AIBU to say I wouldn’t want a male massage therapist?

[Wombat100]

Just read an awful article on the BBC about these poor women who have been sexually assaulted by male massage therapists who they booked to massage them at home.

I was thinking about it and to be honest I don’t even like being at home alone if eg. a boiler man I don’t know comes to do a boiler service. I’m probably being a bit ridiculous/OTT in that regard but the thought of booking a male masseur via an app and inviting him into my home totally gives me the creeps.

Nb. I would have a massage from a male therapist at a spa etc where there are other therapists around/he is known, it’s just the home element which would make me feel really vulnerable.

Just wondered whether others agree?

YABU - you would happily book a male therapist at home.
YANBU - not in a million years would you book a male therapist to come to your home alone.

I personally wouldn't book a male masseuse to come to my house, however I wouldn't book one in a spa either.

In my younger years whilst on holiday with a friend we discovered the hotel had a masseuse. I'd never had a massage before as I'd been sexually abused as a child but decided to get over my fear and get one.

We both had a massage with the same guy, she went first, had a great massage no issues. I went second and was sexually assaulted.

I swear these men can smell abuse victims.

I tried many years later to have a head and neck massage from a female this time but I just couldn't relax because of what happened during my first massage.

So no, no males massaging me thank you very much.

And yes I know NAMALT but I'm not taking the risk.

Being a woman, having a lot of women friends I know exactly how common sexual assault is, most women in will have experienced sexual assault of varying degrees in their lives.

so I don’t give a shiny shite about the feelings of males or the opinions of anyone who thinks I need therapy to silence the natural risk alert I have.

I have massages, I always ask for a female therapist. And have always had one. I also always request a female health professional, unless it’s an emergency.

I don’t need therapy to force me to ignore my own sense of fear. My sense of fear and self preservation has kept me safe it was only I ignored it I ever ended up being harmed.

and I’m not apologising for not liking having men in my personal space carrying out intimate procedures on me.

and I don’t care NAMALT, I don’t and shouldn’t have to justify or qualify who touches me with oh but NAMALT.

Sorry that happened to you, Blue. And men wonder why we defend our (few) single-sex spaces so passionately.

I was sexually assaulted by a male therapist, on holiday, in a five star resort spa, during a couple’s massage…

I take no prisoners usually, but I froze. It was awful. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even tell my husband right away.

I would never, ever allow a male masseuse to touch me again.

I recognised their name too. They’re all over the place at the moment.

I don’t think anyone is ‘deluding themselves’ that everyone feels the same way, the OP was enquiring whether other women feel uncomfortable having a male masseuse. And as this thread attests, plenty of us do.

Now of course we will have "female" massage therapists who were born men.

YANBU

it’s up to you who you would prefer

and this unfortunately is a role that some predatory men will use to their advantage

I wouldn't have a male masseuse, acupuncturist or anything similar. I specifically switched to a female GP.

Given the choice I would prefer female HCP's, I know that I don't always get a choice, but when I do, that is it.

I wouldn't want a male massaging me at home or at a spa and I won't apologize for that. A tradesman is something I can deal with but usually my dh wfh on days we are expecting one. Yanbu op. Otoh I chose male obstetricians for my pregnancy care.

Yes, alphapie has been waving that flag for a while. It happened a lot quicker than I expected actually. Noteworthy in fact.

Also, the only answer to the OP's original question before the NAMALT kicked in, is no, you're not being unreasonable because bodily autonomy is what we strive for and this choice is one you are making for you.

I'm perfectly happy with male physios/GPs/chiropractor/sports massage etc but for something that's purely for relaxation I prefer a woman and wouldn't want a male masseuse as would be uncomfortable.

I've had melanoma and go for frequent checks where I have to undress down to pants and bra and I have a male consultant but a female always comes in to chaperone, though in that situation it wouldn't worry me if it was just him there. Massage feels different.

i think the article was referencing a documentary on radio 4 when I was driving home tonight. I didn’t hear it all, but it was very alarming hearing what an unregulated market it is.
The interviews I heard with the women really explained how vulnerable they were and how scared they were in this situation.
It’s well worth finding on catch up.

Nope, no way would I invite some random guy into my home for any reason, let along a massage. I don't even like having male workmen in my home, that's one of the reasons I have dogs tbh.
When men get male violence under control then maybe I'll start to trust them again, until then they can stay the fuck away from me.
Hope the women are getting all the love and support they need

Nope, no risk to women at all

Anyone who believes that should listen to this. Multiple women sexually assaulted by multiple masseurs.

I don't like massages but was shocked that a) there is no central register and b) there are no qualifications or training required. Literally anyone can set themselves up as a massage therapist.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m00193pk?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Sorry I didn't read the thread properly and realise that this investigation is what the thread is about

Anyway, you should listen to the programme. It's very good (if harrowing)

I think you're getting a hard time for presenting a reasonable argument, and I think that that might be because what you’re saying doesn’t actually address the question that’s being asked.

First, I don’t think that risk assessment ever really changed a personal behaviour that arose from either considered caution or honest anxiety. People just don’t work that way. If they did, anyone with a fear of flying would be able to say to themselves, “Actually, I was statistically more likely to die in the taxi to the airport than on the plane I’m about to board. So I needn’t worry. All cool. Ship in the complementary mini-champagne.”

That doesn’t happen. The risk assessment doesn’t carry any emotional weight.

Second, even if flawed risk assessment does lead to ‘illogical’ behaviours, it doesn’t matter. Or rarely matters, anyway. It may be that there’s not much statistical support for avoiding a male masseur, but so what? The OP feels more comfortable, a female masseur gets the gig and the male masseur, I’m pretty sure, never knows he wasn’t booked, and even if he did, he’ll understand that that’s one of the parameters of his profession.

Yeah, there’ll be times when thorough and dispassionate risk assessment is worthwhile. But I don’t think this is one of them.

On a personal note, I wouldn't have a massage from anyone of either sex. The whole idea makes me feel slightly bilious.

If you wouldn't feel comfortable that's entirely up to you and nothing wrong with that. You are perhaps being a little paranoid, subject to booking someone with a good reputation, reviews etc., but again if part of the aim of having a massage is to relax it's not going to work for you if you're on edge.
I visit a male masseur in his home, it is not a regular spa style massage, and I would only want a male masseur for it personally but that just my preference.

I would never feel comfortable inviting a man i dont know into my home for any purpose, especially if I am alone.