasonable to request a female if you'd be more comfortable.

Still snotty and personalising. They posted a perfectly reasonable comment and you just went on the attack.
Not only unnecessary but makes you look like a bully

I don't pay for massages all. I wouldn't be able to relax with a stranger rubbing me, male or female. But I would choose a female over male. Male medical staff don't bother me, they're highly qualified and it's for something essential. Massages aren't essential unless it's for something like physiotherapy.